Feel worse after trying exposure response!!

[Scared_11]

So I read that exposure response therapy is effective for harm OCD.

My OCD is all a fear I will harm myself. I am scared I will lose control and want to kill myself. I am starting to feel anxious in the morning times when I am alone in the house! I try to push the thoughts away.

So this morning I decided to try exposure response. I was alone in the house and do I started to imagine all the horrible things I fear, like hanging myself, taking pills etc. I was aware that it would make me anxious that's the point of ERT and you are supposed to carry on with the thoughts until the anxiety fades. The thoughts I were having we're truly horrible and I couldn't wait to get out the house.

Now I feel worse. I feel so much more anxious than I did to start. I am getting a little bit better as the time is going on but on ever want to try exposure response again.

Had anyone tried it and felt worse?

[PanchoGoz]

I would try actually real life exposure for a fear like this.
Grab a knife, study it, do some stabbing actions with it. Pretend to cut yourself, you will see you can't lose control as you are always in charge. Rather than just letting the thoughts overwhelm you. Although I don't want to undermine your therapist, I just think it's better to prove to yourself you will not do any harm.

[Social in Sydney]

Scared 11 that sounds aweful. All I can say is I used to be haunted by a fear of harming my kids. When my wife went overseas for a week recently I was terrified something might happen. The first night I sat on the lounge watching TV and just accepted they're only thoughts, not actions. And thoughts come and go, the more just accepted them as bizarre and frightening thoughts but not "me" the less scared I was of them and the less power they had. Everyone survived the week and I really don't believe I'll be troubled by them again. And if they do come back I'll treat them the same way. I hope this helps. It is truly terrifying but I really think they're just thoughts and the more you fear them the worse it gets. With your doctors permission I recommend you confront them and enjoy the freedom of being without them. You've got a brilliant life to go and live. All the best.

[Scared_11]

Thanks for the advise guys.

It's so scary to do. I have had these thoughts for nearly a year now bad have had times were I can just accept them as thoughts and just a fear.

The thoughts I am scared of now are thoughts like 'can't can't cope with anxiety' 'I might want to die'. Theae thoyghts come into my head because i fear becoming suicidal and so i start to think the things that i inagine suicidal people will feel. I am not suicidal. I am terrified of dying. I fear that I will eventually become suicidal becaus I suffer anxiety. I don't know how to do exposure response with these particular thoughts. I just want to be free from these thoughts again and accept then as just horrible worries an not something that is actually going to happen.

[PanchoGoz]

With obsessional thoughts onmy CBT programme, we keep a thought diary - note down date, time, situation, how you felt before the thought, how it made you feel physically, briefly what the thought was (obvs), and then you reason why you are having the thought (your course will have tought you that obsessional thoghts are caused by the panic cycle and that it is only your mind trying to protect you and the fear caused is only the fear and importance you attach to them, not the actual thoguht bla bla bla) for example. Writing it down like this helps to get it out of your head and normalise the thoughts, making them less subjective. On paper, you can see them as just thoughts. Or simply write thought, write feeling and emotions about thought write the purple part.

I myself am at a stage where I still have the thoughts I fear, but they do not dominate my life andymore, they are just in the background, and I know that eventually my mind will get bored of them as the fear subsides.

Give that a go and see if you feel any better my love

[Scared_11]

Thanks a lot for that advise I think I will give it a try.

I have tried the challenging the thoughts thing. I have wrote down by thoughts and challenged them by writing evidence for and evidence against. I don't find that this works though for me but I will try what you have said and see if that's any different.

I think it's key to not let the thoughts effect your day today life. I dot realy stop doing anything but I do still feel scared by the thoughts.

[hallam11]

Hi,

Just wanted to let you know that I think after the first few attempts at exposure therapy are supposed to be really dreadful and hard because you are facing your fears head on meaning that you will feel anxious to high heavens. Don't be too downhearted - are you seeing a therapist or counsellor because it can be easier to have professional help whilst going through exposure therapy.
I think the main thing to think about though is those who want to take their lives (sorry if this makes you anxious) don't get worried that they are thinking about it they simply believe that's what they are going to do - the fact that you have had these thoughts but not acted on them mean that they are an intrusive thought.
Take care x

[Scared_11]

Yes I imagined it would be quite scary but was a lot worse than I thought. My thoughts are not like the violent urges to harm myself. They started off like this but now they are 'do I want to die?' I am never going to get better? I know that I don't want to die and I know there are ways to get better but I think sometimes 'am I going to give up?' these are intrusive thoughts I know that because deep deep down its not what I believe and I have a lot to live for and I know that.

I suppose I am just scared of putting myself into a totally different frame of mind. OCD is a form of checking you are protection urself enough from ur biggest fear. Mine being death.

I have finished my councilling last year so just trying to remember everything but finding that hard!