When I was pregnant with my 2nd baby I have a lot of problems, possible miscarriage in earily pregnancy etc. At the end of my pregnancy I was having panic attacks and I virturelly never never left the house for the last 2months. After I had the baby I was fine for a while then around 3 months postnatal, I started having nightmares bad ones which I woke up screaming. Dreaming of family members dying and myself, its all I thought about. I was quite weepy, snappy and didnt care to do anything just stay locked away. I managed to get past that feeling, but I still didint feel right. Then I was being harrassed by my landlords brother, which involved police being called and lawyers etc. I then started taking bad panic attacks and I guess also the feeling like Im falling fast into darkness. I dont understand why I would feel this way, why Im not stronger. Sometimes I feel like if I died noone would miss me and I know that is sooo stupid and selfish to think but I do. I constantly feel quilty bcuz I have two beautiful babies and I shouldn't ever feel sad or depressed. I feel like they deserve a better mother. Im surranded by peeople who dont understand me at all. They tell me, you need to be strong, just focus on the good. But I dont want to feel like this, its like they think I want too. I decided enuff was enuff and I went to a womans center and talked about the harrassment and all my feelings. She mentioned to me postnatal depression and referred me for counceling, which I was soo happy to hear. Becuz I was given pills but Im afraid to take them. I just want to be happy again.