Feeling that no-one likes me so what's the point?

[flix08]

Lately I have been putting off going out socially as I don't really see the point! If I don't go, no-one will notice I'm not there so what's the point? I don't feel like I have anything to offer my social group and prefer to sit alone at lunch time as I don't feel I have the energy to be social anymore. For example I skipped out on a leaving do this week and no-one noticed I didn't go. I feel like I just want to be on my own all the time. Is this normal?

[kittikat]

I was like you for many years and chose to be on my own rather than socialise or lunch with colleagues. I don't know if I had social anxiety, I was what you may call quite a 'solitary' person and often preferred my own company. The problem comes I think, if you are not happy being like this. You say "...no-one noticed I didn't go"....I would say something similar, but it didn't ever really bother me. You actually sound quite sad and I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I'm sure you actually have a lot to offer your social group, perhaps more than you think. So yes, it can be 'normal' to be like this....but it's when it is bothering you or making you sad that it becomes a problem you may need to address.
Kitti

[bazbaz71]

I think Kitti hits the nail on the head. First you need to ask yourself a difficult question about what you really want. Are you naturally happy being alone or do you crave human company? If its the former then you are fine as you are.

But if like me you are natuarally a sociable person it sounds like you have the hurdle of shyness and lack of confidence to overcome. The first thing to do might be to question your negative assumption that no one notices you aren't there - how do you know that? In fact in a big group that might be true of anyone who didn't turn up right??

[Littlemadam]

Hiya,

I totally agree with the posters above, do you want to be sociable and need that interaction? If yes, and I think most of us want to be accepted in our peer groups then as hard as it is, your negative thoughts about the way they perceive you are in your head.

This takes real courage and strength, but I force myself to be happy, sociable, chat to people I don't know that well. Smiling and empathising with people is a way to be liked, which this is hilarious, but I only learnt recently as I too am quite solitary.

Say f*ck it to your negative thoughts and show them the lovely amazing beautiful person you really are. Hard but I promise it becomes easier xxx

[cheekyhaylz]

This is how I feel right now, i've been stuck i the house now for about a month, not one of my friends have come to see me even though they are all aware of my condition. We arrange to do things and because they are used to me sometimes not going, they just don't seem to care anymore (or thats how it feels) I hope your feeling better and i am sure people like you. Take care.

[Kate21]

I had these exact thoughts when I was ill. Your convincing yourself that people don't notice your not there and don't care when they actually do. The thoughts that you have nothing to offer people or that you are not liked make you blind to any good friendships you may have. You don't notice the good because your so consumed by these bad thoughts.

I moved home to get better and was dreading seeing my old friends and when I saw them they were really happy to see me and I realized those negative thoughts that I'd convinced myself were true couldn't be further from the truth!
You will get better :-) x

[bazbaz71]

Opener, there could be another reason maybe why you are hesitating to socialise with these people. Do you actually like them?

I know it sounds ridiculous but I spent some time in my twenties socialising with people I worked with who frankly treated my really like c**p. (Putting me down or mocking me etc.) Because I lacked confidence I really thought it was me who had the problem and gave myself a hard time for not fitting in and being too weak to fight back effectively.

It was only when I moved jobs and got new colleagues that I realised that they had the problem, not me. In general people aren't like that, so I could be barking up the wrong tree but I know I didn't want to socialise with those people for very good reasons but lacked confidence. So I sort of reluctantly went along with them sometimes without really wanting to and sometimes avoided it if I could - like you are doing!! Once I found a new, more supportive group I realised that I'd been foolish. I was very sociable and worth knowing - they were just nasty, immature bullies who weren't worth knowing!

So my question is are are you socialising with right people who are worth the effort? Don't be afraid to admit that some people are not nice. Don't have time for them because a lot of people are nice and deserve your company more.

[honeyb]

I'm always making excuses not to go out unless i'm with my husband (i always feel safe when he is around).

[Mr Brownstone]

You sound quite a lot like me tbh. Im not sure you're convinced what you want, to be alone, or to be out and about, but are a bit pissed off the way others treat you.
Ive come to realise over the years that many people generally think about only themselves, and the fact is, that if some of your other pals didnt go out, no one would care about them either. You shouldnt analyse it too much (this is coming from me who does anlayse it but i know I shouldnt be doing it!!). If you want company, sometimes you have to make the first move. Keeping yourself to yourself just has the opposite effect, people often think you dont want to go out, or are a bit fed up with you saying "no" to anything they suggest, so the invites will peter out. Just a few thoughts anyway...may not be relevant to your situation.

[stay_gold]

The thing is, I don't think humans are supposed to be alone. When they are that's what really screws us. Drug addiction, sex addictions, hanging with the wrong people, stay with the rubbish gf/bf..
What I'm saying is don't cut urself off from people cos if you do, you might fall really hard. You can contribute, ur doing it on here. Please don't cut urself from everyone.