I can't belive. I'm scared.

[Lillie]

16 day. One day without diazepan was just pure panic. After, i get some, and gone for sleep. Woke up at 4 full of terrible cold. I feel so bad! Have a fever belly ache and all that english cold symptoms. I dont know how I will cope now. Overloaded. I really wanna die, have no more power.

[william wallace]

Good morning Lillie. Sorry to hear you have a cold when you're already feeling bad. It will pass in a couple of days and you will feel better. It's good that you are persevering with the Citalopram and one day soon you will start to feel betterx

[william wallace]

Hi Lillie, what you need is a big hairy arsed Scotsman to come and apply some Vicks Vapour Rub for you

Hope you're feeling better today

[Lillie]

It's 18 day.
Since I have a cold I stop diazepam, dont need it now, as no panic because I sleep about 20 hours for a day... and I dont know, if it is cause by cold or cit...?
Dont feel anything, no feelings at all. No power, just sleep, eat, sleep, eat... all day long. At last I feel hunger again. I even had some cheescake.

I do noy understand what is happen with me now. Its confusing.
Depression thoughts are coming and saying about me as I m rubbish... but I m far away, hardly hear it. Like not about me.

Selfharming thoughts are still with me, when I think about a tasks which I m not able to do, and they overloading me.

[william wallace]

Appetite is a good sign Lillie, and so is taking a break from Diazepam.
Let us know how you are tomorrow.
Thinking about you

[Lillie]

Still sick but i have to go back to work. I think about myself badly, considering suicide. Gone back to diazepam, panic again. My all body is tired as mind. It should be better now, i feel worse. Not sleeping again. Taste of food makes me sich, but i eat. I dont mind. I dont care. Ive got a dream to run away to asia or africa and die in the water. Thats all what i feel.

[william wallace]

Sorry that you are feeling so bad Lillie, but suicide is not the answer. Suicide means the illness wins and the only loser is you. You have to be strong, and fight these feelings.
Keep taking the Citalopram and one day soon you will start to feel better

[Lillie]

Terrible sinus infection, no kick from cit. Sleep few hour a night even with diazepam.
I'm really starting to not expect any help from that medication.

[william wallace]

Morning Lillie.
Have you thought about using the chatroom? You might be able to have a one to one with one of the ladies there. Do you have any family or friends that you can talk to? From your writing I get the feeling that you are not native to the UK. Are you from somewhere exotic?

[Lillie]

Not exotic at all.
But no UK.
I'm really having nobody. I destroy all my relationships.
Nobody in the world.