8 months postnatal

[taradorff]

When I was pregnant with my 2nd baby I have a lot of problems, possible miscarriage in earily pregnancy etc. At the end of my pregnancy I was having panic attacks and I virturelly never never left the house for the last 2months. After I had the baby I was fine for a while then around 3 months postnatal, I started having nightmares bad ones which I woke up screaming. Dreaming of family members dying and myself, its all I thought about. I was quite weepy, snappy and didnt care to do anything just stay locked away. I managed to get past that feeling, but I still didint feel right. Then I was being harrassed by my landlords brother, which involved police being called and lawyers etc. I then started taking bad panic attacks and I guess also the feeling like Im falling fast into darkness. I dont understand why I would feel this way, why Im not stronger. Sometimes I feel like if I died noone would miss me and I know that is sooo stupid and selfish to think but I do. I constantly feel quilty bcuz I have two beautiful babies and I shouldn't ever feel sad or depressed. I feel like they deserve a better mother. Im surranded by peeople who dont understand me at all. They tell me, you need to be strong, just focus on the good. But I dont want to feel like this, its like they think I want too. I decided enuff was enuff and I went to a womans center and talked about the harrassment and all my feelings. She mentioned to me postnatal depression and referred me for counceling, which I was soo happy to hear. Becuz I was given pills but Im afraid to take them. I just want to be happy again.

[snowgoose]

hi Taradorff

so sorry you are feeling so low ..have read your other thread about tight throat.
Look to left hand side of screen and look down until you see symptoms and then click on ..........that choking feeling is very common with anxiety and is described there ..........also if you go to black bar on top of screen .where it says search .type in tight throat /globus and other posts will appear for you to read .

Have you seen your doctor honey? What pills have you been given that you are scared to take ?

hope you feel at home here xx

[taradorff]

the pills are called chlordiazepoxide, my doc wanted me to try them but I read on the internet it makes you very tired and they are highly addictive and I was soo scared to try them.

[snowgoose]

Blimey Tara .....dont blame you
Havent heard of anyone being prescribed them for years . I was, in the 70s for very short time under psychiatric care .
I think maybe you need to see another GP ? there are better more advanced meds I think better suited for you as young mum with panic and anxiety . x

[taradorff]

really? it was a male old old doctor who I had seen, Now I did say to him that I cant take anything that prevents me for taking care of my children properly and I asked him are those ok to take? and he said ya no problems but only take them for a week. When I seen the warning on the bottle I was like woah here I need to look them up. And thank god I didnt take them, but I feel I need something. I have a doctors op for monday and hopefully they will offer something that doesnt make it sleepy, something from this decade thanx I already feel better to be able to talk to people who know what im going through. I think if you havent gone thru it, how can you understand it? Im hope counceling will work as well.

[snowgoose]

you will get better care on Monday Tara
and counselling will help hugely
good luck and let us know how things go