Moral support during the first few weeks?

[secretsquirrel]

Thanks Katie - yep, I do want to keep with it, I took Prozac years ago and I think I remember going back to the doctor after a couple of weeks because of the awful side-effects, but he persuaded me to stick with it and I came out of it eventually. I just feel really hopeless going through this stage, especially missing work. No one that I know of in my office has ever been off with this kind of thing before, so I feel quite self-conscious that they're going to wonder where I am, which doesn't help.

I take the pills at night - usually I feel worst in the morning, so I didn't want to have the levels in my blood to be at their lowest first thing. I was sleeping just great until last night, so I don't know if it's the meds, or (more likely) the stress of going through the work thing - I'm really disappointed to find I can't concentrate enough to stay at work. Last time, I was really proud of myself that I managed to keep going to work. But maybe I need to cut myself some more slack.

As you say, it'll all be worth it eventually - every day completed is one day closer to the turning point.

I don't want to be just sitting around on my own doing nothing, but today I do just feel like I need some rest, so it's me, the sofa and the TV. Might get up and tidy up a little bit later, and I texted a friend who also takes Prozac and said she'd phone later and maybe pop over.

I remember you mentioned the dinner before. Maybe a nap this afternoon would give you the energy to last a bit longer through the evening? Do your partner's parents know what you're going through at the moment?

Sue xx
PS - just gonna private message you something too...

[secretsquirrel]

Two weeks in now and this is harder than ever. I did get a good night's sleep last night but I've felt terrible today, as if I couldn't get off the sofa or out of bed. Somehow, I don't know how, I got off the sofa to go for a walk, and even this afternoon, as I lay in bed and the shakes were setting in, forced myself out for a run.

I'm determined to get through this, but it's completely hellish right now. I've got a doctor's appointment this evening to go and talk it through.

[katie23]

Hey sue what did the Dr say? x

[secretsquirrel]

Hiya - she gave me a prescription for a small dose of diazepam to use in the short term, I'm so pleased. I've taken one, and the anx hasn't gone away completely but is much better.

I also discovered that a friend of mine who lives nearby suffers similarly so we met up for a quick chat. Feeling more positive now, but then I always seem to in the evening, and freeze up again in the mornings. Hopefully the diazepam might help that tomorrow. Don't want to become dependent on it, but if it helps ease things in the short term, I'm pleased.

---------- Post added at 21:52 ---------- Previous post was at 21:51 ----------

PS - Hope you had a good day x

[secretsquirrel]

Just for the record - my first good day. What a wonderful feeling to wake up not wrought with anxiety. Took one diazepam mid-morning before going to a restaurant for lunch, but that's all. Feels like day and night compared to yesterday.

[secretsquirrel]

Things vary so much, and it's hard to know how much is to do with having ups and downs, and how much is about changing your expectations. I had high hopes after my great day mentioned above that I"d turned a corner but yesterday and today haven't been that great.

But then I've done much more both days - been out further, had a new year's sea swim with friends and cheering onlookers, had lunch in a crowded pub without feeling overwhelmed, none of which I could have done several days before. So I must be improving, and just feel so disappointed because of the comparison with my really good day - I'm really aware that I'm doing all these things while also feeling crap inside and slapping on a grin, rather than actually feeling the pleasure I should be getting from them. Whereas I guess I should congratulate myself for doing them at all.

Back to work for a day tomorrow, no idea how that'll be, but I think it's important for me to give it a go.

Hope everyone's had an OK New Year - here's to a better 2012 for all of us. x

[Mindful01]

Stat strong sue. Your words are helping me go through my tough time. God bless

[secretsquirrel]

Thanks so much, Mindful. Good luck to you. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

I didn't go back to work as planned on 2 January, took a few more days off, feeling rotten. I got back in on Thursday and Friday last week, which were tough, but I got through them.

On Saturday I had an excellent day - I actually felt normal ALL DAY! It felt like a miracle. I was taking part in an organised 5K run and had encouraged several friends to do it as well, so we all met up, everyone enjoyed the race and my good mood lasted right through the day, just feeling like myself. Then, of course, yesterday I reverted to the horrible nervous stomach again, so disheartening but I suppose no surprise. I dragged myself out of bed to meet some friends for breakfast, then had a long walk with one of them. Again, it was a matter of thinking "I might as well be doing something and feeling crap, rather than doing nothing and feeling crap."

Went to bed for late afternoon/early evening and had an OK evening in front of the telly with my flatmate, and a good night's sleep.

This morning I considered calling in sick as I lay in bed with the usual horrible morning anxiety, but got myself up and dressed, and have made it to my desk. I'm trying to break the day down into tiny achievements - even just getting here feels like a marathon effort, I can't think too much about the rest of the day yet.

On Thursday it'll be four weeks since I started the fluoxetine. I think it's at least four to six weeks, or more before you see any improvements, it would be great if the good days started to become more frequent soon.

[secretsquirrel]

And yet again, I'm amazed by how much moods can fluctuate. After a paralyzing morning (not helped by having taken a diazepam in the morning to cope with the anxiety, which left me struggling not to fall asleep at my desk...) I went out and sat on the hill outside the office in the beautiful sunshine to have my lunch, and by the afternoon things felt brighter. By late afternoon I felt my 'real' self again, and have just had a friend round for dinner and once again feel normal.

I also booked Wednesday off work, which has made me feel great - the idea of a whole five days at work was feeling really daunting but dividing it up so I only have two days at a time to get through feels much more achievable, and on Wednesday I'm actually excited to do have a good rest and do something really nice.

[Kendra]

Hi,

I'm on day 6 of prozac and feel dreadful, waking up sweating feeling sick needing the toilet. I have barley ate since starting them all i want to do is sleep. I have seen my boss today and ended up in floods of tears the experience was overwhelming!! I am a right mess!!! I really dont think I can take these anymore!! I am on them for PA's but this feels 100% worse!!

At least with the PA's they go away eventually. I'm the one who makes myself ill by thinking about them all the time!!

I want these horrible SE to go. I cant even function around my lil boy, my mam has been helping the passed few days!!!!