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Thread: My success story :) so far....

  1. #1

    My success story :) so far....

    Hello,

    I've not visited NMP in almost a year... and what a year it has been!! I feel bad for not being around but i hope in reading this you can understand why. I am back now to share with everyone my success story in the hope it can help others.. even just to show that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.


    This may be long winded, i may say things which seem irrelevant, but bare with me and u will see where i'm going....


    Last year I suffered my very first panic attack, whilst at work, which was triggered by being verbally abused by a man. As I work as a nurse, I am in the firing line for many emotions that people feel, and I am trained to deal with it. However, on this occasion I was completely unprepared for it, not wanting to sound like i am 'passing the buck' but the situation I was receiving abuse about was nothing to do with me. So I was completely caught off guard as at the time I was trying to deal with some seriously ill people who were relying on me. I tried to carry on with my job but couldn't hold back the tears, i went to get a drink of water and compose myself.. then it happened, as soon as a concerned work collegue asks if i'm ok... BANG hyperventilating, pulse racing, light headed. My first panic attack.


    I got sent home from work... and couldn't return for 3-4 weeks, i cant remember exactly how long. What i do remember is sitting in my room that night and feeling a huge almighty bang in my chest.... was that my heart?? it did it again.... and again.... oh no... panic attack. It seemed like every time i moved.. got stressed or increased my heart rate my heart would jump and stop and it was scary... really scary (ectopic beats, PVC's). I took to the sofa.. barely moving, feeling wave after wave of panic coming over me, i was even too scared to walk to the bathroom so started drinking as little as possible and only going to the loo when my bladder was bursting (not good, i know). I went to my gp, got put on Escitalopram... the side effects were horrendous!! I went back to work, went to a staff party, drank too much and smoked too much... ended up in A&E with ?SVT... given Diazepam and sent home. Cardiac tests... u name them ive had them. ?enlarged septum in heart. MRI disproved that one. Anyway, i had every test going and by Dec last year i had found this site (great help) and changed my job (still a nurse). I was coping better, although still got panic attacks when put under pressure, or experienced confrontation from people which developed into social anxiety.

    In Jan/ Feb this year I lost my voice... for 9 WEEKS!!! A doctor collegue got me to see an ENT collegue.... tests were done yadda yadda.... I found out I had a tumour in my remaining thyroid tissue (had half removed in 2006).
    In March I moved house which helped my stress levels, i then got confronted at work by an angry boss..... once again I was about to have a panic attack... but I stood there once she had gone, feeling this bubbling up inside of me... and I thought... NO DON'T YOU DARE!! She is not worth it, your are stronger than this... i took a deep breath... and the panic passed.

    I did it!

    After further cardiac tests..up to London hospitals etc etc.... I was operated on in July to remove the tumour and remaining thyroid. There were complications and i ended up on ITU very unwell. Once I was taken off the ventilator and was awake enough to speak I began to have an attack.... but once again, told myself NO. I informed the lovely night nurse who was looking after me about my anxiety and ectopics... and she said she has exactly the same and ectopics were affecting her badly... i recommended this site. We spent the night having ectopics together, neither of us dropped down dead, and she had been having them for 3 years. I think we both found a realisation that night. THEY WILL NOT HURT YOU.

    I recovered, still with ectopics but now I don't pay them any attention.

    I was given the news a few weeks later that I have thyroid cancer, follicular carcinoma. Although the news was devastating.... i did not have a panic attack, I was controlling my anxiety. Even the ectopic beats, the very things which used to petrify me, became insignificant.

    At present, i have had one course of radiotherapy which went well, my thyroid medication is slowly getting sorted... although the weight gain has given me a bit of a flare up in social anxiety, I am still in control!!! Sure, i have ectopic beats multiple times on a daily basis and occasionally feel a bit anxious depending on the situation, but i'm dealing with it.

    The most important thing i have learnt over the past year has been how strong i can be, i am in control, noone else can do it for you - so stop waiting for someone to give you a solution. I have the attitude that if something happens that triggers my anxiety and might possibly bring on an attack, who cares?... stand back, think about what you are about to panic about... laugh at it, and say WHO CARES!! Tell yourself NO. Refuse to have it happen. Move on and carry on regardless.... it will get easier. Distract yourself! If i start to feel panic in a supermarket for instance I grab the nearest product and read the label... but dont just stand staring at it whilst thinking about panic... actually read it like you have a genuine interest in it, however stupid it may seem, it works. If u read a label and are still feeling panic grab another product and compare them, study them, make yourself think... then carry on regardless. I works for me, it might do for you. But the only person who can make it work is you, you are strong enough, you can say no, laugh at it, roll your eyes at it... panic will go away!! Behave like a petulant child towards it.. when it raises its' head ... poke ur tongue out at it...it WILL go away.

    To date... my last panic attack was back in March. I hope by reading this some good can come of it, and it helps someone somewhere!

    Thank you for reading, i wish everybody the best in the battle with this demon, so much love and strength to you all. xxxx
    __________________
    Because we all need help with our saber toothed tigers

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    932

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    wow that's an amazing story and very inspirational than you for sharing it!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    530

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    What an amazing story and such strength, thank u for sharing that.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    4,281

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Wow fantastic thankyou so much 4 sharing, you truly r a strong person and an inspiration to us all on here, i wish u lots of love and luck on your road to recovery, lots of love and x x
    __________________
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Brilliant read such an isperation. Can I ask I have panic over having Blood pressure and having it taken. I wandered how I could control my panic ie racing heart and every other horrible thing that happens when i have to have it done. Can you give me some advice.

    I also wish you well with your thyroid treatment, I had graves disease 30 years ago and anything conected with thyroid I swear it can caurse panic as i had panice attacks when I was first diagnosed with the disease. It was so good reading your story it gave me lots of encouragement.

    Cathy xx

  6. #6

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Fantastic, thanks for sharing, you have made me feel for a sec i can do that but one bad I have is being stuck in traffic while driving, it brings on a panick attack for me...any advice in what i could concentrate on in traffic

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    290

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Ducky85 you are one amazing human being! Seriously, i hope you realise just how fantastic you are to have dealt with everything that life has thrown your way and to come back on to a forum to share your story in the hope that it helps someone else.. truly amazing and reminds me that there are still good people out there. Thankyou for sharing, wishing you all the best.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,021

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Thanks for sharing , gives hope to others , you are an inspiration

    Paige xx

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    468

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Thank you for sharing with us. You should be so very proud of yourself and I wish you loads of luck and love with your recovery xxxx

  10. #10

    Re: My success story :) so far....

    Thank you so much everyone for your feed back, i hope you are all well! There was so much more i wanted to write but i feared i might cause a few readers to fall asleep... not bad for insomniacs mind. hehe

    Cathycrumble, thank u, can i ask, is there anything specific about having your blood pressure taken that makes u anxious?... is it the result or the sensation or the whole thing? xx

    Sonia 65, xx. As i'm not a driver i can only really say - music. Put on your fave CD or make a CD of tracks which make u want to sing and feel good... and sing it!! If ur sat in traffic, turn it up, have a good old warble to ur fave songs (and maybe a little bop in ur chair if you are brave enough). Don't worry about ppl seeing you - it's likely to put a smile on their faces too which in turn will make u smile more.. smiles can be infectious. I dealt with my social anxiety that way, i used to have my ipod on wherever i went to distract me from my anxiety of being in public and hoping no one spoke to me... i began mouthing the words and bopping my head on occasion... it took a lot of courage and self - assurance but people started smiling at me, whether or not they thought i was slightly mad wasn't an issue, fact was they smiled which made me smile, which gave me more confidence. I can now go out without music as distraction and have no problem if strangers stop and talk to me in the street, before it would have made me very anxious.

    Anyway, that is just my way or dealing with it, I think everyone needs to find a way which suits them best and stick with it. Don't get dissheartened if it takes a while, it won't work overnight, but have the strength to believe in yourself - you're doing it for yourself, noone else - do it your way!

    Hoping you are all well.
    Sending lots of love, strength and smiles..

    the one bopping in the corner. xxx
    __________________
    Because we all need help with our saber toothed tigers

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