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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
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    640

    Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    Do you think if you had someone in your life who accepted you completely and utterly, anxiety and panic and faults and all, and still loved you dearly, it would help you?

    I don't feel accepted unconditionally by anyone (there are few people in my life anyway). My close family of course accept various parts of me (most parts probably) but since I lost my mum five years ago I don't have anyone I feel accepts me for every part of me. I think that may be my problem (it was when my mum was sick with cancer that I started having panic attacks).

    I am also super self-critical, and always have been. When I've had girlfriends who loved me dearly I think I couldn't accept their love properly because I am always unhappy with myself - how can someone care so much for me when I do not like so many aspects of myself (my weakness, my sensitivity, my lack of confidence and fighting spirit, and more!)?

    I've been very depressed recently, so sorry if this thread reads as self-pity. It probably is. I would just like to be happy and comfortable, and to have something to look forward to in the future, but I really feel that I will never have that again...it's been so long (maybe ten years).

    I don't want this thread to be about me and my situation. I'd like to hear any thoughts you have about acceptance of the weakness of others, unconditional love, and self-acceptance despite the faults you see so clearly within yourself.

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
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    1,746

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    Sorry you are feelin bad at the moment. Try to take life just one day at a time, none of us know what tomorrow will bring.

    My partner is my rock, loves me 'warts n all' and has been so supportive over the past few years with my anx/panic/agoraphobia etc. I really don't know how he puts up with me sometimes, but he does and that is such a big help to me. He and I have both come to accept the way things are and our relationship has evolved despite my condition and lack of confidence.

    I don't think we can ever accept every part of eachother, we all have faults, we just have to learn to accept them, put up with them or surpress them.

    That special person will come for you one day, maybe when you least expect it, but for now, don't put yourself down, your family and friends love you so brush yourself off and hold your head high x

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    169

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    My boyfriend has been my rock from day one with this. When I first met him u didn't tell him about anxiety as u hadn't suffered it for some time but the pat 12 months have been realy hard for me and he has been brilliant. He doesn't understand how I think atall because he is the opposite but he tries us best and has always been there for me. I tell him every thought that I worry about.

    However, I struggle so much to accept that this is me. Basically because I don't want it to be. I don't want a life with anxiety OCD and depression. I know no1 does tho.

    Today has been particualilly bad for me and I have told my boyfriend everything, all the stuff I have been through before. He ha been with me all day and even dropped plans he had with friends. I feel bad about this. He has got very frustrated with me today and I can see in his eyes how much I have affected him today by being so depressed. He has just gone the gym for an hour to relax himself. This is the first time I have ever known him to get mad at me for anything and although he won't say it I know he is angry with me today. Totally understandable, I have been so depressed today.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    193

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    depressoin is a lifelong battle, not a mood

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    1,837

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    You probably couldnt accept girlfriends love because you dont love yourself, and feel you dont deserve to be loved..... so you need to STOP that !
    They obviously see things in you that you dont right now thats all... people that suffer anx are usually sensitive gentle natured people... thats a trait to be loved surely?? If someone loves you, you should just accept that they do! and be thankful !
    My hubby is an angel... wouldnt know where id be without him... i am truly blessed to have him... and like to think he is blessed to have me!! ha ha
    __________________
    .....when all is said and done and we come to the end of our lifes journey, posessions will have no meaning, and the only important questions will be 'was i loved and did i love enough?'.....

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    113

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    So sorry you have had a rough time recently

    I often ask myself the same thing as I don't feel I have ever had this. It may help if they understood as it would cause less arguments and would make me feel understood but I agree with Stormysky's comments - I don't accept anyone's love because in the end my insecurities and anxities override and consume everything. I think we have to learn to love ourselves before we can accept the love of others - easier said than done xx
    Last edited by K1rsty; 18-02-12 at 20:44.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    1,140

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    I don't have anyone other than my parents and siblings, I'm fine with who I am as a person but the anxiety is killing me, I don't know how much longer I can take.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    640

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    This thread HONESTLY wasn't meant to be about me. I am sick of 'me'! I really want to know if people have someone who loves them, faults, anxiety and all unconditionally, and if they don't do they think it would help them!

    But:

    Quote Originally Posted by Stormsky View Post
    You probably couldnt accept girlfriends love because you dont love yourself, and feel you dont deserve to be loved..... so you need to STOP that !
    They obviously see things in you that you dont right now thats all... people that suffer anx are usually sensitive gentle natured people... thats a trait to be loved surely?? If someone loves you, you should just accept that they do! and be thankful !
    The bit I put in bold - well the first bit I already know, I wrote it in my post! The second bit ('you need to STOP that!') I understand too, but isn't it easier said than done? If it's not, please tell me how to do it!!

    I think I think too deeply. I analyse everything, but I can't stop it, it's the way my brain works. How can I accept the love that someone offers me when they tell me I am perfect or wonderful, when I feel and know my own faults so keenly that they keep me up at night?

    Quote Originally Posted by K1rsty View Post
    I think we have to learn to love ourselves before we can accept the love of others - easier said than done xx
    I think you're absolutely right mate.

    Quote Originally Posted by theharvestmouse View Post
    I don't have anyone other than my parents and siblings, I'm fine with who I am as a person but the anxiety is killing me, I don't know how much longer I can take.
    Hang in there please my friend, it doesn't last forever and your family obviously love you so much, and need you

    Sorry for those I haven't replied to - I'll do it tomorrow, I only have a brief few minutes online now. I really appreciate all your comments.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    903

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    hello eightdaysaweek
    you are so not being selfish asking this question and I do realise it is not about you per se but a general ponder .
    This illness we all share is a lonely one I think, no matter how accepted we are by loved ones . They make huge effort and love us, but it is without real knowledge and thank goodness so . I sense irritability and badly hidden frustration by my own family all the time bless em .............
    Unconditional love ? again it is in the interest of the species that we have mutual needs met and looked out for . Even our beloved dogs first sought out man in the long distant past, for the warmth of the fire and the scraps he was fed ...in return man was protected .
    So no I dont believe in unconditional love . You and I and everyone here have something very special to offer another person who will also have their demons and we will find it hard to understand them sometimes also. But it is mutual support and love . YOU WILL find the one .

    You are so worth loving . The one thing we all share here is being sensitive to others and huge empathy for suffering ...kindness and sharing .
    Damn it in todays could not care less world ......you mate are a diamond .
    So now look in the mirror and see yourself as someone unique and very very valuable .

    Love may be conditional [just my take on it ] ........but not in the way you read it .

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    1,837

    Re: Acceptance and love (and self-acceptance)

    Quote Originally Posted by eight days a week View Post


    The second bit ('you need to STOP that!') I understand too, but isn't it easier said than done? If it's not, please tell me how to do it!!.
    Years ago i had a boyfriend who was always compliamentry to me, always telling me how wonderful i was, etc etc... i never accepted it, because of my low self esteem of myself...and i guess didnt believe it.... he taught me to accept compliaments, he meant them, he saw things in me that i didnt.. (or didnt want to see for some reason)... what i am saying here is , that these girlfriends werent making it up, they werent saying these things just to make you feel good... if they see things in you, then its time you try accepting they may be true... that there are plenty of good things to see... not everyone out there is lying to you! so STOP IT means just that. and start appreciating the good in you and the good they see in you...
    everyone knows the sayiing...you can receive 10 compliaments and 1 insult, and the only thing you remember is the insult... time to start concentrating on the compliaments !!!!
    __________________
    .....when all is said and done and we come to the end of our lifes journey, posessions will have no meaning, and the only important questions will be 'was i loved and did i love enough?'.....

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