Health anxiety about my mental health

[Scared_11]

Hi everyone!

I hope someone can relate to why I am about to share because I feel so alone in this one!

Basically I have suffered health anxiety in the past with everything to do with my heart! That has passed now after lots of reassurance from doctors!

I now basically have this horrible fear about my mental health! I worry myself sick that I will lose control and kill myself! I am worrying all the time that I am going to develop severe anxiety and lose the will to live and hurt everyone around me who I know love me so much. Is this a stupid worry? Yes I know that it is but I am on this vicious circle were these thoughts are making me feel down and worried about life and therefore these feelings are feeding my fear and I fear I am convincing myself that I will want to do the things that fears me the most!

It all started about a year ago when I developed OCD and had intrusive thoughts of harming myself or acting on an impulse and the thought of what that would do to my mum and dad made me sick to my stomach.

I have seen a therapist and she has confirmed I have just have health anxiety about my mental health and the OCD links in with this. So now the past week I have ha this constant battle in my head of woul I wouldn't I?! I know I don't want to die I just want these worries I go away as I know I am in control. I jut worry at the minute that I might give up this battle and act out!

I think it's the fear of losing control.
Does this sound so so ridiculous or can anyone relate in anyway?!

[hazy]

So sorry to hear of your horrible time right now. Health anxiety is firstly very hard for people on the outside to understand, I try and explain to my Mum who basically brushes it all off and says don't be ridiculous. Sounds to me that depression is your deman which in turn triggers health anxiety and such like.

The fact that you are aware of your thoughts is a good thing and so you can address these fears as and when they occur. It is absolutely mind over matter and whilst its easy to say, you must as soon as you start on a down day to tell yourself that you are fine and to get a grip, like I do. I can relate to what you are saying whole heartedly and I have been fine on and off for a good while now until I split from my husband of 17 years and now I am trying to come to terms with being a single parent of two boys and living in a new town, having no car, little money, no friends and just my Mum and Dad to speak to occasionally. Things could be worse but I have to keep reminding myself that it won't be like this forever and to stay positive.

Are you on any medication,if not I strongly recommend you do, or at least think of changing them for something more effective. Don't be down on yourself, you aren't and won't lose control, its just anxiety and to force yourself to think happy thoughts when the negative ones come into your head is vital and keeping busy and not just sitting and thinking about it.

Good luck xxx

[Scared_11]

No I haven't had any medication because one of the side effects is suicidal thoughts and so I feel too anxious about that to have them.

I feel like this is such a complicated health anxiety to have as it goes hand in hand with my OCD.

It is some sort of mental issue that may cause me to kill myself that I fear the most and I worry about it all the time! I have moments were I just can't shake the thoughts. I fear losing control and disconnecting withy family. It's just so scary.

I am sorry to hear about ur current situation but it's nice to know that you can put a positive slant on things.

Thanks for ur post

[crystal17]

Hi Scared, I really relate to this. Its been worse the past week when its been in all the news about Gary Speed killing himself and all the reports saying he was perfectly happy and had no reason to end his life.
It got me thinking that it could happen to any of us and last week I started having thoughts pushed into my head about different suicide methods and what would be the best one. I didnt want these thoughts!!!!

I dont feel suicidal at the moment and have never seriously contemplated doing it but sometimes I get this barrage of thoughts and worry that I might one day not care and just do it! So I do understand what you are going through.

I also worry about hurting others and wonder if I should be allowed in situations where I have access to people I might hurt or objects I could use as weapons!! It sounds crazy to type this. I would never tell anyone.

I'm really glad you're getting help and moving forward, PM me anytime you wanna chat, and be reassured that you are NOT the only one struggling with this.

[Scared_11]

Hi Scared, I really relate to this. Its been worse the past week when its been in all the news about Gary Speed killing himself and all the reports saying he was perfectly happy and had no reason to end his life.
It got me thinking that it could happen to any of us and last week I started having thoughts pushed into my head about different suicide methods and what would be the best one. I didnt want these thoughts!!!!

I dont feel suicidal at the moment and have never seriously contemplated doing it but sometimes I get this barrage of thoughts and worry that I might one day not care and just do it! So I do understand what you are going through.

I also worry about hurting others and wonder if I should be allowed in situations where I have access to people I might hurt or objects I could use as weapons!! It sounds crazy to type this. I would never tell anyone.

I'm really glad you're getting help and moving forward, PM me anytime you wanna chat, and be reassured that you are NOT the only one struggling with this.

Everything you have just typed literally could have come straight from my own fingers! In the past I struggled with intrusive thoughts about harming myself that distressed me so much I was so miserable and then after some therapy I seem to get over it! But since the news of Gary Speed last weekend everything has come back to me! It makes me feel better that other people feel the same.

Har u had any treatment? I found mindfulness meditation realy helps, read up on it of ur not aware of it. I actually discribed it as a cure for my mental health anxiety and thought I wud never be back here so I am going to try and do that again starting this week!

It is such a horrible thing to worry about as u feel so trapped and confused.

[crystal17]

Yeah it is confusing isnt it, because we know that it isnt the real 'us' thinking these things, its anxiety causing us to think them because its a way of winding ourselves up.

Ive not heard of mindfulness meditation, I have tried to meditate though in the past but I cant concentrate and my mind goes crazy lol, but i will google it and try again.

Not having any other treatment, Ive seen plenty of counsellors and I know what i need to do to start getting better (leave my partner) and im not able to do that :(

It helps to talk to somone who goes through the same things though and not feel so alone

[Scared_11]

Yes it's horrible!! Yea I know that it is just anxiety and I just keep telling myself that!

Yes I would definitely recommend it. I got a book of amazon with a cd in to guide you and I find it does help a lot. It's not about not having the thoughts it teaches u to just accept them as 'mental events'. You have to be patient with it and give it time and I don't know how it works for sure but it is worth a go.

I just hope that these worries lose their power soon. I dot want to die through fault of my own and hurt everyone I love so much.