panic and telling family

[rackel]

Hi

The other day I made a brave move and decided to tell my parents about my panic attacks and anxiety. I have told my mum before that i get panic attacks but i made out it was nothing much.
So this time i told them I have suffered from this for 7 years I am on med for it and I told them about one of my more (even more than usual) scary panic attacks I even told them i cant work because of it. (I get really worried people think im lazy because I dont work)
I kind of felt better after telling them it made me feel vunerable because they knew but better none the less.
My mum then told me that she used to get panic attacks as well.
My problem with telling them is they havnt mentioned it at all since that day! not even how are you, or how can we help. Now if I was the mum and my child told me this I would be v concerned and ask if I could help and generally support me! they both seem to be so wrapped up with their own lives that even if you make it blatently obvious you still dont get help
[V] This has relly hurt me because it was such a big step now I wish i never told them.
sorry im going on and on. blah blah blah
can someone help? does anyone feel the same?

[Meg]

Maybe your Mum got through hers by being silent and coping alone and thinks that is the best way forward for you too.

Perhaps if you actually asked her to do something with you alone and you asked her how she coped - then she might open up and talk about her experiences.




Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[rackel]

Hi meg
I find it so hard to speak to them anyway. I dont know. Its has mad me panicky knowing they know now. Aghh why do we get ourselves in to unnecessary situations.
rachel x

[Laurie28]

Rachel,

I told my mother when i was 'getting better' it turned out she has had alot of anxiety etc as well. She though was phonong me (drunk) and saying how it was all her fault etc etc. she ended up really annoying me and i wished i hadn't told her, I agree with meg your mother possibly didn't like talking about panic and assumes u won't either

Lucky

[diana]

Dear Rachel,

I am sorry that you are feeling a bit bad for exposing your disorder to your parents.

It should be a load off of your chest if nothing else. As it is`nt a "DARK" secret anymore.

You say your mum admitted she has suffered as well.

It could be, and I am just giving my opinion from a mums point of view. Not that it is right, but I think when our children expose something like this to us we are scared, uncertain as to how to react or what to do, and also probably feel a little guilty. As if we as a parent did`nt do something right, or did`nt provide the correct care or proper amount of attention that may have caused this disorder in our child/children.

Give your mum some time to sort things out, and realize that it is nothing personal against her and she may come around and ask questions or even offer to help in some way shape or form.

How long has it been since you opened up to them about this?

Try not to get discouraged dear. You did the right thing, if for nothing else to relieve yourself of carrying the "SECRET" around any longer. Which like I mentioned should be some relief to ya.

If a proper amount of time comes and goes and still there is no acknowledgement of what you told your parents. Then go to them and let them know you really need their support. That it would help you tremendously if they were to support you through your recovery stage.

If still there is no acknowledgement, then don`t get discouraged. Just know that you have done the right thing and we are always still here to help support you and advise you as best we can.

Just take comfort in knowing that atleast now regardless of how they acknowledge or disacknowledge this problem. You no longer need to hide it or feel ashamed. It is in the open and they can use this information to help you or just let you figure it out on your own.

In which case will be just fine too, because you have tons of friends and supporters here so no worriers dear.

Take care and best wishes to ya.

Diana xxxxx

[uryjm]

Rachel
It's a sad fact of life, but you just can't change people or make them do what you want to them to do! You can, however, tell them how you feel about things and you can change your responses to them. So (although I don't want to suggest this would be right for you) you could broach the subject again with your mum. Ask her for help and advice. Tell her how you are feeling about her silence over something that's important to you. Unless you change your approach, she's unlikely to change her response, and it might take more than one attempt to do this. As I think you're finding out! It seems you're starting to take control over the panic by admitting the true extent of how it's bothering you, so don't be too put down by an initial negative response. Keep trying. This could be the beginning of the way out for you.

Jim

[nomorepanic]

Rackel

My mum hardly talked/talks about my illness cos she says she doesn't know what to say.

She said that everytime she asked me how I was, I would say "oh bad", so she stopped asking.

She admits she can't cope with it and her way of dealing with it is to ignore it.

Maybe your mum is the same?

Nicola

[imported_n/a]

hi rachel,,i too have a problem telling my parents the thought of it i just cant bare,because they have never been very understanding parents or loving ,,i really do admire you for having the courage to tell yours have you a partner to support you??i havent which makes this very hard for me,,i have hidden my anxiety and p,a,s from my family for nearly 10 years and in a strange way i feel as thou i am keeping something from them as if they have a right to know ,,but still havent found the courage to tell them yet hhhmmmm,,,mum goes in hospital soon she will be in a week and i dont know if i can make it there due to my agraphobia,,so maybe its crunchtime for me because how do you tell your mum you cant visit her ????anyways i am sure things will get easier for you must be a weight off your mind,,good luck rachellxxdarrenxxx

[stimpy]

I guess I was lucky, I didn't have to tell my mum.
She saw the first panic attack I ever had, and the second and the third. And has since seen me in full screaming habdab mode twice more.

Luckly for me she handled them all brilliantly.
Gave me sips of water, dried my tears, and even put me to bed to sleep them off and talked to me until I was asleep.

My best friend, Richard on the other hand didn't handle my panic disorder at all well. I was frequently told that my "Attention seeking agrophobia" was doing nothing to prove my "point" - what ever my point was meant to be?
Week after week I was made to get in the car. I spent most of my time so smacked up on tranqs and convinced I was dying. That I was less than good company.
On the night of my 30th birthday, we were going for a meal. I never made it to the meal. Instead I was curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor screaming with pure fear. It was at that point he decided that it would be pointless for him to visit, as it was "a waste of a Saturday if we weren't going out" and so I didn't see him for 3 months.

I think telling someone you have difficulties, no matter how hard it is, is always the best thing to do. How they handle it, is up to them.
If you don't tell people what your problems are, then it gives them more to fire back at you. And they fire things that aren't true and that are really hurtful.
"You don't want to get a job because you are lazy and don't want to get out of bed!"
"You just don't want to go out, because you don't like the people we are going to meet."
"You haven't been to see your mum because you don't care ..."

Opening up and admiting your problems is the hardest thing to do, but at least once they are out in the open you don't have to hide anymore.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[Lilith]

Hi, Rackel. I was so touched by this sentence of yours - "I get really worried people think im lazy because I dont work." My family handled the news of my panic attacks very well, but I told a friend, (after spending weeks trying to get up my nerve) and her response was "OF COURSE you're having panic attacks! You never get out of the house! Maybe if you had a job..."

Well duh! The reason I don't get out of the house is because I have panic attacks! Some people just don't know how to handle news like this. Other people (like my friend) may take the opportunity to make themselves feel superior by blaming your problem on something you DO, that they are "smart enough" not to do. (SHE gets out and does things, I don't. Therefore, I cause my own panic attacks.)

Regarding your mother's reaction, maybe discussing panic makes her uncomfortable because she has suffered herself. I know that for me, talking about panic can bring on a panic attack.

Whatever their reaction, you've done the right thing by telling them. Stay strong and know that you are not alone.