I made a list! "Things that are not working out :)"

[CorneliusRuperTravis]

Things that are not working out

From now on, I have decided to give up the following:

. Obsessing over my thoughts, and trying constantly to make them feel "right" in my head, thereby making me overly self-aware and letting them have power over me.

. Neglecting my friendships and avoiding social situations out of fear I may feel uncomfortable, especially where clubbing and alcohol may be involved.

. Obsessing over living my life "perfectly" and trying to avoid mistakes or personal hardship.

. Not accepting risk in my life, and thinking too "black and white" by always seeing the absolute worst outcome of a situation.

. Forcing myself to make irrelevant future decisions in my head, but at the same time being torn against two opposing choices, out of fear of getting one "wrong".

. Comparing myself to others, and trying to keep my ego in check.

. Comparing my interests and talents to others, and feeling foolish when I feel that mine "aren't as good".

. Putting myself down in conversations with others

. Trying to please everybody and letting myself get controlled by others, out of fear of rejection.

. Worrying too much about how I look, and trying to live up to other people's standards.

. Constantly reading self-improvement material on the internet, and then consequently feeling unfulfilled and unhappy with my life.

. Holding onto to throw-away comments I found to be hurtful, whether intended or not.

. Trying to be extraordinary to everybody, instead of just being myself.

. Ignoring those who reach out for me and trying to make contact with those who don't bother, or do so only out of selfish gains.

. Worrying about the state of my health and symptom checking my anxiety levels instead of just concentrating on my immediate surroundings.

. Trying to be over-diplomatic out of fear of hurting somebody's feelings.

. Holding onto dogma, instead of making up my own decisions in life.

. Neglecting my talent for acting, and fearing it, when it is had brought me only great experiences in the past.

. Hiding my true self, passions and talents from others, out of fear of judgement and embarrasment.

. Putting things off for "another day" because I don't feel ready, or in the "mood" to do so.

. Spending time on the computer long after I have become bored, and not moving on to another activity which is more fullfilling.

. Comparing current relationships to my past relationships

. Trying to protect everybody (especially women) from situations or others I feel may hurt them, instead of trusting everything will be perfectly okay

. Always focusing on what I DON'T want to happen.

. Taking life too seriously and trying to fix everything.

. Waiting around for the "right moment", instead of just doing it now.

. Making every small issue out to be an enormous personal struggle.

[Dnvgraphics2k12]

I love this list somes me up in one good work CorneliusRuperTravis

xx

[carefree68]

wow great list. So much of it makes sense.

[NoPoet]

Hi, while listing your issues and perceived faults can be helpful, I have been doing this (a lot) for over 2 years now and I've come to some conclusions:

Most of our perceived faults are NOT as bad as we think.

Most of our perceived faults are common to nearly everyone.

Listing all of our perceived faults can make us feel like failures, especially if there are loads of them, and can increase stress, especially if you keep forgetting to modify ingrained habits.

Trying to change a dozen different elements of your character can get daunting or frustrating. While I do believe in self-improvement and it does definitely bring results, I would make the list more like this:

From now on, I have decided to do the following:

* Show more consideration and respect to myself and those around me.
* Learn to be comfortable with who I am.
* Learn to enjoy life, enjoying what's happening now, and adopting an attitude of "I'll handle it" as a response to worries about the future.

Bit of a difference in the list size, isn't it?

[theharvestmouse]

good idea, I might do this when I can be bothered.

Something that in itself needs to go on my list:

motivation to do the things that reduce my anxiety feelings.

[CorneliusRuperTravis]

Thanks for the replies guys


PsychoPoet, thanks for your feedback I agree with you that making a big list like this can be intimidating, and can make things worse, but writing this has actually had the opposite effect: it felt like a big weight off my chest. Since writing it, I haven't re-read it - I scrolled straight past it to reply to this thread. I think it was highly useful for me to make this list of my perceived faults, and then just letting it be.

Of course, I know you'll tell me I'm not letting it be completely, else I wouldn't be checking this thread for replies...but I feel a bit release now, almost as if I can put the past behind me and move on with optimism