ARGHHHH!

[Paniclissx]

well this might sound a bit jumbled as i have an awful lot on my mind!

i hit an all time low yesterday and just couldnt cope with life anymore (mainly down to the feelings of unreality and constantly feeling like im in a dream and nothing feeling real)

it got to the point where i felt so alone because i felt i didnt recognize anything and i felt as if i wasnt attached to my family, like i was in a bubble and watching them through a screen. i just felt like i didnt wanna be here anymore and i would be better off dead which freaked me out because i thought.. what if i throw myself down the stairs or kill myself and have no control over it!?

anyway.. i went to the doctors and told him all of my feelings, to which he replied.. 'its just attention seeking' he gave me sertraline (25mg) and sent me on my way.. anyway after feeling completely desperate and at the end of my tether, i took one this morning.

today, i hit an even lower low and really desperately wanted to end it all as i wanted to escape all of the feelings i was getting.

after hours of talking to my grandma, she finally calmed me down and told me about the time she felt like that and told me she understands how im feeling etc.. which really helped but still didnt take those horrible feelings of unreality away..

ive been researching sertraline on the internet and it says that it can increase the risk of suicide and cause death ! to which i completely freaked out..

now every feeling i get im convinced im gonna die because of taking a sertraline andim worried i will get worse and then kill myself. i want to get better not worse!

am i worrying about nothing? will these tablets help me?

i feel trapped because, i just dont feel like doing anything, i dont feel like staying inside but then again i dont want to go out either. i want to eat but i dont... arghh whats wrong with me!?

im scared im gonna wake up tomorrow and im gonna feel even worse than i already do!! each day has just got worse and worse and i couldnt bear it if i felt any worse!! when will it end!? will these tablets make me feel better and if so how much longer do i have to wait.. im scared of every single moment! its horriblee

has anyone else had a similar story of depersonalisation causing depression? please help xx

[nicola1980]

First of all id recommend you go straight back to the doctors tomo and see another doc, that is absoutley awful what that doctor said to you especially as you went there for help.....it really makes me so mad 25mg is a fairly low dose of sertraline and yes it can increase your anxiety and on rare occasions SSRI AD's can give you suicidal thoughts, are you on your own tonight? if so is there anyone that can come and stop with you? i have been where you are now and its absolute torture but once you get the right sort of help you WILL get through this honestly but please go back to the doctors tomo and see another doc and tell them everything, sending you lots of hugs xx

[Paniclissx]

im not on my own no as i live with my parents.. do you think i will kill myself then? do you think it could be the sertraline after just one day? this is HORRIBLE! how did you feel? xx

[Carys]

I agree, go back to your usual doctor tomorrow and explain exactly the thoughts you are having. I believe that the 'suicidal thought' thing is listed on all drugs of this kind and is a very rare side effect, but a possible one. I think only a medic seeing you face to face at the moment will be able to ascertain whether your panic disorder is causing the feelings (which is most likely) and whether it could be side effects. The fact that you could feel somewhat better after talking to your Grandma is a good sign that it is your anxiety causing the feelings. I imagine your family are home with you tonight ? If the feelings really 'take hold' then could Mum call the mental health crisis team ?

[nicola1980]

no no no i don't think you are going to kill yourself but if you really feel like you want too then you need to tell your parents straight away, you said you felt like this before you started the sertraline so it could be that its just increased your anxiety which is common but if you feel suicidal and really think you are going to harm yourself then you need to tell your parents so they can help you xx

[Carys]

do you think i will kill myself then?

No of course not !!!! I think you are worried that you will 'lose control' and do it without knowing what you are doing it, which is similar in pattern to all the other times when you have felt fear, you have said the same thing.

HOWEVER, if you say you feel this way then a professional medical person needs to assess you, ask the appropriate questions etc. I don't think it is right that anybody who does not know you can make a judgement on how you are feeling right now.

[Paniclissx]

ive told my parents that i cant bear another second like this and the only way seems death and theyre really frutrated with me and now ignoring me.. im so so so scared i dont know what to do!

[snowgoose]

hi

so sorry you feel so bad .now then you hold on ok ?
have you got mental health team number from gp ...if not keep talking love .
this will pass honestly it will . Just horrible thoughts that scare the hell out of you while tired and so so upset .

life will get better. IT WILL .
your parents are scared also I guess and dont know what to do .

ring the Samaritans if no one around here .promise me xx
you have every right to a good life love . It will come eventually .
dont you get so bad that these thoughts take hold ok ? never ever lose hope .it is another day tomorrow and it is amazing how we can recover from these dark days . you will .you will xxxxxxx

[Paniclissx]

im tired and i just have the energy for this anymore, im terrified if i stop taking the tablets it will get worse but im scared if i carry on it will be even worse. i feel in a complete daze, i feel numb and i feel like i dont care anymore. im scared to wake up tomorrow incase its another agonizing day... im not eating cause i just dont see the point .. i have NEVER felt like this before, i dont even feel scared anymore!

[Carys]

I've felt like this, every single aspect of it when I was your age. I empathise with your agony

Not that knowing that fact can make you better, but knowing it might help you realise that there is recovery, there is a way out and the pain does stop. I promise you. Please start telling yourself this. Please don't let this cycle of fear trick you again Panicliss....go to bed and tell yourself that tomorrow will be better..and it really could be !!!