[:0]well guys as you are probably aware i have kept my panic and anxiety to myself and not told anyone and didnt want to throu lots of fears,,but now went to visit my mum tonite and while i was there bupa the hospital called ,we were expecting her to go in late june so i thought that would give me some time to find the courage to tell her my problem???anyway bupa called while i was there and told her she would be going into hospital on the 24 may and would be in there a week,,so i felt the time was right to tell her i was very very anxiuos and it took all my energy to tell her,,she listened and seemed to take it in but i really dont think she understands the seriuosness of my condition,, she used to say to me why dont you go anywhere now or why dont you come with us shopping anymore??or go in the car ,,or,,or,,or,,or,,???/and i told her tonite i think she always thought she had done something wrong and thats why i wouldnt go anywhere with them and of course i felt awful all the time haveing to make excuses ,well now i guess thats one thing i wont have to do,,when i first told her that i may nit be able to make it because of the panic she said i will get your brother to pick you up and take you,,i said no mum dont you understand i CANT GO because of the panic she said well dont worry just send me some grapes!i couldnt do that ,,so now after all this time worrying about telling her a situation arose out of the blue and i felt the time was right ,so here i am now very worried about what she may be thinking of me ,,i feel some satisfaction or relief telling her but i also feel very depressed,,not sure why all different emotions at the minute going throu my head,,anyway guys i said i woulkd let you all know ok so there it is,,,,,,,i said to myself i wasnt going to have a glass of wine tonite lol,,well damn it i am gonna have two,,thank you all for your support guys,,xxxxdarrenxxx[:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0]