you haven't deserted your son... he's in some tough stuff at the moment. i have no idea what to do about someone who is taking drugs (i assume he is, if he's also dealing) but i dont blame you for asking him to leave. i would just let him know you'll be there for him when he decides to stop, but until he decides to do that, there's not a lot you can do. you have your other kids to support you, make sure they know what you're going through. maybe they can have a word with your youngest as well.

think maybe you need to put yourself first for a bit and make sure other people do too. in the meantime, please continue to use this site, its great when you need a pick me up or you're feeling lonely. oh and maybe try seeing another doc, yours sounds useless! hope you feel better soon