unwated thoughts help please

[scouse]

this morning when i was in bed with my girlfriend i had my arm around her and she had hers on top of my arm and because of my anxiety and depression i cant feel or be happy about things for long period time maybe lasts a few mins if that, but anyway as i couldnt feel or think it was cute that her arm was on top of mine i got all anxious and started getting unwanted thoughts they were getting stronger and i get unwated gay thoughts, i have nothing against gays etc i have had gay experiences in the past which was before i had a girlfriend i think but now with my anxiety and depression and ocd which i think i do have i get these recurring experiences in my head and once they are there its hard to get rid of or forget them, just like i cant feel happy with my girlfriend and feel like i dont love her etc etc its hard to stop thinking about them everything seems really hard, i was writing her christmas card earlier and i felt like i couldnt put love you on it and felt like as if a didnt love her but i do, i keep saying to her why is this happening to me i dont feel i am going to get better or be myself again and she says i will be ya need to be positive but its so hard so be positive and say i will get better i will be happy again etc etc because it feels like i am lying to myself about loving her and not these stupid unwated gay thoughts, everything i so hard how am i gona get help and change and be happy again to actually feel instead of knowing i love my girlfriend :( and all negative unwated thoughts, even when i look at the telly or see another person like a girl i get things in my head like shes nice etc or look at her arse but i feely guilty then and i tell my girlfriend and she says i dunno why you tell me but i tell her and said this to her its because i feel guilty i say to her because when i look at other girls an get a feeling inside dunno if its a shock feeling or what i dont get that with my girlfriend and i said to her maybe thats because thats wrong in liking another girl because i cant because am not single nor do i want anyone else besdies my girlfriend, scared that my mind will go off and think about these girls when am with my girlfriend and then go off my girlfriend, people do come up in my head when am with my girlfriend exs and that and i dunno why, everything feels so hard i just wanna sleep and never wake up until i have no problems and i can enjoy being and seeing my girlfriend like actually feel it instead of knowing or wanting to, even when men are on the telly or ya see gay people i will think or feel am gay or it will bring up my past bad experiences which i do regret that happened even though yet again it feels like i dont regret it !!! even if theres a man on the telly an ye he might look nice as in you could say he probably gets the girls yano i dont wanna think of this crap, all i want is a normal life which is to be happy am not asking or much just wanna be normal be happy have no stuff in my mind not over think not have anxiety and depression, i wanna back to being how i used to be with my girlfriend as in feeling happy etc feelings happy with everything i do why is that so hard? am not asking much, i also do feel what if i dont love my girlfriend, what if i am gay ? i get scared that i cant control my mind, i even have unwanted things in my mind to hit my girlfriend etc but i dont but am scared that i may not be able to control myself and mind, scared incase a gay situation does come up and something does happen, scared incase i do have to split up with my girlfriend i just hope this is anxiety which i keep telling my girlfriend and she says it is, its just so hard to think that its not anxiety and depression but also maybe anxiety and depression does make it seem hard to think its anything but that, sometimes i can lay or sit here and i will say f..k off out my head to things i dont want there sometimes i feel so tired and drained to just not say anything in my head when they come because it does feel so tiring because its over and over again, why is this happening to me why :(:( i will get back to being myself again wont i ? :(

[scouse]

??

[theharvestmouse]

sounds like you are confused with your sexuality, maybe its because of anxiety that making you question yourself repeatedly.

[scouse]

i know am straight mate just gettin unwanted stuff in my mind just hope it is anxiety all the problems i have

[blingkasa]

Anxiety and OCD do that, its all kinds of " What if's" and they never have an answer. Try reversing them. Dont say " What if" , say " so what" and also distract yourself from them. I have stupid thoughts too.. Anxiety is the key. Good luck.

[theharvestmouse]

but you said you had some homosexual experiences, thats why you sounded confused. It is possible that you could be Bi.

[NoPoet]

Hi Scouse, you need to split large blocks of text into smaller paragraphs, it's easier for people to read

While your thoughts are clearly distressing to you, it seems like you're trying way too hard to block them out and deny them. When you were younger, if you were arguing with a brother or sister or schoolfriend, and one of them used to annoy you, the worst thing you can do is say "Stop it!" or "Go away!" Once they hear that it's open season!

Your thoughts are like that. They can be petty, annoying, quarrelsome, frustrating, and for someone ill with anxiety/depression/OCD they can be fearsome.

It's all about how you react to the thoughts. Shuddering in cold fear and having adrenaline blasting through your system will simply make the effect of the thoughts appear more shocking. In the words of Claire Weekes you add "second fear" - a terrified reaction to a scary thought. Trying to ignore them makes them all the more obvious; that's how human psychology works.

Seems like a lot of your fear centres around losing your girlfriend, and losing control of yourself. You don't suddenly "turn" gay, you aren't in denial, these thoughts are just a manifestation of insecurity and anxiety and they won't hurt you or break up your relationship.

[scouse]

Hi Scouse, you need to split large blocks of text into smaller paragraphs, it's easier for people to read

While your thoughts are clearly distressing to you, it seems like you're trying way too hard to block them out and deny them. When you were younger, if you were arguing with a brother or sister or schoolfriend, and one of them used to annoy you, the worst thing you can do is say "Stop it!" or "Go away!" Once they hear that it's open season!

Your thoughts are like that. They can be petty, annoying, quarrelsome, frustrating, and for someone ill with anxiety/depression/OCD they can be fearsome.

It's all about how you react to the thoughts. Shuddering in cold fear and having adrenaline blasting through your system will simply make the effect of the thoughts appear more shocking. In the words of Claire Weekes you add "second fear" - a terrified reaction to a scary thought. Trying to ignore them makes them all the more obvious; that's how human psychology works.

Seems like a lot of your fear centres around losing your girlfriend, and losing control of yourself. You don't suddenly "turn" gay, you aren't in denial, these thoughts are just a manifestation of insecurity and anxiety and they won't hurt you or break up your relationship.

thanks for the reply and everyone else, its hard to enjoy time with my girlfriend when i think and feel i dont want her feels like am forcing myself to kiss and hug her its like i dont want to its really annoying it also still feels like i am lying to myself the tablets i take are not got my anxiety its just for slowing my heartbeat and reducing panic attacks and depression and thinking ocd, theres nothing thats helping my mind relax