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Thread: My Story So Far (Agoraphobia)

  1. #1
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    My Story So Far (Agoraphobia)

    Firstly, I would like to aplogise for the length of this post. It will bore you to tears!

    It all started back in mid 2005. I was a very heavy drinker, and used to leave work and head straight to the pub. I would stay in the pub until closing, and sometimes even later. But that all changed when I started to feel nauseous when in the car, or in the pub…. even at work! What made things worse, it wasn’t just a feeling of nausea, I was physically sick on lots of occasions.

    Over a period of 2 months or so, my spells of nausea became worse. When travelling to and from work, I would normally have to stop once or twice to be sick. I would get to the pub, order a pint, and then have to go to the toilets to vomit. It all became too much, and I thought it was my bodies way of telling me that I need to stop drinking, or at least cut down.

    So my daily routine changed. I would finish work, and instead of heading for the pub, I would drive home and stay there, maybe watch some television, or just go to sleep. Even though my drinking had dramatically reduced, I still felt the same nausea when leaving the house to go to work, or to the shop. Anyway, in October 2005 I handed in my resignation at work, and struggled through my 4week resignation period. I finished work in November 2005, and from that moment on, I haven’t done a great deal. It is now July 2006, and my fight of Agoraphobia is continuing.

    I sought advice from my GP in March, who sent a nurse from the local Mental Health Team to assess me. She talked for a while and asked me lots of questions, to which I answered the best I could. The nurse left and a week or so later I received a letter with her findings. I was Agoraphobic! I had never really thought about Mental Illnesses before, and certainly didn’t ever imagine that a strong willed, head strong character like me would get one. How wrong could I get?

    The advice from the nurse was to battle Agoraphobia on my own, and make progress in very small steps. Maybe just stand in the doorway looking out for a while, and then maybe progress to moving from the doorstep onto the pathway. I certainly tried, but the feeling of nausea would return if I got more than 10feet from the house. I was stuck!

    Until recently, I had the most loving, caring girlfriend anyone could ever dream to have. She catered for my every need. Unfortunately, my Agoraphobia became too much for even her to handle, and she left me. My immediate family members are not at all supportive, and don’t seem caring. They’re opinion is, “if your not physically damaged, there is nothing wrong with you”. I guess I can’t blame them, I would probably have felt the same had I not experienced something this awful.

    I needed to find something else to combat Agoraphobia, so I turned to Hypnotherapy. After phoning a few numbers in the Yellow Pages, I stumbled across a guy who had experience with Agoraphobics and decided to give it a try. At £70 per hour, I was hoping for a quick fix, but it didn’t happen. I ran out of money and couldn’t continue the therapy, which I don’t think was making any difference anyway.

    This last 2-3 month period, I have been feeling more and more depressed. Taking my own life had entered my head on many occasions, and I would sometimes sit alone and cry. I often wished I had a really bad physical illness instead of my Agoraphobia…. at least they can be properly diagnosed and treated accordingly.

    So here I am, still at stepping stone number one. My sincere apologies to you for having to read my story, but without my honest account of my experience, I don’t see how I can be helped, or indeed help anyone else.

  2. #2
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    Hi Ross, thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry about the hypnotherapy. Hasn't your GP recommended any treatment for you at all? I would definitely go and speak to the mental health people again to see what support is available for you. It is very dfficult when your family and friends do not understand your condition, the problem is that unless you have experienced this sort of thing first hand it is so difficult to understand. As people say we don't look sick! There are treatments available Ross and I would certainly advise you to go back to GP and ask about what they can do for you, especially as you are getting depressed. Let us know how you get on with the dr

    Take care
    Daisybun

    'This too will pass'

  3. #3
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    Hi Ross,

    Ive just read your story and can totally relate to it. Ive also been diagnosed with mild agrophobia. I felt the same way as you - how can someone as head strong as me get this, but I totally believe that we will come through this and it will make us a stronger person.

    I have just been put on the waiting list for CBT as I have been told its really sucessful. Unfortuantly the waiting list could be anything up to 22 months!! I tried hypnotherapy too which also didnt cure me.

    At the moment I am managing to leave the house as long as I know I can get back quickly eg have my car with me and I am no more than about 40 minutes from home. I am still working on getting a bit further and getting to 'scary' places.

    People with anxiety are so brave, we have to face the scariest feelings every single day. Everything is such a challenge for us.

    Have you read the book by Claire Weeks - Self Help for your Nerves? Its a fab book and has a bit on agorophobia that is really helpful.

    My advice to you is do not give up, I know what it feels like to have everything against you, but every tiny little step is a big step towards recovery. Keep standing at that front door until the panic starts to go, once you have over come that then stand outside the door for a while and so on. But keep going in small steps and at your own pace as you feel ready.

    You can do it

    ~S~ xxx

  4. #4
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    Daisybun. After long thought yesterday, and feeling particarly low, I have agreed with myself that another chat with my GP would be helpful, and I am pleased you have confirmed that it is a right step for me.


    ~S~ I am sorry to hear that Hypnotherapy wasn't succesful for you either. I am also sorry to hear that it could take 22months before you can start CBT. CBT is something that I have thought about, and after reading the encouraging data from this website, I think its something I need to discuss with my GP. Its really encouraging to hear your are able to travel in your car, and I can only hope you progress even further in your battle with Agoraphobia.

    EDIT: Oops - Many thanks to both of you for your encouragement and suggestions.

  5. #5
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    Hi Ross,

    I definately think you should see your doctor again, I have found that some doctors understand anxiety and others dont have a clue about it. I never tried meds as I was too scared, but maybe they could be an option?

    I have every faith in you that you will get through this hard time, although it may take time.

    ~S~ xx

    ps: if you ever feel down and need to chat to someone who understands that 'sick feeling' feel free to PM me.

  6. #6
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    Hi Ross, welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story. I suffer from mild agoraphobia and am managing to hold down a full time job. Three years ago I couldn't even leave the house, without feeling physically sick and/or dizzy. I'm not what you would call a very confident person, so I feel pleased with myself that I've managed to overcome some aspects of this illness. It's taken a long time, but I just kept telling myself that nothing awful was going to happen to me if I went away from my house. You sound a very strong-willed and determined person, and I feel sure you will beat this. When I was at my worst I attended an anxiety management group with about half a dozen other people, and also received some CBT, which did help a lot. I still suffer the nausea in the mornings before I leave for work and when there, and can't wait for 5pm to come. I set myself small goals, like going to a place I haven't been to before, and I feel really scared and want to come home, but after a while the horrible feelings subside slightly and I'm distracted from my feelings of fear. Just take things slowly, like going out for a short walk and coming back. I know the feelings are horrible, but they will go in time. I wish you all the best. Ange XX

  7. #7
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    Hi Ross,

    I've been suffering from panic disorder for over 2 years now, although i can leave the house and travel to work (by taxi) i have found that the small bubble i am currently living in is getting smaller and smaller, and now am having difficulty in picking my kids up from school. I now fear that i am soon going to be to scared to even walk up the road. It is hard so i can understand how you are feeling.

    It is worth going back to the doctors to see what other help is available for you. I will be going back to see mine after a bad couple of weeks to see about going on medication, something that i have tried to avoid until now, but if it helps me i'm willing to at least give it a try (scared).

    Hopefully your GP will be able to get you the help you need, and i really hope that everything goes well for you.

    Take care.

    Marie XXX

  8. #8
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    Hia Ross
    Your post didnt bore me to tears i found i could relate to so much of it.I havnt been out my garden for 12 months ,yep i am agoraphobic i didnt realise this untill my world kept getting smaller and smaller untill i just didnt go out .I dont get the sickness feelings ect i just get dizzy,distant and my vision goes so funny i cant see properly and the obvious fight or flight that we all seem to get.
    Luckily i have a great understanding doctor who came to my house as i couldnt get there and has suggested CBT which i am now waiting for.Its definately worth going back to the doctors and asking about this,there are so many success stories on here with CBT.LIke everything though you have to work hard at it from what ive read but im sure like me you will do,we want to be back out there and living a life again
    Take care cheryl xx

  9. #9
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    Thank you all for your great replies and kind words of support. From the support and motivation I have received from NMP, I can happily say that I have left the house for the first time in 9months. I was ill, but I still managed to do it. I have also contacted my Doctor, and will be meeting with him on Friday. I cannot thank you all enough for the advice you have given me. Its been great. I will keep you informed as to what happens with the Quack

  10. #10
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    I am battling with agoraphobia too and a course that recently helped me to gain some confidence is the telephone course run by the charity Nopanic.

    It runs for 14 weeks and costs just £10 to join the charity - you are not paying for the course, just to become a member - the course itself is free. Alot of us on here are members and I have made 2 smashing friends off the course and we continue to keep in touch by phone.

    http://www.nopanic.org.uk/

    Have a little look because it may help you while you are waiting for any other support to come through.

    All the best

    Piglet

    "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
    "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

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