Need some advice, family member with anxiety

[YoshikiUK]

I'm just looking for someone to tell all this stuff to which is happening at the moment in my family, and maybe there will be some advice on what to do.

Basically my mum has suffered from anxiety for years, and it has always fluctuated from being medium to, in times of stress, high. My parents are having bad money problems at the moment, and this compounds the issue.

She hasn't worked for several years because she has to quit her job in 2007 as she was re-diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma and needed chemotherapy. Recently however, she has needed to return to work because we need an extra income.

She has done really well applying for work and was a few weeks ago invited to 2 interviews after 6 months of looking for a job. She ends up getting a job. So she had training for a care role for caring for the elderly yesterday and today, but her anxiety has gone through the roof. As I type this, she is sitting downstairs shivering, can't keep still etc. Earlier today, before going to day 2 of her training, she felt faint, but felt she had to go, because she needs the job. She gets there, sits down, and faints on the floor.

Obviously she is not up to the job because of this anxiety. The thing is, they need the money. She wants to work but can't. To say this is putting a strain on the relationship between my mum and dad is an understatement. He doesn't seem to fully grasp the concept of anxiety; that it isn't just nerves.

This is the part where perhaps you guys can help. She has been on propranalol, 40mg 3x a day for ages, but it doesn't help. She has palpitations, and a tight feeling under her breastbone, and a fuzzy feeling in her head. Just the other day, because her anxiety was getting bad as she was thinking about her job, the doctor stopped the propranalol and put her on 5mg of ciprolex. This obviously has not worked yet.

She will be going back to the dr's on friday hopefully. What is the best bet for anxiety? She seems to have GAD by the way. Just ciprolex, or ciprolex+propranalol? Obviously it is different for everyone, but i don't see how just 5mg of ciprolex is going to help her.

My main worry is that all of this stress is going to bring back her non-hodgkins lymphoma. I know there is no proven link between stress and NHL but it is really freaking me out. She should be under no stress, and this is about as much stress as your body can be put under. She is actually physically ill from anxiety.

Thanks for reading this essay (if you got this far ). Just looking for some opinions I guess.

[nicola1980]

Your poor mum and u anxiety can make you physically ill believe me, how long has she been on her meds as these actually heighten your anxiety 4 a couple of wks? Could u maybe go to the docs with her and explain how bad shes been and that she needs more help now? X x

[YoshikiUK]

Thank you for your reply . She will be going to the doctors with my dad which will be good as she can say everything she needs to say with him there. She has been on the ciprolex since saturday so yes, this could have pretty much been the worst time for her to have to start a job!

[nicola1980]

It certainly sounds like the cipralex is heightening her anxiety this is a v common side effect, im on a sister med of it citalopram and the exact same happened to me, these meds can take up to 8 wks to take full effect, keep us posted x x

[YoshikiUK]

Thanks nicola. Today she is physically worn out, pain in her lower back (we call it the stress pain), heavy limbs, woozy head, wobbly legs. She can't keep still. Obviously she has a lot of things going round in her head which she can't stop.
The hard thing is it is hard for her to break the cycle because she can't get out and about to take her mind off it as she feels to weak.

I've told her that the meds are likely heightening her anxiety, and she will be seeing the dr again next week to discuss this. I'm considering getting her a book on CBT because i think this will help. Mainly i have told her that this will get better, and she will get through it, because at the moment she can not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Dan1975]

I'm no doc, but it sounds like she is in so deep she needs to press the reset button. Sounds like she needs to come off the meds, stop all the coping rituals and book some CBT.

I can also recommend reading this. This gives a really good insight into anxiety, is a good, enjoyable read and has helped me alot http://nothingworks.weebly.com/

[Anxious_gal]

I can totally relate to shivering / shaking .
If its a lot of the time , then her anxiety is pretty high :(

I guess drugs/meds could help , and then therapy if she can afford it or get it for free.
Even some books about anxiety might help

The needing to work but mentally being unable to is adding to it , plus the feelings of guilt and failure , your dads lack of understanding might be adding to that .

She can't just snap out of it or man up . It's not a choice , she cannot help it .


Yes get her a CBT book WITH worksheets and sit her down and help her to fill them in.
Anxiety makes you irrational and you can try and talk to her to help her rationalise better
Lots of reassurance will help, challenge her negative thoughts etc . .

[YoshikiUK]

Thanks for the replies Dan and mishel. Now that she is getting over the terrible day she had last week, her anxiety has settled a bit, but is still an issue. She has told me that she tends to feel pretty bad in the morning, she feels heavy headed, hazy, and has that tight fluttery feeling in her chest. This lasts all day until about 5pm, when she actually feels normal. That lasts until she goes to bed, when it comes back and she can't sleep as a result.

So I asked her; why does it come back in bed? The answer? She begins to think of EVERYTHING. She thinks 'what if' about lots of things, worries about stuff, goes over conversations with people. She says she can not help this. This of course makes her anxiety spike. This is also appears to be the case in the morning.

So after doing lots of research, I figure this is where cbt could really help. Because if she can get those thoughts and worries under control her anxiety symptoms should reduce. She was saying that she was going around the shops yesterday when she thought of the job situation, and she felt swimmy and panicky. So if these thoughts can be controlled so as to not take hold of her she will be halfway (or more) towards beating this.