Feel a Failure

[neowallace]

Hi there friends,

A local agency lined up a job interview for me today and I got that anxious about going and not being able to do the job I have cancelled it. I have done these stressful Call Centre jobs before and always felt unhappy. I just feel this is going to be the story of my life and I will not be able to work again. Anxiety seems to be in control again although I don't think this is the right job for me. I am at college just now but not really enjoying it and just want to find a job that will not flare up my anxiety. I feel bored when I am at home and depressed. Is anyone else going through this or been through this. Has anyone came to terms with problems with employment and anxiety/depression? Sorry just had to get that of my chest...

[rock chick]

First have this please from me!

Now I have never had a job, no never even though I'm 27 but I have indeed wanted 1 but the fear of handling it and obviously losing my disability payment and then probably not being able to get back on if I need to has made me feel lost about employment. Years ago I had many ideas of what I wanted to do, be a writer (at least that is still my ambition), working with animals but I dropped out of the course after 3 days because I felt the others in the class thought I was a freak or some nonsense. Looked into web design but found a bunch of issues there. Even being a train driver but it's mostly males and all that time alone would possibly make me . Note these jobs were ones with little contact with others, so that left out a huge amount of jobs.

So for now I just have no idea, I'm gonna consider going back to writing and maybe I'll sell a book or 2 but I don't want to have never had a job and/or career, so I understand a lot where you're coming from.

[neowallace]

Hi Rock Chick

Many thanks for the reply is good to know someone understands. What others take for granted seems like climbing Mount Everest at the moment, and is not getting any easier as I get older. Not only is it frustrating the anxiety and lack of confidence is there but it is also making me feel depressed and I am letting my family down. I wish I could have more confidence in myself. I think I will need to keep it simple today and just live in the day and do the best I can. I wish you best wishes and thoughts and also you have a big hug as well...

[Munki]

Neowallace, it's like looking in a mirror reading your post.

I'm 36 now but when I was in my early twenties and my anxiety kicked in, I was constantly lining up jobs but cancelling last minute. I remember that if something was in the distance it was safe, but as soon as it drew nearer the crippling, paralysing anxiety started to fester. It was always result in me cancelling and always feeling terrible for doing so.

You are not alone here!!

I've managed over the years to put a stop to this as it started to become so bad that I'd make an arrangement (which made me feel like I was achieving or working towards something) then I'd cancel it last minute. It's strange, we make the plan to feel a success but then cancel which makes us feel worse. Self sabotage springs to mind!

I would advise you that the best thing to do is TREAT your anxiety. It's part of you and I promise you that you'll keep sabotaging yourself until you recognise it. Talk to a doctor about it, read up about ways to calm yourself. It doesn't go away (sadly!) so you need to almost embrace it.

I'd also advise that despite wanting to work, why don't you try and commit yourself to something each week that doesn't involve anyone else and see if you can stick to it. If you can and you enjoy the time out then maybe you're ready to commit to a job.

It's a good way to start and this way you don't feel that you've let anyone down if you don't see it through. I know the way 'cancelling' makes you feel and if you're like me, it's earth shattering!!

xx

[neowallace]

Thanks Munki

I appreciate your reply and it is soul destroying cancelling and knowing deep down it is anxiety. I am seeing the Doc on Wednesday but I agree what you say I need to put myself in a situation where I can build as my confidence is at a all time low just now. Feel a bit better tonight and if one good thing comes out of this I get to Virtual Chat with some kind and caring people who can support and give their experience.....thanks again

swxx

[theharvestmouse]

Neo, this might sound harsh but, hiding and cancelling appointments will no go any way to improve your situation.

You need to first tackle the anxiety, but to gain confidence and raise self esteem you will have to go out there and do something. Volunteer work is a great way to do it, it will really help you out, it gives you a purpose, gives you the feel of working without the pressure.

I get how hard it is to face up to it but if you really want to get somewhere and not let the anxiety take over then you will have to work towards being able to get a job.

By the way I know how bad it is to have a job and have anxiety/depression, I sympathise with you, but try working towards whatever it is you want to do in life.

[neowallace]

Thanks harvestmouse for your reply it is a behaviour that I learned through stress courses is not to avoid and I did it. I am going to take on your suggestion today and have a think of what type of work I can do at the moment. Many thanks for your suggestions. I have learned that compassion can be harsh as well..Hope you have a good day today..

[Munki]

For me personally, the thought of committing to anything whilst I felt that way was unbearable. The only reason I did was so that I didn't feel such a failure. However, I agree with theharvestmouse in that it's not a good routine to be in. I know it became quite a cycle for me, I'd hate you to do the same. If I were you I'd maybe try and start writing. Is that something you could consider? Write a book about anything, the way you feel or even try and write something fictional. Most anxiety sufferers are creative so it's no suprise that a lot of us turn to writing. Not only is it enjoyable, it's also cathartic. And hey, you're not committed to anyone.

If I were you I'd avoid a job right now. Accept that you're a bit bored and fill your time with something. xx

[neowallace]

Hi Munki

Thanks for your reply I do feel that maybe a change of direction might be needed. I have written some poems before and enjoyed that. I do have a college course that I am at 3 days a weeks just but lack motivation with it. I think it could be the reason I dived back in looking for a job. Maybe your right I need to start filling my time better. Many thanks again for reply. I hope you are having a good day and thanks again..xx

[Munki]

No problem

I'm having similar problems myself at the moment which I've written about in a different thread. I think it's more obsessive but hey, I'll conquer it somehow!