I give up

[LisaS]

hi karen,

I can't believe they have done this.

However, as wrong as it is, maybe if they knew the extent of what you were doing, you would be a higher risk.
Do they know how you feel? how you really feel? do they know how many pills you are taking? do they know about the service you paid for to lose more weight? do they know you are living alone?
Its got to be really hard for you to talk about these things, but maybe you should before its too late as you only have this week left.. Its really important so they can then assess you properly.
Have you seen this website?... http://www.edauk.com/cgi-bin/eda/pddi_search.cgi
I'm sure you have.. there are a few local contacts there and i noticed a group get together close to the area you live in to meet with and talk in a group with others who are suffering.. Just a thought.. there are also a couple of success stories...

I just really wish there was something we could do - its so frustrating!!
However, you shouldn't also think that if you dont have outside help you wont get better, you have done brilliantly before on your own and you can again!

I have to say - the NHS in your area are rubbish and i feel have really let you down.. lets hope they pull something out the bag before friday..

big hugs,
lisa xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

"Like water be gentle and strong. Be gentle enough to follow the natural paths of the earth, and strong enough to rise up and reshape the world"

[Karen]

Hi Piglet and Lisa.

I've contacted just about everyone I can think of to try to get some help and I have made an appointment to see my doctor on Wednesday. I really doubt there is much she can do though because if the PCT refuse to fund treatment then that's it.

All I know is that this appears to be where I started a year ago - at the mercy of the CMHT and going nowhere fast. It took 7 months to get treatment sorted out and now it is all being trashed because it is being stopped while I still have such a long way to go.

Lisa: No, they don't know about all the pills or the weight loss treatment, although I have hinted about it and said that I feel driven to lose all the weight I've gained and to pursue any method to get there. It hasn't gone unnoticed that I've lost a 'significant' amount of weight in the last 3 weeks.

However, I can't really win because my BMI would need to be really low again to qualify for intensive treatment at a specialist centre like the clinic and on paper mine doesn't look too bad. But if I lose weight then it will be deemed that I am not making progress and so funding will still not be awarded. They are just after any excuse to save money.

Thanks for that link. I do know about the support group but the problem is I need help with more than just the eating side of my problems and I find being among other patients with eating disorders too much just encourages competition. That's one reason why Julia has been focusing on self esteem for me rather than just my anorexia, because it is a symptom of other things that are wrong in my life.

I am trying to find some hope in this situation but I can't right now. I am also getting increasingly upset that K is online but hasn't replied and I hate myself for being obsessive again :(.

Karen

[LisaS]

dont hate yourself for being obsessive. accept it.
so easy to say i know but worth a try, hey.?
thats the way it is at the moment, you're not going to change overnight.
there really is no need to hate yourself. there is nothing about you to hate! trust me.
good luck with the docs.. please tell her more...

lisa xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

"Like water be gentle and strong. Be gentle enough to follow the natural paths of the earth, and strong enough to rise up and reshape the world"

[sky06]

Hello Karen
I am new to this site, so don't know you, but I feel I can make a comment, as I have had the same sort of problems you have, Believe me you can get better.
As for the bad news you had today, is it really bad? Surely they must think you are getting better so don't need the treatment, after all these are proffessional people they would loose their jobs if they made a mistake? Sadly with the health service as it is today, they have to look at each case and decide who needs the treatments and help the most, they must of read all your notes and spoke to the people who deal with your case before they made their decisions. Plus they must feel you are getting better and not in danger.

I also note that you do not always tell them how you are feeling and what pills you are taking, so how can they give you the care you need? Again I know this can decide any future treatment or help as I have been discharged from treatment because I was truthful with them, so they thought I was ok. Only you know what you are doing to yourselve so how can people help if they don't know the full story? Sorry if I sound harse but I have been there.

As for the CMHT there were people who I didn't get on with but I told them and they gave me another worker, Karen I know its hard but you have to be truthful to these people if you want the help! Trust me they do not decide by numbers on a page, they have meetings every week and they go through cases one at a time to see who needs the help most.

The doctors and other treatment teams, told me that they wish they could fund everyone but due to lack of money they can't. So treatment has to go to the most serious first. Sorry again.

Sadly when it comes down to it the only way we can get better is by helping ourselves and wanting to get better. Deep down do you want to get well? I think you do! But if you want the help of others this includes friends, family, or doctors e.t.c you have to tell them everything I know its hard but as they say honesty is the best policy.

As for the phone calls, depending on what net work you are on, there is a system you can go on which gives you a code to type into your phone after you receive an unwelcome call this barrs the call. I have this and it is very good, I dont get unwelcome calls now.

Believe me you can get better, but you must want it? By what I have read so far you are doing well, when I was at the lowest and wanted to end it, I couldn't do anything I locked myself away. So well done for that.

But please you have to be honest with the doctors and everyone to get the treatment you need, otherwise they will think you are ok and getting well. They can only help when they know the truth.

Sorry if Im being harse, but as I have found you got to be cruel to be kind.
I wish you all the best
and take care
Sky06

[trac67]

Karen mate, never give up things will improve for you, you have your meeting with K to look forward to and your stay with me and our visit to see Piglet, where we get to make chickpea necklaces whoo hoo lol.

So many people care about you Karen, and so want to help you and we are all behind you.

I will mail you later to see how you are.

Love

Trac xxx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[nomorepanic]

Karen

Sorry to hear this news.

I am sure they can't refuse treatment if you wave the NICE guidelines at them. They have a duty of care to you.

Nicola

[alexis]

Sorry Karen,xxx

[Karen]

Thank you all for replying.

Trac: I am trying to hold on to things like my meeting with K and my visit to you and Piglet. It is hard to find hope in anything tonight though when I feel like I've been dropped and don't know where to turn next. I know this isn't the clinic's fault and Julia really didn't want to give me this news. She doesn't want to see me fall back or being cut off from the help I need but her hands are tied.

Nic: Julia mentioned the NICE guidelines too but I don't know who to wave them at [Duh!]. My GP will be fully on my side and supportive as she always has been but if there is no money in the pot for treatment then there is nothing she can do. I think the most she could do would be to speed up a CMHT referral but I really do not want to go back there again.

Sky06: I am sorry but I am in too much of a state to put together a proper response to your post. I have many internet friends for which I am very grateful but no real support at home. I have one friend but she is very busy and I don't have any contact with my family.

There is a general cut back of special funding cases here at present because the local PCT have no money and that's what they are judging cases on and not on who needs the treatment most. Julia recognises that my situation is 'fragile' but she can't do anything. All the PCT are looking at is BMI and health based on blood test results. Physical health is the only thing they are taking into account and not mental health. They don't realise the effects their cost cutting measures are having on the people affected.

Alexis: Thank you.

Karen xx

[sky06]

Ok, I was just trying to make you see things from an outsider reading your post.
Yes they may be taking physical health into account and if that is the case then they must feel you are ok physically. And the CMHT is the next best thing, to get your mental health right. They would be in a lot of trouble if they signed you off and you were not right.
I hope you get well, but after I have been in a similar situation as you I didnt listern to people and kept saying I didnt want to be here and now I have no one. Just wanted to help you see things different
sorry wont reply again to your post
sky06:(

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Karen

I am sorry honey, but this is a set back and there is some hope still, dont you ever give up ok!!

I have the same problem with cbt, its asodding joke how they can pull the rug from under your feet but they do.

I know how important this is to you and i know how hurt you must feelm the shear fact that they are not giving you the suppport makes you feel like your not worth it, but you are honey

Keep up the fight and keep us informed of whats happening and I am sure once they realise the mistake they are making it will be rectified.

Hugs and thought with you mate


xxxxx

sue with 5

scknight