Don't know where to start...

[No Angel]

Hi everyone,

I am not quite sure where to start. Had my first real panic attack nearly 2 weeks ago, however as I am slowly realizing after looking at this site and speaking to the lovely people on the help line this was always going to happen. I have always been so nervous and anxious around people, despite most people thinking am friendly and natural. I have always worried what people think of me and that I wasn't as important or special. The positive thing and the thing I am trying to focus on to avoid the pain and panic, is I met someone 4 months ago who woke me up out of a horrible negative relationship. Our friendship grew into a relationship but on Sunday (not the last one but the week before) after a few tricky weeks they ended it after saying it wasn't right and it didn't feel right to them. They have suffered from anxiety and always told me I did too, I didn't believe them or knew what they meant but that Sunday I snapped. I started crying (my normal method of coping) and I couldn't stop. I normally tire myself out but I didn't, it went on and on and on, then I couldn't catch my breath and last I knew I was running to the toilet being sick without actually throwing up. Thankfully my now ex is my downstairs neighbour and came back after leaving to support me through it. They did their best and explained what was happening as they knew full well what I was doing and going through, and eventually got me back to bed. I struggled on through the 1st week, having attacks on a daily basis and struggling without their support. Then after they gave me tough love on Friday they suggested this site (they mentioned it the Sunday when I first panicked but I forgot). So I called the helpline that night, and everything seemed to stop. Saturday was nearly good with the breathing techniques, Sunday tricky but ok, then Monday the nausea in the morning returned. Tuesday it got worse, Wednesday it continued and I finally cracked again and found myself weeping in the shower. Thursday this went on and again, I came home and once inside broke down into tears. Yet today (Friday) I snapped again, straight into a panic attack again! I don't want to be like this and I want to move on, cope with work without it setting me off, be able to be friends with the ex and not think am so worthless. However, I am lost!

I have been to the doctor and they give me beta blockers, but they were too strong and made me sleepy. The second doctor I saw then told me to half the dose, which helped however I found that I was using them as an excuse to lose control and panic cause I thought they would prevent it worsening. So after practicing the breathing Saturday, I stopped taking them last Sunday. I managed through the week without them, proud I could cope but always having them close just in case I needed them. I have got a CBT assessment telephone appointment on Tuesday, so I can hopeful alter my thinking to be more positive. Yet am struggling to let go of the past and this broken relationship, it was my support and they turned my life upside down in a positive way. Now all the positive elements I am continuing are due to them, which makes me think of them adding to the anxiety. While my work is just adding on the pressure, I am fed up, frustrated and have no outlet for all this.

Sorry to write any essay, thought I could keep it short and sweet, but I am wound up like a spring unable to relax (never managed really or been encouraged by my family). Want help, need advice and really desperate for some friendly support as I have no real friends.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

A.

[nomorepanic]

Hi No Angel

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[london guy]

welcome to the site hope you find it useful

[Stormsky]

hi
sorry to hear youve had a bad time of late..
is this all due to this new relationship thats suddenly broken up? You refer to your ex as 'they', is this as youd rather not say if its male or female? not that it matters either way at all to me, but just wondered if that was something thats making you uncomfortable or causing anxiety? But ignore me if ive got that all wrong! Just used to people saying he or she i guess!
are you just feeling low, crying, feeling sick? or actually having panic attacks... as in heart pounding , feeling like a heart attack and like your going to pass out?
its good that you have taken immediate action and seen gp and signing up for CBT... hopefully you can get on track before feeling this way becomes too common and deepset.... just talking everything out thats happening in your life can be great therapy in itself....
Youll get lots of support here too....

[No Angel]

Thanks for the welcome london guy and stormsky.

No this is not all due to this sudden break up of my relationship to this guy. I apologises for the confusion am dyslexic (among other things) and have never been good with grammer. I was avoiding using their name, as they recommended the site so didn't want to identify them to any potential friends of theirs. I have always felt anxiety, come close to losing control but never to this new point of stopping breathing, going dizzy, unable to eat, can't stop shaking, having a head about to explode. It's horrible, I am always so tightly controlled, avoiding showing my feelings to anyone (even if they can see I am upset - I never say a word). Now I am lost, spinning out of control, unable to keep calm, eat or sleep. Hope that help answers your questions.

I am glad that I seem to be doing the right thing though, I really want to make sure I do get hold of this and get better. I really don't want to live like this, last week I couldn't go more than a couple of hours till I was having an attack. Its no way to live, and I cant believe people here keep going for years on end, yet it gives me hope :-)

I am actually having panic attacks, not just low, crying or feeling sick. I have been low before never lost my breath, thrown up and unable to stop shaking.

[Stormsky]

Sorry if i came across rude... and i dont expect you to name anyone, like i say just used to people saying he or she thats all.. and wondered if you were using 'they' for any reason...anyway thats clear to me now..
Sounds like youve had a lot bottling up for a while then, and CBT worth a go definately. I did it years ago, but didnt do much for me...but then their methods may have changed now.... and like i say, just talking it all out helps anyway....
There are lots of helpful threads on here on neally every subject you can imagine...
i suffered panic attacks, started 12yrs ago, but luckily mastered them , and dont have them anymore, i still have attacks, i just choose not to panic.... i also took meds for years, but stopped 7 months ago...
Getting help as soon as you have is really good...
Are you still able to be on friendly terms with your ex? living so close to each other cannot be easy at times im sure...
Its good you work, its a distraction from worrying and anxiety... do you have anyone you can talk to? friends at work maybe?