I'm struggling at the moment

[Reggie]

Everything has gone wrong.
I lost my precious daughter to cancer when she was 5. My 12 year old son is severely disabled, he has severe autism/severe learning disability, he's still in nappies and can't speak. He has terrible violent episodes and his school have just told me that can't cope with him and that he needs to go elsewhere - phrased as "we're not giving William what he needs, we're failing him" - he's been there since he was 3, they were my only support system for him and it's absolutely thrown me. I've had anxiety/panic since I lost my daughter and I have other health issues of my own.
I just feel like I can't take much more of this. I have the most wonderful husband and teenage son, but, as is quite common when you have severely disabled children, my friends and family have dwindled away. I feel so lonely and lost, I can't stop crying. Sorry for venting but I'm so stressed, I don't know what to do. My fear for my sons' future, what's going to happen to him, he needs 1-1 care 24/7, what's his future - especially when his school are abandoning him.
Sorry about this, I'm going to bed now, but I can't stop crying and fretting, I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

[kittikat]

Hi Reggie, so sorry you are having such an awful time, it seems you have spent so much time dealing with grief and your disabled son that you have forgotten about yourself somewhere along the line. Please go and speak to your GP and maybe even citizens advice. Sorry I can't help you with answers but sending you big hugs and hoping you will feel stronger tomorrow. Kitti x

[rainman]

yes go and see your gp and explane i find the gateway team are very good. also the c.a.b is a very good choice as kittikat has said if you need a chat pm me we can always talk ok dont face this alone ok. x

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear that Reggie, that's a lot to deal with, I don't know what support is out there, but maybe you could research into charities and support structures that can help you.

[Reggie]

Thanks everyone. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I lost my daughter and I'm on various medicines for my anxiety/depression. Two weeks after she died I had my first panic attack, I thought I was dying and I actually wished I was. I haven't got an appointment with my doctor till May, but if this carries on, I might phone her and see if I can bring it forward. It's just the uncertainty that is so stressful. Thanks everyone for your support, I needed that shout out last night, thanks for listening to me. xxx

[Lainie1]

Hello Reggie,

So sorry to hear how you're feeling. I would definately phone and get your appointment brought forward, I know May isn't that far away but how you're feeling now it must seem an age off.

Have you a social worker or support worker for your son? They should be able to help you find the right place for his needs and like it was posted previously CAB are good.

I know when you're feeling overwhelmed having to do the smallest thing is like having to run a marathon but please remember you have support here and, like last night, just writting it down helps.

Lainie x