Re: Seeping into all areas of life and thoughts
I am sorry if I have offended anyone with this post, I really didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings with the last post. I am just upset by these types of things, well its more of an overwhelming sense of fear. I haven't cried yet about it this time because im scared if I do I wont stop!
I have this book called imp of the mind - now when I read about bad thoughts etc and the "usual" things go on in a mind of someone who lives with bad thoughts I was able to relate to quite a lot of it. Then it went on to say when bad thoughts are dangerous -it says if you don't feel upset by your thoughts and find them pleasurable. Well that's definitely not me because I am terribly upset and disturbed by my thoughts.
The next one says if you have ever acted upon violent, sexual thoughts or urges in the past with people or animals.I have never acted upon any sexual bad thoughts. The only thing I can hold my hand up to is when I was younger, I dunno how old I was maybe 12. And I swung our cat round by its tail, i'd also shoot this play gun thing and it scared it. Now I can't describe just how mortified I am by this. It hurts me to think back to that because I am just so sorry. The only excuse I could give is back then I really didn't like cats but that's no excuse and I wish I'd never done it. I have two cats now and I love them to bits and I would never hurt them. I love them so much and it hurts me to think I have hurt a cat in the past. Anyway due to this I felt so scared and awful thinking because it said it in this book if you have ever acted upon a violent thought etc that it means something.
I feel compelled to keep reading this book hoping it will say something that will stick in my mind to let me know I wont do anything bad but I am taking everything literally and seeing if it eludes anything toward me.
God im just going round in circles!
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck