No Better

[feelingbad]

My anxiety came back really bad in the middle of December after being relatively anxious free (or at least being more in control) for a whole year. I started worrying that Christmas was on is way and that's when I was ill last year. I had a couple of nights where I didn't sleep well and it just set my anxiety off, worrying about Xmas, worrying I wouldn't get to sleep and would be too tired to work - the next thing I know I am having full blown panic attacks, back to the GP, put on Prozac (along with the Clomipramine and Oxazepam that I take daily). Since that time I am no better and the longer this period of anxiety lasts, the worse I am feeling. I was signed off work for 2 weeks and went back to the GP yesterday to get him to sign me back on for part time hours in the hope that keeping my mind focused and 'getting back to normal' may help. I managed 4 hours this morning but when I left work I sat in my car feeling all hysterical, crying and having waves of desperation and anxiety that I'm ill again. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life but I can't forget about how ill I feel no matter what I do. I try to keep busy but really I'm just rushing around as I feel too anxious to sit still. I can't seem to feel rational that I know this bad period will go and that soon I will have periods of the day where I will feel relaxed and happy and eventually the old 'me' will come back. I just feel at a total loss, isolated, lonely and I just spend every day in tears. I'm seeing a private counsellor tomorrow morning but have no faith that she will be able to help.

I just wish that I could switch my thoughts off for just half an hour so I would feel the old me come back.

[Stormsky]

hi, sorry to hear you are having a bad time...as you probably know, its the fear of it that keeps anxiety and panic alive... We become what we think about all day long.. if we think we are ill and tell ourselves we cant cope, then thats exactly what we get.. i once read, 'if you knew a certain food made you sick, you would stop eating it, so if certain thoughts make you sick, then you need to stop thinking them' I had CBT therapy years ago, and as soon as i feel a negative thought now, my mind automatically changes it with something positive.. I hope the councsellor is of help. Chin up,x

[saro]

Yea I agree its those negative thoughts that feed it. The best thing you can do for yourself is set yourself on a road to recovery by doing a mixture of different things to help improve your thinking. I found CBT medication and yoga all contributed to the way I think now. You need to work hard to get control of the attacks rather than them controlling you. It can be a long process. There is no miracle cure and sometimes in life they may return, just have to keep strong and plod on