Hello from another newbie

[Gill]

Hi to everyone here, I'm Gill. I'm 35, married & I have suffered with anxiety to a certain extent for most of my twenties, but only really realised something was really wrong a few years ago. I think I have a type of social phobia, though I'm not really sure if it is generalised anxiety, but it seems to centre vaguely around having to "perform" in front of other people.
I used to drive, but haven't been able to for several years because I worry that I will have an accident or make a mistake. I haven't been able to work since 2001 because I got so stressed about being able to cope, and meeting figures, and not being as good as the others that I made myself ill.
Before that I had already started and given up 4 different jobs since 1996.Each time i started the new job, I felt worse than the last time and now even thinking about applying for a job makes me feel really anxious. I always thought it was the jobs that were the problem, but then I realised it was me!
I try to stay positive, but sometimes I do get miserable, as I feel a failiure that I am not working anymore. I sometimes feel I am letting myself & my husband down, though he is very supportive & says it doesn't matter to him. I don't take any regular medication, but I have lorazepam ( a tranqilizer) for "emergencies".
At the moment I can't see how I am ever going to improve. I am a bit worried that I will get worse, as I now also get very nervous about meeting new people and situations that I am not used to, where people don't know what I am like. I even had to take my lorazepam to go to a family party recently, just because I knew I would have to make "small talk" with people I don't know. I never used to be as bad as that.
Anyway, this is getting a bit long now, but I am very glad I found this website. I sometimes feel isolated with this problem as I don't know anyone else like me, so it would be nice to be able to talk to others who understand. (Thanks to Nic who who talked to me in the chatroom a couple of weeks ago when I was very miserable. It helped)

Gill

[Peanut61]

Hi, Gill = I'm a newbie to the site, too, but I, like you, really like it, so hopefully we can both work on our anxiety 'stuff' here, together, eh? Warmest regards.

HI FROM PEANUT!

[Meg]

Hi Gill,

Welcome to the site.

You're certainly not alone.It's all too common these days. Most people who stop by this site but don't post, will be nodding their heads and somehow be relating to what you've described and feeling better already that someone else feels as they do. Well done for sharing your story.

Those of us who do post regularly can certainly relate - even if we have had different foibles .........

Th fact that you are functioning on a daily basis is great -don't worry about work- you need to heal yourself first, it will follow when you're ready for it.

Be truly thankful for a supportive husband and the space that he allows you. Don't ever take it for granted - many people are not so fortunate. When you decide what you want to do, take the time to explain it to him so he can share in your achievements. It's important to most partners that they are kept well informed and will really be such a help during any difficult times.

You are not a failure at all - you can choose to let this follow a path of downward spiralling where you may experience an increase in fears or you can choose to do something about it now and halt it in its tracks and relearn your confidence and joie de vivre. Totally your choice. You are causing this anxiety within yourself by your messages to yourself about how you will react to situations so you can choose to change and leave it all behind. Sounds so easy .... I wish - but it is certainly within reach.

Intermittant Ativan is fine - monitor how much you take it and try not to let it increase regularly.

So actions you could take are to visit your GP and ask for a referral for CBT therapy. All surgeries have access to a community mental health team- how long the waiting list is - can be anything.
You could research and find a local therapist - ensure they're experienced in CBT and they can be £ 30 -35 / hr. Most of them will give you time on the phone to explore what you want / what they can offer for free. You will benefit extremely quickly. Most people see significant differences within 3 sessions although may need more to fully resolve specific issues.

A few good CBT friendly self help books :

Feeling Good : David Burns
What to say when you talk to yourself : Shad Helmsletter
Embracing the Fear : Judith Bemis

All available from Amazon.co.uk

If you really want to tackle this I would suggest getting yourself on the NHS waiting list for CBT. Get a book or two in the meantime so you can get used to whats it's all about and then maybe in a month or two find someone for a couple of sessions if the NHS one hasn't started to just anchor it all and help you with any glitches .
You're going to be just fine - very soon .

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy- (changing your thought processes) is now proven to be as effective as medication to relieve anxiety and depression. It's not the easy way out as you have to actively think about what you're saying to yourself every minute of every day for a while. It's draining but its effects are longer lasting than meds and you did it yourself.

We look forward to hearing what you choose and how you're progressing.
Good luck

Meg

[Gill]

Hi to Peanut and Radar (and anyone else!)

Thanks both for your replies. Radar, your advice about CBT was really encouraging.I haven't been here for a few days, so it was a nice surprise to find replies. I have managed to get into the chat room a couple of times, but I don't think it will be a regular thing for me during the week as I'm usually in bed by 10.30pm. Sad, but true! (My husband gets up at 6 every day & I can never get back to sleep after he's woken me up, so its easier just to go to bed early.) I can't cope with being tired...I find it makes my anxiety worse.

I just re-read my initial post...what a gloomy picture I managed to paint! Anyway a quick update is that since that post I have been taking some positive steps, some of which Radar suggested:

1- I found a really good website about Social Anxiety Disorder,called SA-UK. I think Nic has put them in her "links" bit. They even run a self-help group in my area, based on CBT techniques specially geared towards Social Anxiety. They are starting up again in October, so I emailed to say I would like to go. (eek!! That felt like a BIG step.)Haven't heard from them yet, though.

2-I've ordered "Overcoming Social Anxiety" by Gillian Butler to read...its supposed to be one of the best books on the subject, and it deals with CBT. I should get it this week.

3- I sent off for a list of private therapists in my area from MIND and have been thinking about trying hypnotherapy, but haven't done anything yet as I discovered (as radar says) that I should be entitled to CBT on the NHS. I asked on the SA-UK message board if people there had had any luck getting it, and if they felt it benefited them, and the answers were quite positive.

So that is my next step, to ask my GP if he'll put me on the waiting list. I am scared about this last one as I hate going to my GP about anything to do with my anxiety. I keep thinking he'll say "no", like I'm a drain on NHS resources or something! But I will make myself go. If I promise to post here how I got on, I'll HAVE to, won't I?

So at the moment I feel quite positive, mainly because I feel I am finally doing something to help myself.

[Meg]

Well done indeed Gillian. Don't worry about the gloomy picture. It was how you felt on that day. Things have already moved on from there.

It's a great forfilling step to be regaining control of your destination - even if you're a few stations off the termimus as yet ...

The whole process of stopping thinking of yourself as a victim and taking your health matters into your own hands is so powerful- especially when you recognise that it's ok to ask for help. I hope you feel a couple of inches taller already.

With social anxiety - unless it all stems from a particular incident I would be inclined to find a therapist that is multi faceted as I'm not convinced about hypnotherapy alone as it deals with specific issues- great for spoecific panic attack triggers. Perhaps find someone who does CBT counselling as well as NLP and hypnotherapy so that they can deal with whatever emerges afer a session or two.

Excellent step - joining the SA-UK group . Its ok to be eeekkk !! All of you will be in a similar place in life and you can share and learn from each other. A huge step.

Books are excellent as you can do it at your own pace and rhythm and hi-light bits and pass it over to your husband with - thats what I've been trying to explain to you etc.

As for your GP . You are entitled to ask for a second opinion from another GP if he's not helpful. Most of them are really pleased that you've decided to do something positive and think it might get you off their hands. You'll probably eventually see a CPN who deals with all mental illnesses. On the whole they're really pleased to be able to do something positive with someone motivated and well as some areas of their work can be so demanding and unrewarding.
Most people have found the best bit with them was the endorsement that they were on the right path and gaining the confidence week by week.

Have patience with yourself and accept that some days will be wonderful- big- step progress days and others will be wobbly - keep -both- feet- on -the -ground days. That's just how it is.

Take good care and keep us posted on how you are.

Meg