Feeling isolated

[daisycake]

I used to be quite good at being sociable and had friends, volunteered, had hobbies and enjoyed things.

When I left school in 2009 and started uni, I figured I'd make new friends and new hobbies.. I did make friends, and I enjoyed my courses and was happy.

But I had to repeat a year as I'm a carer for my mum and sister etc, so when I was suppsoed to move into my third year, I didn't, and I've lost all my friends.

No-one in my two classes talks to me. One class has two boys and a lot of girls. Half the girls are Spanish and speak little English. The other girls look at me funny and have laughed at me. I've tried talking and they just stare at me as if I'm weird. The other class, noone talks at all.

I've tried. I've asked people if they want to meet. I even suggested to an old friend from last year that I might start my own society for shy people. He said I wasn't cut out for such things and why not try to make other existing societies more available to shy people. So I felt stupid and decided not to bother.

I have a facebook profile with 317 friends or something. About three of them talk to me. Two are my mum and sister.

I don't like being in my flat, as my flatmates don't talk to me much. They are very different to me, they like pubs and boyfriends etc. I feel as though I am in the way and so hide in my room only going out if I have to.

I don't understand my coursework much and struggle with it. My tutor has offered to meet up with me but I can't help but anticipate failing everything.

I go home a lot and spend my time trailing around after my mum. She is disabled and it's easy to convince myself that I need to be at home caring for her.

I feel like I have made a huge mistake with going to uni. I feel I have wasted everyone's time and money. I don't know if I want to carry on with it as I'm so fed up.

The problem though, is that if I did drop out, I'd have to move back home - probably live there for at least another few years as without student loans, I have no money.

I enjoy little things.. I like having independence sort of, having some money, my own address and I like keeping my flat clean and tidy.. I also am registered with a GP in Aberdeen who I'd be lost without, at the moment seeing her is the only socialising I do other than my mum and sister.

They have a chaplaincy at uni, and I have a disability advisor (for dyspraxia, anxiety and long term physical illness). I don't know if the chaplaincy are there to help people like me and I don't know if my disability advisor is the right person to help with things like this.

I'm probably not making much sense but I'm so unhappy.

I tried a helpline the other night and he didn't do anything, just listened. I had to cut off early as my mum was very ill and I phoned while she was asleep. I've had countless lots of counselling and pyschiatry and have just been reffered back to the local mental health hospital for help.

What do I do next? Giving up on uni seems the easiest option but is it the best?

[BobbyDog]

If I were you I would try and keep the University course going and accept the
offer of help that your tutor has given to you, she is reaching out, take it!!!!!!!!!
Like you said, it also gives you your independence.
If you enjoy your own company, then that is ok, lots of people do, if you want to socialize, you will do it when you are ready....

[Mr Brownstone]

Agree with Bobbydog. You need to be in places where its possible to meet other people. Your class-mates sound like a weird bunch, they arent the norm. Try attending some classes, or get a part time job if possible, just try something where you can meet new people.

[debbsi]

keep going with uni - accept the tutors help
you seem to have been motivated in the past to try to socialise at uni but to no avail - why not join a group or club outside uni, maybe theres a support group or a group doing a hobby you like? Even if its just once a week or once a month its a start - try to make friends outside uni.
Im at uni too and only made a couple of friends, my situations a lot different to you but theres a lot of idiots on my course who i wouldnt want to be friends with!

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time...

I wanted to start by saying in a way, I actually feel very proud of you for what you're doing with your mum and your sister, what an achievement! Helping other people is an awesome thing to do, but when are you going to be able to take a step back and help yourself?

The worst thing you could do right now would be to drop out of university. It's not a waste of time and money, you're there to do something for yourself, for your independence. You just wait until you get that degree in your hand at the end of it all and you'll be in SUCH a good positive start for your future. I actually envy people who have been to university and college as I chose to never go, now I'm wound up in a job that I hate with fake people all around me, not good!

The one thing you should bare in mind is that all of the people in your course are there for the same reason, so already, you have something in common. Your work. A great way to hang out with new people would maybe be to go and study with them, or ask if they want to go for a drink. You really need to come out of your shell and sell yourself to people who look remotely interesting. Just because you're not into shoes, handbags and boys doesn't mean that you're an outsider - people have different interests so don't be so hard on yourself!

Take the opportunity from your tutor to get yourself some help appreciate the fact that you're at uni and doing well for yourself!

You'll be okay.

Take care of yourself,
Becky