OCD in Relationship

[clococj]

I am in a relationship with someone who suffers quite severley with ocd.im trying to understand him better as we are currently going through a bad patch and he says i dont understand. Does OCD make it hard for a person to show emotion and make efforts? such as sending a letter or card or doing something they asked you to do. Do you not think to do it or is it to much effort to do it. JUst wondering if anyone feels the same or has experienced this ?

[vicky23]

OCD is a very difficult thing to live with, whether that's as a sufferer yourself or as a loved one of a sufferer. It's very complex and different for everyone who suffers with it so the only way you'll really be able to understand is by asking your partner to explain it to you. Tell him you don't understand but want to so that you can be more empathetic.
to answer your question does ocd make it difficult to express feelings: it can do but it might just be that your partner has a nature that makes it hard for him to express emotions.
Does ocd make it difficult to make an effort: Not really sure how to answer this not knowing the specific situation but I remember when I was going through a severe time with ocd and my mind was so full of torment that even the most simple tasks became like mental challenges.
Maybe you could think of a time when you were in a very worrying situation or if you have a phobia like spiders think of how you feel when you come into contact with them. When someone tries to engage you it's difficult to remain rational sometimes everything just seems overwhelming and hard to concentrate on.
So this obviously makes it very difficult for you because you're in a relationship with someone who is very focussed inwards at the moment and I imagine it's frustrating too not knowing how to help.
If your partner has been prescribed medication this can also contribute to a feeling of lethargy and spaced out type feelings.
I'd love to tell you that things will get better soon but it's a journey and nobody knows when you'll start to see light at the end of the tunnel but take heart the person you fell in love with is still there just hidden a bit at the moment

[StupidBrain]

Hi Clococj,

It can be really hard with OCD. Just today I cancelled two text messages to my bf because I suddenly had the worry that if I sent them then something bad would happen to me or him. It was another 6 hours before I was free to send another one without worry.

Have you ever had that rotting feeling inside you when you're really anxious about something which is going to happen -- like breaking up with someone, or getting exam results etc. I don't know about you but I find it hard to concentrate fully on the things going on around me when I'm consumed with anxiety. Even though those are real worries to your average person, a stupid obsession which springs up with OCD like, worrying your parent may die of a horrible disease even though at the moment theyre perfectly healthy, or worrying that your dog might get hit by a car even though its never off the lead, can leave you feeling just as panicked inside. For me, things like if I haven't washed my hands the right way before I sit down on the sofa, will then interfere with the cuddle I get when my boyfriend comes and sits next to me. Often I'll break the cuddle, make my excuses, and sneak off to wash them. He knows I have OCD but I am truly MORTIFIED by it and I don't want him to know how stupid I am/feel, so I hide it.

The absolute worst one I suffer from happens at the most intimate moments and I hate it so much. I am utterly consumed with the terror of having HIV. I don't have it; I have had the negative tests to prove it, but the extreme anxiety I get from the idea of it literally takes chunks of time out of my day through doing stupid compulsions. So it comes round to bedtime, time for cuddles and then some, and the anxiety hits. I get stuck in this horrendous cycle of what feels like my brain screaming at me, my heart racing, and I get stuck doing the same stupid thing again and again to get rid of the fear. I've honestly come so close to throwing up because I've been trapped in a cycle of cleaning my teeth with a fresh blob of toothpaste repeatedly. Trust me, you can have too much toothpaste! If that doesn't set the romantic mood for someone I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL! I feel sick, I feel stupid, I feel frustrated with myself and I feel pretty blooming alone. And I can't tell my bf about it because it's too humiliating.

It might help if you read what some of the common obsessive thoughts are on this forum. If you then tell your partner what you've read other people worry about -- from being a paedophile, to having HIV etc, your partner may feel more inclined to tell you whats going on in their head. It's not easy turning around to the person you love and telling them you've been worried all day that you might attack them at any minute and kill them! Sounds a bit crazy but it's true. For me, all the understanding I need from my partner is knowing that he knows what I tell him is part of my OCD, that its an unfiltered terror that has managed to set itself on a loop in my brain, that I don't mean it and whereas with most people they just disregard it as a nonsense worry and kick it out, I've grabbed hold of it somehow and it scares the bejeezers out of me.

Anyway, I hope this helps! Its not easy for me even to write it down anonymously to someone I've never met, let alone say it out loud to the person I love!

Best of luck!