I am at my lowest ebb need support.

[capricorn234]

I am in a very dark place again after doing so well. I recently posted about meeting someone and despite worries it was so good. I have ruined it and is now over. I sent insecure messages, he went cold. Yesterday I sent a text saying I was sorry and explaining saying it was okay if we didn't meet again I understood but it would be good to stay in touch, because I felt I had driven him away, said I was sorry if I was insecure etc..I heard nothing. I woke up about 4am crying and not coping with this feeling of rejection and sadness and did something I regret. I sent a message in despreation saying my ex husband had died, I couldn't sleep. My ex husband has died but not recently, I was desperate just for an acknowledgement from him to respond not just ignore me like this. Not heard anything, must never contact again. I feel so sick. Why did I do this, I ruin so much with these problems, don't want to face the day. I was happy alone I had shut down working on myself and the anxiety issues, keeping busy and getting somewhere in life I never intended to get so keen, now I have come across like some mad woman. It hurts so much that he has blanked me, I really thought he liked me. I don't want to go on like this but know I have to keep going. I feel torn inside.

[Abarth]

Hello you. This is a difficult situation for you and I don't profess to be an expert. First and foremost though, i'm sorry for your sadness, I hear you and you will get through. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I get the sense that regardless of the value you may have placed in the relationship, you are now stuck with the over-riding compulsion to incite a response from this person. To be honest, you have probably said as much as you can. He has your messages and he either will or will not reply, which is a little beyond your control. You have choices as does he. You are not required to explain yourself further and at this point further explanation is unlikely to influence the outcome. As you say, you have been happy on you own, so if that's what needs to happen for a short while, then so be it. Just learn from this for the future. Who knows, he may contact you once the emotion had died down and if not, The right person could be just around the corner. Hang in there, it will be ok.
Ant

[paula lynne]

Im sure the right person is out there somewhere. The previous post is eloquent and honest, and I totally agree with everything said. You sound like your self-esteem needs a boost, how about taking your mind off him and arranging to go for a meal/cinema/join a club?
Obsessing over this will not affect his decision. It hurts, I know, but youve said all you can, and need to let it go now. Dont undo all your hard work with your anxiety, get back to a place where you are independant and self-reliant, keeping busy is good. Ive said things in desperation just to be with someone, but you cant force a person to want to be with you. He wasnt right for you. Someone out there is though. Spend time on yourself now, and take care. x
Paula x

[Pipkin]

Hi there,

Your post really brought back some harsh memories of an incident in my life about 10 years ago. I did something not dissimilar to you and landed myself in a right mess. These things are always 2 sided though and please don't put all the blame on yourself.

Needless to say, everything written by the above posters is true. Our anxiety makes us do things which we know aren't logical but we do them anyway, almost forecasting the outcome before it happens. I looked back on your thread from a few days ago and you did exactly that. We can be our own worst enemy sometimes.

Hang in there - things will get better and, when you're ready, you'll meet someone perfect when you least expect it. You've clearly got so much to give and it takes a special person to be able to give back.

No matter whether you think you scared him away, the fact is that he wasn't ready/ able to appreciate you but there are plenty of people who will.

Look after yourself

Pip x

[capricorn234]

Thankyou everyone. I have actually heard back now but I realise that I have a lot of work to do on myself and this chronic anxiety and insecurity. I am just going to stay friends with him because I know I am not in the right place to be in any relationship with these issues. I did apologise to him and he told me not to and that he didn't think any less of me and understood which was a help. However I still know I cannot get involved, this is another wake up call. I honestly thought I had learnt lessons from the past. I am going to do nice things for myself have the rest of the week planned out, seeing my son today and friends end of week, keeping busy and got an appointment for volunteering. Thankyou everyone for your support it means a lot

[Abarth]

Hey, that's great that he replied. Sounds like a decent man on the strength of what you have said. Of course, you need to be careful and take it slow but don't artificially deprive or punish yourself. If you are not ready, then you have to trust yourself. However, don't fall into the trap of wrongly second guessing what others are thinking. Let them decide; who knows where it might take you.
All the best and good luck.
Ant

[capricorn234]

Thankyou Ant I really appreciate your kind words. I am just going to try very hard to practive letting go and self acceptance as best I can, do my writing.

[Pipkin]

Hi Capricorn,

You've really hit the nail on the head and your approach is spot on. One day at a time is the way to go and enjoy your new friendship. I'm sure he'll get as much out of it as you, if not more.

Take care and keep in touch

Pip x