Relentless Anxiety

[gravenidol]

Hey all, I've just registered as I've been having alot of trouble recently with my anxiety.

It pretty much started this time last year, I was completing an apprenticeship in Accountancy, my life was pretty good until I was run over after work. I was off for a while and when I returned I found myself feeling slightly anxious going to and from work. I began to have trouble with my manager, she would be quite sharp with me over having time off and perhaps not completing work to her standard due to being unwell. It got to the point where I had to leave because I would have anxiety attacks every day.

Then my mother left our family home and I was living with my stepdad, then he kicked me out and I'm now living with my dad. Shortly after this I started to find it hard to leave the house after having panic attacks at college, to the point where I dropped off my course, which really dented my confidence.

I eventually saw my GP, who was quite frankly shit. She told me that I wasn't having anxiety attacks long enough to be prescribed anything, and gave me Lorazepam, which as you can imagine made things 10x worse. I lost a considerable amount of weight, I think about 5 stone, so I went back to my GP [a different one] and prescribed Citalopram 20mg.

After two weeks I started to feel normal again, but unfortunately on New Years Day, my brother was killed in a car accident, and ever since I've struggled to live day to day. My medication was changed to Mirtazapine 30mg, which initially helped, but 2 weeks ago it was upped to 45mg. Everytime I start to feel ok, I just relapse and feel even worse than before, I've gotten to the point again where I can't leave the house, I can't use public transport thanks to an incident last week, where I freaked out on a train and nearly fainted.

I have alot of support off my family, but the only one who understood what I'm going through was my brother [he suffered with a social disorder] but now he's gone, I feel so lost

Sorry for the long post, I just really feel like I need to let it all out, it's pretty much been the worst year of my life, and I can't see how I'm going to get past it.

[Kelley]

Oh dear, I'm so very sorry for everything life has brought to you. I would encourage you to use this forum alot for support as it is a tremendous help.
Have you ever seen a psychologist? You need to talk about these things to someone who can help you understand why you are feeling so bad.....are you still taking meds? Even if they take the edge off for you is something..don't give up on them.
You're not alone with how you feel and you will get better. I know that probably seems impossible right now but it will happen, you will find the right thing that'll help you get through the hard times. In the meantime just do anything you can that distracts you and be around people as much as you can.

Kel

[gravenidol]

Thank you, I haven't seen a psychologist, I've made a couple of appointments but my agoraphobia has always prevented me from keeping them. I am still on the meds, although I don't feel 100% I know I'd feel so much worse without them. I'm so glad that I've found this forum, as much as you tell yourself you aren't alone with anxiety, it's hard when people in your life just tell you to get over it, as we know it's not as simple as this.

My GP has given me several numbers for grievance counselling and CBT therapy as well, which I'm really eager to do, but I think I need to help myself first.

Even from just reading the articles on here, I've gotten a few ideas about how to deal with the anxiety, especially the de-realization which is a killer for me.

Thanks for the reply

Vanessa

[Pipkin]

Hi Vanessa,

What a truly terrible time you've had - I really feel for you.

I don't know how much help I can be except to say that you're not alone and I echo what Kelley has said and that is to make the most of the support on this forum. There are so many wonderful people on here and they're all so happy to help. You're also one of the community now and I know you'll have a lot to give back.

I would talk to your GP again and see if there is some form of therapy or counselling you could be referred for. Given your loss, grief counselling could really help.

Take care and keep posting

Love

Pip xx

[nok_tok]

damn..you have had it tough recently havent you? you are very brave having to deal will alot of emotional situations. i want to give you a big hug

firstly i can say yes you have come to the right place, i dont know where i would be without this forum, quite franky doctors had no idea what i was going through a few years ago, i had a major panic attack infront of my g.p, and he just laughed at me...i thought there was no hope until i found this place.

my gp also pescribed me wrong meds that made me feel worse, i ended up with diazapam which can 'kind of' calm you down enough to think a bit straight ( i had to have a high dose for this effect) i found it helped but i still avoid taking as they make you groggy the next day :(

Actualy i found counceling very useful, unfortunately the few times i went, i had to pay for it myself, but you can get these services for free, also cognitive behaviour therapy is useful and may help you with you issues about leaving the house.

i hope you find this forum useful x x x take care

[Valid and Not in Use]

Hi Vanessa, I feel for you it's been a tough year for sure. I lost one of my best friends last year and a cousin, and then there have been other friends with illness, it all got to be too close to home... but other factors were brewing with me.... so I just wanted to say hugs to you, we will see sunny times again. Take care and good to see you here. Val

[gravenidol]

Thanks for all the responses! As nice as my doctor is, I sometimes feel like he doesn't quite understand how consuming it can be :/

I have a few numbers for grievance counselling which I'm very much going to do, I've found as time's gone on, it's been harder to cope with his death, even talking about it now brings me to tears :( I tend to bottle everything up and put a happy face on, but it all comes out when I'm alone.

I really appreciate the support and I hope I can offer as much as you guys.

Vanessa xx