SOCD

[icanttakethis]

I feel like I am going crazy and I am developing schizophrenia I can’t tell anyone about this and I feel so trapped. I feel like if I go doctors and they might diagnose me with it then I won’t be able to handle it. I just want to live a normal life. I checked symptoms of it and I didn’t think I had them at first but now my thoughts are telling me that I do and even though I know that I don’t it causes ruminating on my thoughts convincing myself that I do have it and feels like I’m closer to insanity day by day. Last night I took some nytol pills and today I have woken up feeling very groggy and in a panic state of mind all day as when I was going to sleep last night my mind was going out of control. By this I mean when I was going to sleep I just came up with the most random thoughts and images in my head that you could ever imagine. One minute I could vision myself playing football the next it was something completely different, this led me to believe that I definitely do have it. I am 17 years old and I tried cannabis (way ahead of you telling me never to try it again) I did this about a week ago. I read that schizophrenia happens in early adulthood and now I think that it is defineitely what I have and as much as I try to forget about it I can’t and it’s driving me insane. So many questions like... Can you develop schizophrenia by thinking about it all the time? Do I seriously have it and am I going insane? What will people think about me if I have developed it? Why can’t I tell people about it? I have had intrusive thoughts as well about harming others but have never and won’t ever act out on them, they drive me insane as well. I think I may have ocd because when I was younger I did have intrusive thoughts and when I was about 13 I do remember question myself if I was gay or not but I do not fear that anymore, its mainly the schizophrenia. I can’t properly anymore and when I do I like throw up in my mouth, can’t sleep because as soon as I shut my eyes these day dreams appear and drive me completely insane. I read other peoples stories and can relate and look at the comments but that only helps for a while and I find myself back on the internet trying to find out what’s wrong with me, why am I so anxious, I have a racing heart and like a tight feeling in my chest. I know I have all the symptoms for anxiety but I still believe I have schizophrenia and don’t feel comfortable telling anyone about it.

[Stormsky]

I dont think you have schizophrenia... but your constant thoughts of it and fear of it,is convincing yourself you have it.
do you hear voices?
many illnesses have the same symptons... thats why GOOGLE is so dangerous!!
your symptons sound like OCD and anxiety.... intrusive thoughts, fears, ive had them all...even convince myself once that i might have that fatal insomnia, where you die from never sleeping.....
you cant make yourself schizophrenic , you cant think your way to being it...
You just need to calm down, and tell yourself YOU DONT have it...
have you been to gp ?

[icanttakethis]

I dont hear voices but im always constantly checking, like if i think i hear something im asking if they did, and they say yeah they did every time but it still freaks me out. Sometimes its like my minds trying to make me hear voices but i never do. Sometimes i can dismiss it saying i dont have it but other times i get panic attacks and feel im so close to the edge. Yeah ive always been an anxious sleeper. I went to the gp but didnt tell him about this, only that i was really anxious because i dont want people thinking im a freak and ive known this doctor all my life. The thing that bugs me is although ive had intrusive thoughts but not for this long or this intense. I dont know what to do.

[Stormsky]

Sometimes reading threads on here makes me wonder , do i have that?? and i did start to listen out for voices too... but i dont hear them.... so i let it go and stopped trying to look for them!

like if i think i hear something im asking if they did, and they say yeah they did every time
not sure what you mean?

[icanttakethis]

Like if I her someone calling my name like my mum... Ill ask my brothers if she called me and they'll say yeah she did. Is bad memory and lack of concetration a symptom of anxiety aswell and does everyone else feel that and when lost in thoughts don't feel like talking?

[Stormsky]

Ok thats what i thought you prob meant....
Anx causes definately lack of concentration/ crap memory and yes your always thinking...spending too much time in your head, and not enough time in the real world!
you need to get out and distract yourself from too much thinking...im the same, spend all my time alone, thinking...even though my hubby is in house, i will be upstairs all day and night, doing my own thing..... but make some small changes and you start to make big differences... so do something different today!

[icanttakethis]

Yeah I know what you mean, its just I read stories about schitzophrenia such as they get paranoid people are listening to their thoughts, I'm starting to think about that now and its horrid, wouldn't wish this on my enemy! How do I block these thouughts out for now?

[Stormsky]

You cant block thoughts, the more you try to block or fight them, the more they come... you have to let them come, and see them for what they are, JUST THOUGHTS... dont fear them, dont give them importance, thats what keeps them coming back... let the thought in, just say , 'im bored of you now, i not interested, its just my anxiety nothing more' and then go distract yourself by doing something... the less importance you give the thoughts, they will soon start to fade away.... i dont get mine anymore, because they dont scare me anymore...

[RB263]

The fact that you are worrying so much over the fact you think you are schizophrenic makes me think that this is more of an anxiety/OCD issue.
Schizophrenia does tend to begin after experimentation with alcohol/drugs.
Does it run in your family? Does any mental illness run in your family?
There's no way anyone on here can diagnose you, but I'm here to ease your thoughts. I don't think you're schizophrenic. I think you have anxiety/OCD.
I can totally relate to you too. I thought I was dying of some heart disease and would constantly google symptoms and then basically convince myself I was having chest pains, palpitations, etc.
Just give it time. You will eventually relax a little. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things and stay off google and WebMD! It just adds fuel to the fire.

[icanttakethis]

My fear for schizophrenia has gone after i realized i had nothing to be afraid off and that if i was i could get all the help i needed. I moved onto a different theme which is FARRR worse and feel like i would go back to SOCD any day of the week, although if i had SOCD i would probably want to change themes. I had no history of schizophrenia and really i had just done too much research but the thoughts i had have subsided and hopefully for good! Thank you for all your advice