One step forward two steps back -*Feeling down in the dumps - want to vent ...

[Smiffy3594]

Today I feel I've taken two steps back - team offsite meeting today followed later by dinner - had very dodgy stomach last night after dinner (that I cooked !!) went to the meeting this morning didnt feel 100% but thought it will pass just drained - I then started to shiver in a room where the others were hot, nauseas, stomach pains (haven't eaten anything today yet can't face it)

arent these all symptoms of social anxiety / panic attacks

not had problems with local offsite meetings for 6 months - but have with dinners out (I made an excuse on the last team dinner that I wasn't feeling well!) my boss knows about my social anxiety & is very understanding thank god - when I told him he asked if there was anything he could do to help

In the past 6 months I have been trying to build up gradually going out socially - out to lunch with the team / mothers day dinner and dinner with the girls from work and yes was a little nervous but got through them (yes wine was involved but not copious amounts in all)

I'm now sat on my sofa still not feeling great and very annoyed & disappointed with myself - I wanted to conquer the team dinner and had a plan in place to do that - now I feel like I've failed.

am I ill (guess time will tell) or did I panic in a situation that I thought i had conquered.

I've had social phobia for about 15 years some years better than others and want to beat it but an struggling

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear that, had a bad couple of days myself, we all get them. The important thing is that you are carrying on with things and not hiding away, you deserve great credit for that, it takes a lot of courage!!!

[Ingenious]

You haven't failed Smiffy and from the sounds of it you are doing some excellent work at gradually getting on top of your problems. But do keep in mind that we are only human, it is normal to feel low or unsettled from time to time. Remember the times you have been out and done well, and remember that you are not expected to always be 100% - there may still be situations you cannot face, this is all part of the recovery. It is not a sign of failure or two steps back.

You may well be ill with a bug (I don't know how bad your cooking is either! ) - and that's another thing to bear in mind, give yourself some slack to allow for normal things like this from time to time.

[flossie]

Well done for all the progress you are making. I can only pass on to you something my doctor said when I had a poorly tum which I put down to
anxiety - 'you are allowed to be ill you know.'
Just remember that not everything is due to your anxious state. There are a lot of tummy bugs about at the moment. Give yourself time to get better then put it behind you and carry on with the good work.
Take care.

[Smiffy3594]

Jury is in I must have stomach bug not been able to eat since Monday night - forced some dry toast last night - thank you for all your supportive comments.

It's so easy to connect being ill to a panic / anxiety attack the feelings & symptoms are so similar

As Flossie pointed out which i need to remember & not beat myself up about it - not everything is put down to an anxious state & we're allowed to be ill.

When I'm better I just gotta try & pick myself up and try to continue beating my anxiety.

[BobbyDog]

I think you have done exceptionally well, should be proud of your progress.
You must be a very strong and determined person.
I have social anxiety and very rarely socialise, but, have come a long way from being scared not to leave the house.

[Smiffy3594]

There's still a lot I need to conquer especially going out for a night out with my friends outside of work - I think my social anxiety started from a girls night out - I can remember the first panic i had what but not why and I know I shouldn't dwell on finding why it happened

I was in my mid 20's in a local pub having drinks with two friends who I've known since school and we went out every weekend dinner / pubs and nightclubs. That particular night as I said we were having drinks waiting for a taxi to pick us up to take us into Windsor when the taxi came I just couldn't get in it - I just said to my friends im sorry but I can't go with you - I told them to go which they did and I went home.

Ever since then & im now nearly 40 I've had the social issue and panic attacks - I can occasionally go shopping & go round to the house of one of the same friends if I'm in the right frame of mind of that makes sense - the other friend not so close with now but still keep in touch occasionally.

As we've got older there's not that many girls nights out now but the friend Im in touch with a lot will still invite me (she knows about my social anxiety) each time I say yes I'll come I have to get over this - but come the night out I will panic and cancel - my friend will try and persuade me but I get stressed, annoyed & upset with myself that I can't go out with them because of something I can't completely control

I spend my evenings sat at home watching tv and also the majority of my weekends if I'm not shopping at home doing the same thing. At work on a Monday everyone is chatting about what they've done & where they've been on the weekend and when asked my usual response is oh I just had a quiet weekend or just went shopping.

[Ingenious]

That's one thing that used to get me down a lot Smiffy, the chat in the office about what everyone had done, or people asking me what I'm up to at the weekend (that'll be nothing - again!). I wish we could find what changes us from being social people in our teens or twenties (like you I used to go to pubs and clubs) to suddenly being unable to face this to the point of irrational fear of it. I think with me I fixated on a particular night when some people had been nasty and made fun of what I was wearing or how I was dancing - that knocked my confidence then became a deep rooted problem over the following years. I tried CBT for this, but although on paper you can blow these fears out of the water, in reality that "block" is still there.

[theharvestmouse]

I'm the same Ingenious, I used to go out a lot but because of everything that's happened my life is different now. Most weekends are spent doing things on my own, sometimes I do stuff that is more social but because I don't really know those people its not the same. I sometimes get anxious when people ask me what I am doing at the weekend because I am so ashamed that I'm on my own and am not doing much with my weekend. Its no wonder I sometimes think about ending it all.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi Smiffy,

Failure? NO! Just a learning curve.

You suffer from social anxiety, of course you're going to have your good days and your bad days. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's all part of the road to recovery.

The worst thing to do is to dwell on it and feel as if you've let yourself and other people down around you, why not, use it as a good experience and think "okay, so I didn't go out this time, but next time I'm going to go out and have an awesome time!" and really focus on that and focus on achieving that instead of dwelling on something.

I do it all the time, I avoid seeing people and then afterwards think "oh my god, I would have felt so much better if I'd have done this that and the other." but then afterwards, it's too late. So I focus on the future and PLAN with other people to do things and make sure that I do definitely go, afterwards, I'm like "ha, take that anxiety. I told you so." (pretty sad, but it helps!)

You'll be fine - it's just a little bump in the road. Nothing to be ashamed of, just start focusing on the future!

Take care,
Becky x