My strange journey with Mirtazapine

[Belleblue]

Pleased to hear that things are still going well for you.

I think your doctor should be your first port of call regarding the problem with your eyes. If he/she thinks anything is amiss you will probably be referred to an opthamologist. Hope it gets resolved for you.

Take care now.
Belle x

[JT69]

Hi mono

Yes I still take a very small dose (7.5mg) along with 100mg pregabalin twice daily.

Jo.x

[Monostich]

Thanks Belle / Jo

Well what can I say. I finished my day shift and felt amazing this evening. One thing I've noticed is that I am laughing a lot again. My sense of humour is back, and with a vengence. Surely this is a sign that things are working now? I returned to my evening shift (I work from home) with a smile on my face.

Slowly and surely, I feel I am getting there. It's be a hard old slog though, I thought that Mirt would never work properly after feeling like such a zombie on the 30mg. I wish the doctor kept me on just 15mg when I started to be honest, I was only ever on 20mg Paroxetine, which I took for many years without increasing the dose - why put me on such a high dose of Mirt after just 2 weeks? Maybe it's because I broke down in her office. Who knows.

Anyway, no point in dwelling on the past - I am constantly looking ahead and trying to be positive now.

[lauz_lea]

I'm glad you're doing so well. Having also taken Seroxat in the past it's a relief to know that something else CAN work just as well - all the horror stories on websites like paxilprogress and seroxatmad all say that nothing will ever work as well but it's great to know they're wrong.

I keep reading, and being told by my GP, that 15mg isn't a high dose, or a theraputic dose, but everyone's different and reacts differently so the only people who can judge what's "theraputic" for us, is us.

After starting on 20mg of Seroxat around 10yrs ago, I reduced to 10mg when I was pregant with my daughter (who's now 7). I stayed on 10mg for years (wish I'd never come off it, but hey ho). So 10mg was plenty for me. A friend of mine is on 10mg of citalopram and has never been higher than that, even though the usual minimum is 20mg, so just shows how different we all are.

[klr]

Hi Lauz,I've also read the horror stories on Paxil Progress.I had an adverse reaction to Citalopram the second time I went on it.That site convinced me that no other meds were going to help me,they were wrong.I've been on 15mg of Mirtazapine for two years now,bit of a rocky time at the moment,but nothing I can't cope with.So,if 15mg is doing it for you,don't mess with the dose.I don't really have any faith in docs,unfortunately! x

[Monostich]

Whilst these forums can be a great help, sometimes websites like this can also make us paranoid and question the meds we're taking rather than actually getting on with it and letting them do their job. I've read all sorts of horror stories about anti depressants on various forums and to be honest, there are more horror stories than positive ones but I think I know why - the many people who the drugs are having a positive effect on are less likely to post in the forums because their lives have turned around for the better. When we are desperate for answers or need a shoulder to cry on, these forums are a God send.

Anyway, Day 34. I woke up earlier than usual, with a spring in my step. For the first time in many years I took my wife for breakfast before coming home to do my morning shift. I didn't even think about illness until I went on a long walk (but I always think a lot of my walks ) so not too worried about that.

I got back from my walk, cleaned the house from top to bottom and am going to start my afternoon shift soon. I am feeling better and better as the days go on. I'll never EVER go back to 30mg or higher - it was hell feeling numb to everything, I actually missed the panic attacks by the end because at least I felt something

But seriously, I feel good. Mirtazapine DOES WORK guys, maybe not for everyone, but IT IS working for me. Try to ignore the horror stories - don't even click on the thread if you think it's going to make you paranoid or question what your doctor has presribed you.

These drugs are approved for a reason. And things are looking up for me in the first time in God knows how many years.

Believe you will get better. I'll post my progress on a daily basis because even if it helps one person, I've achieved something.

[lauz_lea]

Thanks KLR, whilst it's only been 3 weeks on 15mg of mirt, the side effects have been no where near as severe at the paroxetine which is great. In the past I'd previously taken paroxetine for severe depersonalisation which was brought on by anxiety (which I didn't realise at the time), but after being off paroxetine for close to a year I felt the warning signs creeping up on me and decided I need to go back on paroxetine before the depersonalisation returned. Unfortunately, due to the increased anxiety that the paroxetine caused it brought on the depersonalisation AND depression. I was also vomitting everyday and barely sleeping. So my GP and I decided to introduce the mirt and reduce the paroxetine. Compared to where I was 3 weeks ago I'm a lot better, but compared to where I was two or three months ago (before going back on paroxetine), I've still got a long way to go.

I hate changing meds (whether upping or reducing a dose or swapping), but don't we all. I'm devastated that I feel worse than before I started back on paroxetine, I never thought that would happen for one minute, but I've stopped vomitting and am sleeping much better thanks to the mirt. It's still hard to tell which med is doing what at the moment though and don't know what to do about the paroxetine - stop it all together or stay where I am for a bit longer.

I'm hoping to return to work next week after a couple of months off which I'm sure will help - sitting around at home all day by myself certainly isn't.

[Monostich]

Day 35.

Still feeling calm and more positive about everything. Had a nice lay in this morning, think I needed it as last night I became extremely grumpy at around 11pm for some reason.

I'm feeling good. Not 100% by any means, but I'm getting there very slowly. The thought of reschulded dental treatment on Friday is not giving me the fear like it was a few weeks ago.

Fingers crossed I continue to feel better.

[JT69]

Good to hear Mono....onwards and upwards for you.

Jo.x

[lauz_lea]

Did anyone feel a bit numb when they started on mirt? I've been on 15mg for nearly 4 weeks and most of the time I feel a bit numb - not up, not down, just flat. Just wondering if this is normal.

I know its still early days, and mirt is definately calming my mind and I'm no longer suffering bad anxiety, depersonalisation or suffering with the horrendous state of depression that I ended up in 4 weeks ago and my mind is definately calmer - no more racing thoughts 24/7 so its definately helping, but I would like to feel some kind of enthusiasm.

I'm hoping to go back to work on Tuesday after 10 weeks off as sitting at home all day on my own really isn't doing me any favours.