relationship help anxiety

[ukmale]

Hi all this is my first post on this site.

A little background info on me, 5 years ago i started with anxiety, it become worse, i went through all the different types ranging from health anxiety and it had a massive affect on me as a person, i lost girlfriends, my business suffered and the doctors never really helped.

Anyway it took a good 2 years of really working on myself and hell of a struggle but i finally got over it completely (was the worst few years of my life i was so ill)

I have been fine now for well over 2 years and although il never forget it it was becoming a distant memory.

The reason i am posting on here is for a bit of help/advice.

6 months ago i met my current partner, i know for sure she's the one and i couldn't be happier, we have already made the step to move in together and are already talking about children next year and marriage were both 30 years old.

Last week she received a friend request from a friend, i asked who it was she said just a friend so i though no more of it. 5 mins later she received a text of this guy saying thanks for the birthday text on her new phone and number.... so as you can imagine i asked how he had her new number etc etc, something didn't sit right in my head so i asked were she met him and she said on holiday 2.5 years ago..... i had to ask did you sleep together? i got the answer yes... i trust her 100% and she was totally honest and admitted she text him few weeks back saying happy birthday and thats all there is too it, he's now married, they are not in any sort of regular contact and she didn't realise it would make me mad, was a difference of opinion but anyway thats not the problem all tat is resolved as far as our relationship is concerned.

But ever since then I'm not sure if this has triggered my anxiety off again, i cannot get this out my mind, i am over anylising it non stop and believe me she is totally committed to me, there are o trust issues and she is really the best girl i have ever met but now my mind is wandering to all sorts, I'm wondering about other partners, wondering what happened on that holiday 2.5 years ago, i cannot stop thinking and if i don't sort this i could potentially ruin the relationship.

Im panicking if she doesn't text as much as she used to, questioning to myself if she loves me, worrying non stop that she didn't say love you at the end of a phone call, telling myself that she's acting different and worrying about splitting up etc etc it goes on and on, all i can think about is negative thoughts although the reality is our relationship is perfect. yes somedays she doesn't send as many meaningful texts or contact me as much but in my head i turn this into a full scale battle, wondering why, wondering is she loosing interest etc etc. my emotions seem to be running so high i cannot think straight.

would you all say this is relationship anxiety or i have cause to worry about the relationship?

thanks for reading, i just need some constructive comments to point me in the right direction

[Pipkin]

Hi there and

First, congratulations on finding this website, I know you'll find it really helpful and friendly.

I'm no relationship expert (and I worry about those who claim they are!), but you asked for other opinions so I thought I'd share mine. Judging from what you've said, I don't think you've got anything to worry about in the relationship. You trust her and you need to remember that. It's pointless dwelling on what she did before you met - you will have had other relationships too. Nothing can change what's happened. Some people do keep in touch with exs/flings, me being one of them. As long as they stay an ex, I think it can be quite healthy.

Openness and honesty are the key here. If she knows you don't like her keeping in touch, she'll stop telling you. Let her have her space and enjoy yours. You love each other - you've got nothing to lose, right?

Where you do risk your relationship is by constantly questioning, both yourself and her. Try to recognise that this is anxiety winding you up - don't let it win. Enjoy what you've got and forget the past.

You're very lucky to have found each other - you have what many people would love.

Take care

Pip x

[ukmale]

Hi there and

First, congratulations on finding this website, I know you'll find it really helpful and friendly.

I'm no relationship expert (and I worry about those who claim they are!), but you asked for other opinions so I thought I'd share mine. Judging from what you've said, I don't think you've got anything to worry about in the relationship. You trust her and you need to remember that. It's pointless dwelling on what she did before you met - you will have had other relationships too. Nothing can change what's happened. Some people do keep in touch with exs/flings, me being one of them. As long as they stay an ex, I think it can be quite healthy.

Openness and honesty are the key here. If she knows you don't like her keeping in touch, she'll stop telling you. Let her have her space and enjoy yours. You love each other - you've got nothing to lose, right?

Where you do risk your relationship is by constantly questioning, both yourself and her. Try to recognise that this is anxiety winding you up - don't let it win. Enjoy what you've got and forget the past.

You're very lucky to have found each other - you have what many people would love.

Take care

Pip x

Hi and thanks for the reply, i know this is why i don't understand why my anxiety has started all over again?

We have literally just been texting as she is on a break, all good texts, er. can't wait for our holiday...nearly home time....etc but because I've not had i love you on the end I'm already starting to over think something is wrong, why are there less kisses on the text....where as 1 month ago id of been smiling at them texts and looking forward to picking her up from work.

I worry she is secretly texting this other guy, but that may sound to you as i don't trust her but i do, she has given me no reasons to ever think she is like that, she has assured my after the argument the other night that she hasn't and never will be like that and that she loves me and me only. but my stupid thinking even starts questioning that..

If i don't curb this eventually she will notice and it could lead to a breakup

[Pipkin]

Hi mate,

Yes, I understand - this all relates to your anxiety and it's making you feel less secure in yourself and your relationship.

You're seeing signs of problems which don't exist because you're feeling really sensitive. There's not much I can say except that you need to recognise it's your anxiety which is causing the problem and try to rationalise it to yourself. It will pass as time goes by and you'll start to feel more secure as the relationship continues to grow.

Good luck - you'll be fine

Pip x

[ShazyA]

By no means a relationsip expert either and this is just my opinion, I dont think your anxiety is about the relationsip, if you look back to your previous relationships I think you will find they were not as secure and contented as your current one, and you probably had other events in your life too causing you worry also. Now that you feel safe and secure and positive in your life/relationship, your body/mind hasnt learned to relax or believe it just yet, hence the anxiety. (not sure Im explaining it too well LOL)
Dwelling on the past wont help of course, It sounds like you have found the one so look to the future.. good luck.