Does OCD/Anxiety trick the mind

[Chillihead]

Hello
I've recently been suffering with pure o/anxiety. Ive had a problem with intrusive thoughts and thinking I may be a paedophile. I have no attraction towards kids and these thoughts have made my life hell. The reason I'm asking about mind tricks is this, my wife went away last night for a couple of days for an interview. I've never minded being on my own in the past and I could relax etc. however this time I got a thought in my head that I would watch child porn. This thought made me very upset and depressed but now I can't stop thinking it over. I know I don't want to because I don't fancy kids or even want to but my mind is giving me urges. I know I won't look but I sure wish this would do one. It's made me scared to be on my own. I wouldn't even know where to find that kinda thing

Thanks for any help

---------- Post added at 11:35 ---------- Previous post was at 11:32 ----------

I'm also just past the 4 week stage of citalopram, could this make my thoughts worse until the mess kick in. I'm taking 20mg but my doc has suggested upping the dose to 30mg

[sickandtired]

yes meds can make your anxiety and pure o alot worse.
I actually had a horrible thought that i might stab my daughter and .....god i feel guilty just typing this......chop her up ...in my sleep.....and had a vision of me going hysterical when i awake the next morning and find her in her room .....I love my daughter ,like i love all my kids and would never do anything like that.I feel guilty even just giving them a tap for being naughty...which is very rarely.Im on week 8 of my meds and feel so much better
Its just a silly thought that comes into your head and its always the last thing you would do.Because its causing you so much upset,is confirmation that you are NOT a paedophile.
just see it as a stupid thought thats popped up in your head and dismiss it.
and to be honest I wouldnt up your dose yet.....4 weeks is hardly time for the meds to settle yet.

---------- Post added at 11:51 ---------- Previous post was at 11:48 ----------

sorry I meant to say your meds make anxiety and ocd thoughts worse DURING the early weeks of meds.....it will calm down,I promise

[Stormsky]

Anxiety plays tricks all the time... you posted same subject recently, and received some good replies to that one... YOU ARE NOT A POEDOPHILE... the fact the thoughts make you soooo uncomfortable/upset/depressed tell you that.
You just need to tell those thoughts that 'sorry i dont want to watch kiddie porn, i dont fancy kids, and im not going to listen to you anymore'... and let it go....

[hallam11]

Hi Chillhead,

If you read back through some of my posts mostly the ones in 2010 you will see that I have the same type of intrusive thoughts and yes I even had that one about the pron on the internet and for a time I wouldn't even go near my laptop! I can't tel you the secret for stopping the thoughts because I don't know it yet! It's a very difficult thing to deal with but keep strong
xxx

[Chillihead]

Thanks for the replies guys, I do know your all right but sometimes the thoughts get to me and I start questioning everything. How long did the citalopram take to kick in for you sickandtired, and what dose you on?

[mck]

Hi chillihead,
I have pure obsessive compulsive disorder & what you are describing is very normal, the thoughts & urges scare you and almost or sometimes cause you to panic & cause you to ruminate endlessly over the thought & your own character and sometimes your brain even finds evidence as to why you are a pedophile or murderer or whatever it is. You will not do what you are worried that your going to do honestly & you are not a pedophile!. Its not actually the thought its the ruminating over the thought that keeps you stuck in the loop, every single human being gets innapropriate thoughts but most people dont even recognise them or give them any notice.
Intrusive thoughts are a symptom of anxiety, once you get your anxiety under control the thoughts will slowly dissapear, it makes you feel crazy, it makes you feel like you are what you fear but it is just anxiety tricking you. The best way to deal with these thoughts is exposing yourself to them & the situations that trigger them and agreeing with the thoughts & i know how hard it is to agree with a repulsive thought but it really does work if you dont attach any meaning or anxiety to the thoughts. You will get better, you werent always like this so you wont always be like this.
Mck

[clc]

Hi chilli head. Sorry I haven't given you more advice. I have also been told you have to confront your thoughts you need to spend time by yourself and keep doing things you would usually do like spend time with children. Unfortunately one cute is to imagine it happening rather than push the thought away. I know for this kind of thought it is near impossible though! It's easier with harm thoughts. Seriously get yourself the book overcoming OCD it talks a lot about this kind of thought.

[sickandtired]

Hi Chilli
Im on Fluoxetine.....in my 8th week.....I started feeling better a few weeks ago.....so about 6 weeks x

[Wuboo]

That's right you're not a pedo, you just have irrational thoughts like everyone else. We don't want them but they just seem to come in waves, have you thought about meditation to clear the mind? I've found it quite useful.

I also agree that once you get your anxiety under control you're thoughts will start to return to normal.

[hallam11]

Hi again, if its ok I'd like to ask a quick question and it may be relevant to others. I have always been very uncomfortable around children.

Ever since I was about 10 really, my cousin was born and everytime she was near me she would cry, I remember all my family laughing saying she didn't like me and thats why she cried. one time they made me hold her and she was crying loads and then they left the room so I sat down on the floor with her and sat her on the floor in front of me, i didn't want to drop her but she rolled onto her front and began wailing and all my family ran in and was all saying "what have you done to her?" I was really upset and thought I had done something wrong and hurt her even though she was ok.

Ever since then I stayed away from babies, I was petrified of them. I was so scared that everytime there was a baby around I was so angry with the baby. My mum began childminding another baby and when I got home from school all he would do was cry. I wanted to go to sleep, i had a sleep problem and was always tired. So when he was sleeping I would pinch him so he was awake. Anyway so for quite a few years I hated babies because I was so scared of them. When my cousins were older I babysat and everything was ok, they weren't so scary even though they were devil children!

Anyway so my question is, I have always had issues with children but until just before my 18th Birthday I had never thought about hurting them physically or sexually. Could this be a reason why my intrusive thoughts are stuck on this particular subject?
Sorry if this is long but I just thought it would be easier to answer this if you knew a bit of background
xxx