3 years ago I was a victim with my baby dog of a violent crime. Since then I've fought a battle with anger, sometimes I have what I call "rage attacks" too that are awful. I've posted I feel temporarily insane during rages, I'm out of control. I am SO DANG ANGRY RIGHT NOW I am having to type very slow. In fact I've been typing so hard I just flipped my keyboard off table to the flor once.
My husband has an extremely serious heart condition. Everything tried has failed and he is failing very fast. I really love this man. If I loose him it will not only be for me loosing a husband, but my best friend, I kid him and call him my Fantasy Man. Well, he's not that great, who of us are, certainly not me, but we're terrified because he's slipping rapidly. Every morning I'm afraid to see if he even made it through the night. He's working, trying to, but he has to lay down in the car with oxygen, come home take 2 hour lunch hours and sleep. He's sleeping now almost all of the time. I'm an RN, I am not a doctor of course, but I can assess him and in general he looks horrid, and a lot more horrid than a month ago. His doctor feels the same. We're both very frightened, every day, every hour.
There is one more treatment to try. Two cardiologists have told us the same, this is the last they can do for him. He has "end stage" heart disease and his disease is moving extremely rapidly. He might be able to get some help though with these treatments if we do it immediately, the doctors say this, not just me, and the technician who schedules and does this is as slow as cold mud running down hill. She doesn't return phone calls, she has become insulting to me because I'm a beat slow with numbers because of a head injury. She noticed that, mainly I have number confusion, and she starts treating me like a three year old saying-every-thing-very-distinctly and then she said very slow and clearly that she understood my problems. I have few problems, all I asked her was the blasted date. Have you ever asked the date, and you are not head injured? Good grief. I know I have a lot more education than her and I'll bet a higher IQ. That's not nice and who cares but I think so but she now talks down to me like I am developmentally delayed. It is very demeaning but I have to stuff it or I know she will be less cooperative and it's very bad now. About an hour ago I got so horribly mad I found her number and I did this, I called her at home. I carried two phone with me today waiting all day for her rescheduling him. No call, so I call her, at her home. She bawls me out and I said something not nice but I don't care, she earned it. I was thinking she got off lucky she ought to know the rage I'm barely holding back! I started getting tunnel vision, seeing shooting stars and knew I was getting in rage trouble but by then see I want it, feel like I need it or something close. I have an accent I worked very hard to get rid of and IT pops up because the rage is coming on and my accent near always comes back and that does it for her. I give her a weapon: Accent = no intelligence to her. Ever noticed how people yell at people who speak a different language? Yeah, I got that a lot of my life. She asked me "why are you 'trying' to talk funny". TRYING TO? I've been trying not to my whole life! It's not her business how I talk anyway, it's my husb's heart goof ball, can we get down to it, pul-leeze? That was out of line to say to anyone. I write down her insults and ask others and they say ja insulted. She is too big for her boots and I am feeling like it is me to tear her down a few notches but I'd compromise my husband I fear. She tells me one story then she tells me another and denies the first. She say I never told you that. I had a head injury but my all my memory cells didni't leak out. Yes, she did say things she didn't follow thru on. I tear my hair out.
I have poured over literature, talked to people endlessly and the closest I can get is maybe special treatment can have 49.5% improvement. Mild to tremendous
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