Apparently I have social anxiety?
Well I'm already a member to this website and typically post my threads in the category of "general anxiety" as I have GAD and go through fears where I excessively worry. Well my fear that I've had since I was a freshman in high school (I am now a senior, 17 years old) is puking in front of certain people that my counselor and I have determined are people that I'm worried of impressing. I don't want to puke in front of these people because I'm ashamed of my anxiety since I grew up without understanding from my family and I guess I subconsiously feel like I'm not good enough for certain people and it's like a self fulfilling prophecy of letting myself freak out and puke in front of them and see if they reject me. Again, this is subconciously as I don't really think through this whole process but I am just on constant alert of having a big enough anxiety attack to where I will puke. And an important note I should make is that this is primarily with my initimate relationships. It all started when I went out to eat for the first time with my first boyfriend's parents when I was 14. I didn't have this fear yet. Well, while we were eating, I started feeling funny but I was actually sick and I think it was the food. So I excused myself and went to the bathroom in time and was sick. Then we were leaving and I started feeling it again and I bent over and puked in the hood of my jacket which no one else in the car noticed besides my boyfriend and I. So I had to cradle it until I got home. Since that day, I have been afraid of that happening and not being able to control my puking if I start to feel anxious in front of boyfriends. Right now I have been dating my current boyfriend for 7 months that makes my 2 exes look like lessons learned. I love him with all my heart. When we started dating I was already comfortable around him and didn't even have to bring up my anxiety because it was non-existant. I was anxious at times, but not enough to escalate to puking. Then it happened. His parents took us out to eat and I had gone out to eat with them before and didn't have any worries. We were driving home and it was in the summer so it was really hot and my boyfriend and I had to sit in the very back which made me feel trapped. My anxiety level shot up and I felt my mouth start to water and tried to breathe but I couldn't control it. I puked and held it in my mouth but couldn't hold it and I completely embarassed myself. They had to pull the car over and his mom was so empathetic and was probably worried that I was going to start crying but I was so numb with shock and was just desperately wishing I could take all that back. My boyfriend was super supportive and was rubbing my back the whole way home and was reassuring if I was ok. Later that night I ended up telling him about my anxiety and his parents still don't really know about it and just thought it was the heat. He told me that my anxiety wasn't a problem but more of an understanding and he understood. No matter how encouraging and reassuring he sounds, that day was a huge step back for me and I still have my moments but I haven't puked in front of him again. I have to limit myself and have gone off and on with not eating until I get home at night so I know I have nothing to puke up when I'm around him at school. I can't keep doing this because it is definitely not healthy either physically or socially. I'm scared to death to go out to eat with his family and even him and we have a dinner date in 2 days with just him which isn't too stressful but I'm still anxious. Help?!
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