Sister won't reply to my messages

[Elle-Kay]

Hi guys,

A few days ago I took the very difficult decision not to attend my sister's university graduation in Wales from 10th-12th July as I didn't feel capable of going without being anxious, panicky and ruining the day for her, and instead to seek CBT counselling no matter what the cost in order that this won't happen again.

I left messages for my sister yesterday morning, and again today, firstly to ask if she would mind a lot if I didn't go to Wales (I said I know she would mind, but hoped she wouldn't be irreconcilably disappointed, and explained my reasons for making the choice), and then today to ask if she got my first message and if she was upset with me, but she hasn't got back to me about either message :(

I know she will be upset, but she has always been "the sensible one" when it comes to seeing things from others' point of view (whereas I am far more hot-headed and tend to not be able to walk in another person's shoes for quite some time after I've listened to what they've told me), and I hoped she would be able to see that it would nigh-on kill me at the moment to be able to do this, which would make the day horrid for her and the rest of the family. I planned instead to take her out to a local restaurant which she has never been to (because it is quite pricey), but has always talked about wanting to visit when she gets home on 12th July. I guess this seems like a lame gesture :(

I haven't told my parents yet what I feel about going to the graduation, so I can't talk to them about my sister not replying to my messages, but I'm starting to really worry that I've done something unfixable! :(

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[emma chant]

HI Leah,
Does your sister know your situation?
If not tell her she should understand.
Also tell your parents why you can't go to
graduation.
BEST WISHES
xx

e chant

[Elle-Kay]

Hi Emma,

Yes, she has known about all this from the start, and the last time I had a bad attack (whilst away at a family wedding) she was really supportive and even left the party early to come home with me, which is why I don't understand why she isn't replying to me now :(

I was trying to not tell my parents until after I'd spoken with my sister, so I could at least say "look, I know you're going to be disappointed, but I have spoken to "C" and she understands", but I guess I'm going to have to now, and have everyone angry with me :(

Leah

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[chedda]

Leah,your in between a rock and a hard place unfortunately:(.Either your sister and family will be upset or you will be ill if you make yourself go.I think if you talk to them and even maybe show them this site to read about the symptoms then they will be a bit more supportive once the initial dissapointment has wore off.Your sister will come around i think ,she has helped you in the past and is probably just a little dissapointed at the moment.This is understandable,its a big day for her but i also understand the way you feel and the guilt you will have letting her down.When she talks to you open up and tell her just how bad it is for you and im sure she will understand.
take care cherylxx

[carlin]

Hi Leah, what a stressful time for you all, you worried you are letting the family down, the family worried about you, your sister graduating, phew!If they undertand and know your situation, I am sure they will accept it? As you say of course your sister would love to have you there, but others will be there, but, do let them all know the reasons, and don't forget to mention the lovely meal? Your treat...mmmm sounds lovely! Your sister will understand. take care and keep in touch, and don't feel guilty eh?

[chucklehound]

Hi Leah, I hope it all turns out okay for you in the end

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[Karen]

Hi Leah

It seems this was a very difficult decision for you to make and I hope your sister is able to understand. It sounds like she has been very supportive in the past.

Are you sure she has received your messages? Perhaps you could try to contact her again, or try writing to explain. Could you talk to your parents?

I hope things work out for you.



Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks everyone for the good thoughts.

Emma & Karen - I bit the bullet and went around to my parents' house to tell them this evening, but they had beaten me to it and said they wanted to talk to me about the graduation! Turns out they had anticipated, knowing that my anxiety is high at the moment, that I wouldn't be able to go and had spoken to my sister about it. I'm not quite sure of the cycle of events, but they said that she was obviously disappointed, but understood, which relieved me a bit.

I made sure and told them while I was there that I did really want to go, but it was from not wanting to ruin my sister's day and not from selfish reasons that I had made the choice not to. I said how long I had agonised about it, and weighed up the pros and cons, and that I still kept coming back to the same answer, so had decided to try to do the brave thing and say now that I couldn't go even despite knowing that everyone would be disappointed and maybe even disapproving. I told them how much guilt it was causing me, and how much pride it cost me to have to admit to backing out when I said at the end of last year that I would go. My mum seemed pleased that I was thinking of my sister, and my dad didn't say anything but didn't lose his temper like I thought he might either, so that's fairly successful.

Carling - I messaged my sister again earlier to ask if she would like to go out to a restaurant instead, and got a message back saying it sounded a bit pricey and posh for her, but could I take her berry picking at a fruit farm nearby instead? So I guess that solves that!

Chedda & Chuckle - thank-you for the encouraging thoughts. I should have known in my heart of hearts that my sister isn't the type of person who would take the hump & not be able to understand, after everything she's seen me go through over the years.

Leah xx

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[Karen]

Hi Leah

I am so glad you got this sorted and it seems everyone does understand your reasons. Well done for being proactive and going to see your parents. I realise it isn't always easy to take action like this.

Glad you have things sorted with your sister. It sounds like a breakdown in communication and although a bit disapppointed she does understand and is ok about it.



Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey