Day 15 - Overcoming Fear

[milkcarton]

Hi all,

Just a quick update on my progress on Floux. As the title suggests, I'm trying to overcome my biggest fear, getting on with my life in London. Today is the first morning I have woken up alone in London and it has terrified me. My bf is away to work and his mum is coming to visit me in a few hours which will be nice tomorrow will be my first day where I will be completely alone until he comes back from work.

This scenario, among others, was exactly what I feared when returning from home to here. I am a nervous wreck this morning, couldn't swallow my toast without drinking water and just had my meds. I hate being on my own here, I had a bad virus in January and suffered plenty of panic attacks on my own which has scared me now. I know I need to face these fears.

My main symptoms this morning is blurred vision waking up, feeling slightly shaky, weak and dizzy, scared, feelings of panic and not being able to cope. However, i do feel slightly different to before as I haven't broken out in a full panic, yet. I am hoping to keep it this way today

Milk
X

[sickandtired]

another week or so,and you should start feeling a difference.....the side effects will lessen
take care x

[LAURA48]

Hi Milk - you have done very well so far - remember it is only day 15 - I am on day 12/13? very bad day yesterday - just felt so low and anxious - not interested in anything! The mornings are horrid aren't they? but I remember from last time on Flux they do make you feel worse - and I had 15 good years on them - on this happens second time around. You have done very well - going down to London and feeling rubbish - you have made some progress without knowing it - huge milestone. Remember can always have a chat on here you are not alonge. Big hugs Laura x

---------- Post added at 10:19 ---------- Previous post was at 10:16 ----------

sorry about spelling - eyes are blurry!

[milkcarton]

Aw thanks laura for the encouraging words I am starting to find the mornings a bit more bearable than last week, feeling like I have made a bit of progress. I remember when I panicked before, I would hide under my duvet and let the feelings of giddiness and dizziness take over me. I did feel dizzy initially making breakfast today but afterwards I washed up and cleaned the kitchen and feeling a bit better for it

I know I still feel really nervous and panicky and I can feel the tablets very slightly kicking in but if I carry on making this progress then next week I should feel really good and maybe be able to get back to work again

Milk
X

[lizerie]

Hi Milk,
That's great you made it back to London! It's sounds like you're heading in the right direction and have a positive attitude about everything.

[milkcarton]

70% of the time I am positive and 30% I am a nervous wreck at the moment! The 30% is usually through the morning too!I had a massive wave of panic come over me when I was with my bf's Mum but didn't let on and was fine afterwards. It was like a heat rush along with dizziness and tingles for a few minutes. I ate out in a restaurant, felt dizzy to begin with, kept saying to myself that it was panic and got through it okay! I am happy to be on the right track but know I have a long way to go yet!

[LAURA48]

Hi Milk - I also had a bad day! very tearful - took my mum to our local garden centre (to buy some Yankee candles) got back to the car and was crying non stop! felt agitated too - my mood/thoughts seem all over the place and I too get that hot, tingly feeling - strange sensation, but you did very well to go out with your b/f's mum - you will get there - no we both will get there - it just doesn't happen overnight! I feel safest in bed but know this is not a good idea in the daytime! so try and keep busy have a westie pup - who wants to play all the time - lol - my husband has the week off - so that helps. Lot of hugs to you - Laura x ps hope we have a better morning!

[milkcarton]

Hi Laura! Hang on in there we will overcome these feelings! I'm having a bad episode at the moment, my legs feel as if they are going to shake loads, they feel all twitchy! Just feel a bit on edge tonight but know it's my panic and my own thoughts. Hopefully within the next few weeks we will feel like new women! I can't wait to feel happier, at the moment I'm up and down like a yo-yo. Nervous about tomorrow morning and being on my own all day, not sure if I feel comfortable leaving the flat on my own, might set a task to walk around the block or sit in the pub next door for a drink (non alcoholic of coarse)!

Milk x

---------- Post added at 18:49 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------

Also I've lowered my Propranolol dose and my heart feels jittery :( feeling a bit more energetic though

[LAURA48]

Hi Milk - oh I hope and pray we will be like new women. Having a bad day today - panicking, horrible thoughts (out of control), shaky, feeling sick - I am afraid I have succumbed to a lorazepam - just don't know what to do with myself! Cannot stop crying - this is day 12 - I know this is normal?? but gosh frightening - you have done well though to go back to London - very brave - take care - thinking of yu - Laura x

---------- Post added at 13:39 ---------- Previous post was at 13:34 ----------

Yes - have a walk around the block - my westie needs a walk - you could take her! I think when you feel like this you frighten yourself about tomorrow, next week, how long have I been like this - seeing the doctor again - need another sick note, etc, what ifs - all the time - my husband is at home this week but doesn't really understand, bless him - luckily my mum is in the same village but don't like to keep worrying her - just nice to have this site to have a chat x

[milkcarton]

It is nice to have this chat, our loved ones will never truly understand what we are going through though. I was a nervous wreck this morning, lied on in bed until 11am and then dragged myself to the sofa up until 2pm. Had a shower, did some cleaning and feeling a bit brighter this afternoon

Those feelings will pass, I was really bad from days 8-13 but I am starting to feel a bit more stronger each day. Haven't gone out for a walk on my own yet, might go shortly to walk around the block, I've told my bf that we will go to the pub tonight, so I have set that as a challenge.

Spoken to the Dr on the phone today and he would like to see me next Wednesday. The only symptoms I have this afternoon is a headache :( I can't seem to shift the dull ache in my head.
Hang on in there Laura, I'm on day 16 and it's starting to work, at least I haven't been crying on my own today (I would have done this pre Floux).

Milk x