Harm OCD- advice please!!

[Scared_11]

Hi everyone.

Been having quite a hard time the past 2 weeks after hearing of a suicide in the news. My suicidal OCD came back with avengence. Leading me to call the Samaritans and go to A & E to 'check' if I was suicidal as these intrusive thoughts were just constant. I am not in the emotional state that I was last week but the thoughts are still constant.

In the past these thoughts have caused me huge upset and fear but the past 2 days I havnt felt the anxiousness I normally do with these thoughts. In a sense this has me searching for reassurance as I am worried that I am warming to the idea of killing myself. Almost like I am going to eventually talk myself into it.

I have never felt suicidal in my life and I love my family so much and I don't want this to happen. How do I know my actions won't listen to my 'OCD' thoughts?

I have started taking Sertraline 6 days ago and felt sick at first but the past 2 days have felt realy calm and this is worrying me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Mountainclimber]

Take your time, and dont panic or worry about the thought, as soon as the thought enters your head except it, then tell it to go away, its only a thought. and think of something nice. be positive .Good Luck

[hallam11]

Oh Scared - I am sorry that you have been having a rough time. Firstly I am guessing that both the Samaritans and A & E thought there wasn't a threat as they would have done something.

What you are saying about your anxiety levels haven't peaked whilst having the thoughts in the past few days is normal. Firstly anti-depressants can numb you anxiety feelings so not feeling as anxious is a normal reaction to the tablets - but even if you weren't taking the tablets and you weren't feeling as anxious isn't a "sign" that you are accepting the thoughts and will act on them. It's just that you are so used to dealing with these thoughts that you anxiety levels don't necessarily need to jump as high as they once did.

I have been round and round with my own obsessional thoughts in the same exact way....why am I thinking this if I don't want to act on it? Or I didn't feel as scared or as anxious that time does that mean I am accepting that it is me and not the ocd and I will act on it? Sound familiar? It's just the devil that is OCD my love.
Take peace in that because you are so worried and write on here means that you won't act on it because in order to commit suicide you need the intent and you don't have it. You just have thoughts...that's all.
Take care xxx

[Scared_11]

Thank u for ur advice. Deep down I suppose I know it's OCD but it feels so real sometimes. I know I have heard others say that too. The thoughts are the worst when I am alone in the house or alone in work. I always knew I would never act on these thoughts but my thoughts have latched on to almost everything I can think of and I don't feel so convinced anymore.

I just want to not be thinking like this. I want to be happy again and love my life.

After reading ur response of 'in order to commit suicide u have to have intent' and my thoughts are 'maybe I have got the intent' this is hell!!

[hallam11]

Yeah I know just how that is - feeling as though it is real . I have felt that alot and I think that's normal for you to feel.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you think more obsessive thoughts - that is again usual/ When I first started having these thoughts when people said "if you were really wanting to do this then you would be out there doing it" but then I started to think well what if I haven't had the chance or blah blah blah. Please don't dwell on this - I don't believe you have the intent at all.
x

[Scared_11]

No deep down I don't believe I have the intent either. This OCD is just throwing everything at me, every possible scenario, every possible thought that could mean I am going to do it. I am just fighting them off at the moment and hoping this will run out of steam soon enough.

It's he'll isn't it?! I know it's normal to feel real otherwise it wouldn't worry us.

I am just trying to wait patiently for a psychiatric assessment an then hopefully get the right treatment.

Do u take any meds? I have been on them a week now and don't feel anxious atall just a general low mood. I know I have to give them time to start working properly.

---------- Post added at 11:57 ---------- Previous post was at 11:49 ----------

No deep down I don't believe I have the intent either. This OCD is just throwing everything at me, every possible scenario, every possible thought that could mean I am going to do it. I am just fighting them off at the moment and hoping this will run out of steam soon enough.

It's he'll isn't it?! I know it's normal to feel real otherwise it wouldn't worry us.

I am just trying to wait patiently for a psychiatric assessment an then hopefully get the right treatment.

Do u take any meds? I have been on them a week now and don't feel anxious atall just a general low mood. I know I have to give them time to start working properly.

[clc]

Hi scared. I was/am the same the anxiety has reduced to a minimal which makes you worry you actually want it! I went nearly all of yesterday without the thought. I even went on a tube by myself and you know that was something I feared most. Guess what I didnt suddenly persuade myself to jump in front of it. Just remember what you told me and carry on as normal. Hopefully if the anxiety is calming down it will be easier to concentrate on therapy. Im actually going to see if I can get my dose upped a lil bit just to see if it can help my low mood (which was nowhere near as bad as before). Hugs x