Strangers are better than possible new friends?

[jca]

I work in the hospitality industry. I talk to strangers (and regulars that I know well) all day everyday at work. I am so good at my job. I connect with 99.9 percent of the guests I deal with. I can chat so freely and easily with them.

BUT put me in a social setting and I cannot say a word.

The way I interact with the guests at work affects my pay and my job. Is that why I am so good at it?

Do I lack care of my social well being?

[vicky23]

Perhaps it's because in a social setting there's a sense of vulnerability in entering into a frienship that may require more of you than just superficial talk about the weather etc that you can get away with when talking to your guests.
When talking to your guests there are boundries in that you know there'll never be conversations of a nature that require you to reveal the deeper parts of your self.
Just some thoughts I don't know if any of this rings true for you

[jca]

Vicky, yes! When I read that I literally said "yes" out loud. That makes perfect sense. I never think about things wholly or from the many different angles that are always possible. Thanks for sharing and pointing it out to me like that. =)

[Laylora]

jca, I'm the same. A lot of the time I can talk to strangers freely, but the moment there is the pressure of a possible relationship I clam up. I think it really confuses people because if I meet someone and act normal, and suddenly I'm in a situation were we have to go beyond an initial meeting then I'll quickly withdraw. It's like a clam snapping shut in response to a threat. It' very frustrating and confusing.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who does this, it's an odd one isn't it?

[littleredhen]

ding dong - a big ringing sound of recognition here too.

I'm the same. For years I have been the hostess with the mostest and I am a great party planner and organiser. I used to organise corporate events and i love entertaining. But the reason I do that is because it keeps me busy and I don't actually ahve to talk or interact with anyone. If I'm busy doing the organising or the cooking, then I can SEEM like I am attending the party, without having to actually personally interact with anyone. I have lost count of the number of corporate/company events where I have done all the planning and arranging, but an hour or so into the evening, once everything is underway, I am alone in my hotel room sobbing my heart out and feeling absolutely wretched.

For me, I think it's a self esteem problem and fear of being rejected.

[jca]

It is an odd one, Laylora. A weird thing happened the other day... I was at a local shopping center when a regular guest saw me and approached to say hello. It was like a trigger; my hotel self automatically came out and shined. When the guest walked away, my friend was making an awful face and said "you really know how to fake it".

That hurt my feelings. I never fake it with my guests. At least I don't feel like I'm faking it. (I always feel nervous, anxious and afraid to be myself around friends and my boyfriend, and my family). I feel like I am more myself at work and more hidden when I am anywhere else. It is certainly the boundaries thing, and the vulnerability like vicky23 mentioned. AND the fear of rejection like littleredhen mentions.

[Wanttofeelbetter]

I am like this in that at work with my patients I am chatty and confident, but with few good friends I am constantly worrying that I annoy/bore them. I would never arrange anything such as a birthday party for myself as I worry noone will turn up. I worry a lot about getting married, my partner says he doesn't want a wedding abroad, but how the hell will I fill a church/evening do!? Plus everyone will look at me.