So, my supposed 'trained cognitive behavioral therapist' had me start working full time in summer 2011. I was working from 5:00am to around 3:00pm depending on the day, every day (subtract the occasional sunday or saturday). He advised that this would be good and after a while of working, my panic attacks and partial agoraphobia would simply go away.
I was taking up to 10mg lorazepam each day every day and was on the verge of addiction after a few weeks.
I was working with stock and was supposed to operate machinery but on these nearly inebriating doses of benzodiazepines, I was not comfortable doing this. They threatened to fire me if I did not stop taking my medication and so I did. Quickly I was having 2-3 panic attacks a day at work and would lose consciousness on the job, vomit, etc.
It came to the point that I would have to sneak a few milligrams of medication when I knew I'd be able to and even found myself taking morphine when I had nothing else to take.
I had to quit this job for fear of addiction and fear of not being medicated in this environment.
Since then, I've been terrified of working, I've been in and out of severe periods of house-bound agoraphobia.

It is now a number of months later and I am no longer seeing a therapist/psychiatrist because in my time, they have caused such problems for me.
I have started working one day a week, 5 hours a day for my own reasons, not because people tell me to. I am still very afraid of working although I have been at this job for two months perhaps now. I am taking 100mg dimenhydrinate in conjunction with 4-5mg lorazepam and multiple glasses of fresh grapefruit juice to medicate during work and am allowed to do so.
The problem here is that I get 30mg lorazepam in 1mg SL tablets per month and this would be totally fine if my mother didn't have this amazing talent of being the catalyst to a good percentage of my panic attacks and probably 99% of my at home attacks. So 4 times or so a week, I take 2-3mg lorazepam to medicate this or a shot of dinitrogen monoxide to combat the debilitating rush of epinephrine.
In combination with the desire to preform a recreational activity once every now and again such as seeing a movie or playing billiards, I have been falling short of medication every now and again which leads to the current situation.

It is now Monday. It has been 27 days since my last prescription fill which isn't extremely awful; however, my doctor has not been in and I am unable to get a prescription set up today which makes it almost impossible to get an appointment tomorrow which is when I will need the prescription.
The way I see it, unless I can ,illegally or legally, get at least 3mg lorazepam by 2:00pm on Wednesday, I will have to go to work unmedicated which is a terrifying thought that causes attacks on its own.
I could mix up an illicit morphine-snuff or a licit Kanna snuff or something but this would of course take a bit of time, time that I do not have at this point.
I am very afraid of the next few days and would appreciate some kind of moral support to help me keep my thoughts as positive as possible.

I would like to add that I am also currently making an attempt to quit smoking tobacco (and have switched over to a nasal snuff tobacco) which is causing sensitivity to my nervous system on its own; I am also decreasing my daily dosage of dimenhydrinate/diphenhydramine which causes further issue. It makes me angry with myself that I have studied so much pharmacology for school over the past five years and know pharmacokinetics and biochemistry enough that I know exactly what is going on with my central nervous system but have in the past year been unable to do anything about it, save external chemical influences.
I just wish I could depress my CNS enough to not have such increases in the neurotransmitters that cause the problems.