ROCD - Please help :-(

[Muffin86]

First, some good news; my boyfriend (fiance!!) proposed a couple of weeks ago I had been waiting for the proposal for a while so it was amazing when it finally did happen! So this should be one of the happiest times of my life, right?

Well, unfortunately I have been troubled by particularly bad spikes these last two weeks. It all seems to have been triggered by financial worries as this was a particularly expensive month, and then we had a family wedding to attend which also was quite stressful as we were involved in the preparation of the big day. My nerves just feel completely frayed at the moment and I am finding it harder than usual to cope.

The obsession that has haunted me these past couple of weeks is the thought that there might be love letters from my fiance's old girlfriends in our flat, and that I might find them and be devestated by the contents. He says he hasn't kept anything of the sort and that he would throw them away if he found any. I believe him when he says this, but the reason for my obsession is purely the fact that my fiance is a bit of a hoarder. When we moved into our flat he got rid of anything ex-girlfriend related that he could find, but I am constantly worried that he overlooked something and that these dreaded letters might be hiding somewhere in our home. I am now in a state of hypervigiliance and find it difficult to relax at home :-(

I am completely aware that my obsession and my anxiety over this issue is not in proportion to anything, and I don't even know for a fact that he even received any love letters from his previous girlfriends! The absurd thing as well is that we have been living together for almost two years, and it is only these past couple of months that I have started obsessing over this.

There have been a couple of times when I have found something ex-girlfriend related, and on those occasions my fiance got rid of it straight away. So why do I keep obsessing over this??

Do any of you know of any techniques to snap our of a hypervigilant state?

[Stormsky]

Firstly congratulations...
Insecurity isnt attractive, and you have no reason to be insecure, these girls were before your time... and hes asked you to marry him, so that shows he loves only you.. You dont want to ruin this happy time by being this way...
Your anxiety is causing this, you just have to say to yourself that you wouldnt be this way if it wasnt for anxiety.
I have been married 10yrs, i still have a box of photos of ex's... well hidden away... why should i have to get rid of them, theyre my past memories....
I did recently burn all the letters i found while having a clear out though,,, and im sure if your bf says hes done the same, then he probably has....
Enjoy your present time of happy news, and planning your future... the exes are just that exes, past tense... dont give them any importance...

[Muffin86]

I am aware that he loves only me, and as for the ex-girlfriend related things; we both agreed it would be inappropriate for us to keep such things after moving in together and committing to a future together. It may not be something everyone agrees with, but that's what worked for us.

The problem here is that I am having these intrusive thoughts which are hard to get rid of, they are not a product of my insecurity.

[Stormsky]

my apologies, i must've misread it...
In the case of intrusive thoughts, you just need to tell them your not interested in listening to them, that your happy to believe there are no letters around, and even if you should find one, you can just get rid of it straight away,
tell the thoughts you are not bothered and they are boring you now... just keep repeating this everytime they come.... dont try and fight the thoughts, just calmly say not interested... and eventually they die off, the less importance you pay them, the less they will come...