Cant go back to work

[Ness]

Hi very new to this forum but it looks like its the best place to get good advice which is something i really need right now. Tommorow is my first day back at work since i had a huge panic attack and embarrassed myself, and i am really, really scared. I was meant to go to my other small job at a tutoring centre tonight, and i was that frightened that something might happen that i didnt go. As a result, I got very depressed and slept for 3 hours, even though i wasnt that tired. Just to avoid a conflict and to avoid disappointing my parents i told them that karen (the woman who runs the centre) cancelled on me. This made me feel even worse. My doctors suggested taking half a valium if im feeling tense, but i dont want to be taking this everyday i have to face work. I am so sick of hiding the way im feeling from my parents and those around me! I put on a happy face everyday even though a lot of the time i just want to break down and cry. I have to admit, the last couple of days have been better since being away from work but im just so afraid that tommorows going to throw everything into chaos. God, even my place of relaxation and release, the gym, is something i cant face. I dont want it to reach a stage where im unable to leave the house. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Piglet]

I think that the extra pressure of hiding how you are feeling from people is making this worse!!! I know this because this is something I have great trouble with too.

Half the battle is this pretending you are feeling ok when you are really not - hence the panic attacks. I don't know about you but I feel embaressed to say how I am suffering with this and as such not many people know I am fairly agoraphobic.

I am working on it big style at the mo and beginning to open up more and more as I realise my previous way hasn't got me very far.

I think I would be honest with your parents and say for some reason you have started with panic attacks and wonder if they could help you a bit with them. Then with work I would say the same there too.

It is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about and doesnt make you any less of a person - more it proves you are a brave person!!

Help and understanding from those around you will go an awful long way to helping you overcome your fear of panic.

Good luck hun.

Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Attsila]

Hey Ness,
Well we get to start our first day back to work together. I have been out of work for 3 weeks I had emergency surgery that has kept me out but since being out of work I have only had 1 major panic attack and I have been able to stay near my family and spend my time how I chose....Since last night I went from making advancement and improvement to being fearful and terrified about death and dying. I think it relates to the fact I go back to work tommorrow....I am scred too but I know the both of us can get through it together....YOu will be surprised at how supportive your co-workers will be. God bless you hon


worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

[Coni]

Hi Ness,

I agree with Piglet, it is a huge strain to hide how you feel all the time especially from those who are closest to you. I really think you should try speaking to your parents.

When I first went off work I told my kids I was on holiday (a very long one lol!) and I used to hide from everyone even my mum and pretend that I had been going to work as usual. When I finally opened up and was honest it was such a huge relief, like another pressure had been lifted.

Have you been honest with your doctor and told him how bad you've been feeling? It really is nothing to be ashamed of...I learned the hard way that fighting how you feel and pretending your ok just makes the road to recovery much harder and longer.

You really need the support and help of those around you right now, so maybe you should take a deep breath and have a chat with your parents.

Hopefully by the time you read this you'll have been to work and it'll have been not too bad, and you can feel proud that you faced your fear. I know how scary it is to go back, especially if thats where you began to feel panicky.

If not and you didnt make it in, well thats ok too. Be kind to yourself and dont beat yourself up about it. Maybe you just need a little more time, and to take things a little more slowly. When I first went off work I thought I would be back in a few days and when I didnt make it I was crushed.

Remember you have the support of everyone on here. Hope it goes well for you.

Take care

Coni X

[Ness]

Thankyou so much Coni, Attsila and Piglet I actually did manage to get to work today yay! my first day back, and amazingly nothing went wrong. I was tense beforehand but afterwards i realised there was nothing to be worried about lol. After reading everybody's advice i realise that i need to be a lot more open about how im feeling, especially with my doctor, because i know for a fact that there is a lot i have been hiding [:I] Hope your first day back at work went well Attsila

Love Ness xoxoxo

[Piglet]

Oh I am so pleased for you lovie - that's great, a big well done!!!

Love Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Coni]

Hi Ness,

I'm so glad your day went well. You should be so chuffed with yourself! Well done!

Coni X

[Attsila]

Hey There NESS! I am so glad for you.....My first day back to work went well too. I had a couple of twinges of what I like to call "coming to terms with my own mortality" when I started to fear and wanted to panic but I did rather well. You know something I did discover something today that made me almost embrace my anxiety and obsessive thoughts about dying. I thought I would share....Since I becan to show the symptoms of anxiety again and since I have spent alot of the past few months living in fear, I discovered today that so much of the office bickering that I would let get me bent out of shape and depressed, and all of the expectations of others that I thought I had to live up to, just don't matter anymore. Today I was shrugging off stuff that 3 months ago would get me in a frenzy and have me angry and screaming and cussing.....My attitude was, if it can't kill me then it is no big deal. If the boss doesn't like my work and wants to fire me because I refuse to work overtime, oh well it won't kill me, no big deal. It is funny how even with my moments of struggling today I almost wanted to thank god for what I had been through because all the petty stuff that stressed me out just doesn't matter anymore. It was funny, it was actually stressing out the co-workers that wanted to see me stressing.... Hopefully even with my death fearing moments still wanting to show up, that means I am well on my way to recovery. I am proud of you Ness....I think just like me your days will get better and better....take care and God Bless

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere