hi guys. so i thought i'd introduce myself and talk about my history a bit since i've been on here for a while and not really done so yet.
I was diagnosed about 10 months ago with OCD, BDD, clinical depression and anxiety. i also suffer from dermatillomania as a combination of the OCD and BDD.
a few people have asked me what is 'BDD' so i'll explain it briefly here- it stands for body dysmorphic disorder and it basically affects the way a person sees his or her body- many sufferers have a grossly altered perception of their own image, and believe that a physical part or parts of them are ugly or abnormal even if they look perfectly acceptable to other people. it can make them feel an outcast from society as they are constantly paranoid of people 'staring at' or 'whispering' about their imperfection. reassurance from others rarely helps as the sufferer is convinced they can see what others can't when they look in the mirror, and many feel strongly that their only option is radical surgery or specialist treatment in order to make themselves 'normal'.
in my case the BDD is focused on the skin and face, as i have an obsessive need to keep my entire body free from the tiniest blemish. i spend hours each day performing cleansing rituals and 'picking' my skin (this is the dermatillomania) which leads to obvious cuts and scars, which i then need to take absurd measures to cover up, so i can rarely wear clothes that reveal areas of flesh that most women can, and getting ready takes me so long that i have to get up hours before i need to leave the house which leaves me constantly exhausted. times when i feel i look particularly bad i don't leave the house for days and become severely depressed and withdrawn, and times when it's better i still rarely feel more than 'satisfied' with the way i look.
my BDD and depression have been recurrent since my early teens and started out mild, with the anxiety being triggered as a result of a very strained relationship with my dad when i lived with him during that time. when i was 19 my mother passed away from alcoholism, by which time i had dropped out of college and was living alone, and i fell into deep depression. in my vulnerable state i became the victim of sexual abuse by my landlord which went on for 2 years, and the anxiety became really severe. from then i went through many terrible jobs and was chucked out as many times, moved through several homes, was evicted, labeled a freak by many housemates, starved of food and money for weeks on end, until i eventually became suicidal and my family had to step in and rescue me. since then i have been living with family and am having long-term help in the form of therapy and meds, and i'm currently back at college.
i still struggle daily with my issues, but i'm glad to be on here with everyone else, just trying to live my life again!
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