I'm new and very depressed

[Tessie28]

firstly, modern anti depressents are in no way addictive. Far too many people still believe that you have to 'pull yourself together' - which is okay if you are a pair of curtains.Otherwise it is *rap.
there is no shame in depression and your doctor will be understanding. you have to have faith in her/him. You have to believe it is an illness [an imbalance of the chemicals in the brain]that is curable. after that you can look at your relationship - one thing at a time. make that appointment and take your friend along for support. don't leave it any longer,
take care,
love from
tess

[pauline]

Hi

The thing with taking antidepressant is that you also need to work on the problem that might be causing it. Of course lots of poeple there is nothing that they can put there finger on. But in reading your posts it seems to me its the feeling of not being desired by your husband which is causeing your depression. That it seems is not going to change. As you and your hubby have not had sex for years. Do you and him talk about this problem? What does he say? does he know how you are feeling inside? As humans we need to know we are desired and wanted its a basic need in us and that is not being met in your relationship. If it was being met in other ways like he tells you that he loves you makes you feel special then i don't think you would feel so low. So if perhaps nothing is going to change then its up to you to try and do all you can to boost your self esteem. Hope i have not said to much.

Take care
Pauline

[georgesgirl]

Pauline

Thanks for the reply. I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. Yes I think the main reason I became depressed and have a low self esteem is because of what has happened in my relationship. He does tell me from time to time that he loves me but I don't believe it. I have also spoken to him about how I feel and he listens and is so empathetic but then it is forgotten. For example we talk about it and then nothing is said again till I mention it. The problem probably started before this because even when sex was alright it was only that hour in bed when there was any closeness. I think my husband loves me but doesn't desire me. He respects me but sometimes doesn't like me. I don't know what to say really. So that started me off on the depression thing but 9 years down the line lots of stuff has happened to me, my thoughts, my actions have all been blurred so it started off with this problem and now I have loads of others. I know I am rambling, can't help it. Just feel I lack any normal feeling and maybe I will just take myself off and go and get some medication. I feel dead inside, don't really want to talk to anyone even close friends, feel frightened and just don't really wake up wanting to start the day. Anyway, having said all that I just feel like a right one. I've been thru' loads in my life and I can't even cope with this.

I just wish I could feel that my life is worth living.

[Tessie28]

of course your life is worth living and you mustn't think otherwise. that feeling itself it just part of your depression not a rational thought. whilst you need to look at possible causes this thing is a spiral that keeps feeding on itself. The only reason i have depression [when i do] is an imbalance in my brain. i don't have anything to be depressed about - there is not always an external cause. Get help quickly and then worry about how you got there in the first place.
love tess

[april tones]

hi, i agree with what everyone has put above! couldnt put it better myself. Meds do work but like tess said its your husband thats causing your deppression. Dont just stay with him as you onluy live once and you deserve to be happy, why shouldnt you be happy, love april

apriltones

[georgesgirl]

Tess and Apriltones, thanks for replying. If despression is a chemical imbalance, does that mean that you can get it for a reason or no reason at all. What I am really trying to say is that what has happened to me has caused me to become sad and then because it hasn't been dealt with and so much time has passed it has turned into a deeper form of what is called depression which has caused the chemical imbalance. I'm sorry to sound so thick about it all. I guess for so long I've thought I can solve this and start feeling alright again. Having said that though, it's only these last few days that I realised I have depression which I am almost sure I have because of all they symptoms and feelings I have which are crap. The hardest thing about it all right now is that my brain is scrambled and just carrying out simple tasks are hard. For example I have to talk my way through every task. I have to say to myself "just finish what your doing" otherwise I won't do anything. The other thing I hate feeling is that nothing is enjoyable. Sorry if I am going on and on here, it is helping me to come to terms with the fact that I have to do something soon.

Thanks again.

Georgesgirl

[kate]

Hiya Georgesgirl,

Depression can happen when there is a known cause ie loss of a job, a bereavement etc or can appear from "out of the blue".

However, although a person may feel that there is no reason for their depression, there usually IS an underlying cause that you may not feel is relevant at the time.

My own opinion, after reading your story, would be that his lack of desire for you has made you feel anxious and stressed.

This in turn has lead to depression as you feel unable to rectify the situation.

I may of course be wrong in my assumption, but this of course is only my opinion.

You are probably blaming yourself in some way for his lack of affection. I also suffer enormously with low self esteem and blame myself for everyone elses actions.

It may be worth while for you to visit your GP for a short course of anti depressents.

They will help to give you the strength to begin to tackle your underlying problems.

Take care and keep us posted

Kate x

[Tessie28]

Georgesgirl,
the fact that you have recognised that you are depressed is the first step to getting back on track. it is the hardest thing and a good step forward. whatever is causing it the next step is seeing your gp as soon as possible. if you start medication [a short course is not an option kate as they take at least 4 weeks to kick in and 6 months - one year is more realistic as a course length] then you can deal with your husband. its like a chicken and the egg situation - hard to tell which came first.
why don't you email me direct and then i can tell you a little of my own experiences [i too am married to an older man]. it doesn't make me an expert but it could help.
take care now,
tess

[kate]

Tess,

If you read my post back you will see that I did not specify the length of a "short course".

Kate

[Tessie28]

sorry kate
tess