Horrible sexual intrisive thoughts

[lostandconfused]

I’m 17 years old female and my intrusive thoughts started around 4 weeks ago. I have being watching a scary crime drama that had a lot of raping’s, pedapholies, murders, etc. one night after I being watching it for a while, I got really scared. I thought about all the bad people in the world, how they could people kill other people, rape them and I sort of had a panic attack.

It got better after two days and it felt like everything was back to normal. Then I started getting sexual intrusive thoughts about my father. MY FATHER?! This carried on for days, so I went on the internet to find out what was going on with me. I came across someone who said they have sexual intrusive thoughts about children, that started thoughts in my head and remembered bits and bobs from the show esp. about the peoodaphiles and then I started having intrusive thoughts about children. I have being an insomniac for the last year or so (about 6 hours sleep most nights) but at this point I couldn’t go to sleep, I will spend the whole night panicking and feeling guilty and ashamed. Right now I’m at the point where all I have to do is look at a person and I can get bad sexual unwanted thoughts about them. It can be any one from my family to a stranger. Young or old.

I mostly get unwanted thoughts about my father, which freaks me out. My dad is the kindest and most amazing dad ever. I don’t want to think about my father like that. Sometimes I could be thinking about a guy in my class and then my dad’s face comes into my head.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like my whole life is falling apart and if my religion wasn’t against suicide (and if it wasnt for my family too), I would have committed it already. I’m 17 I have my whole life ahead of me, I want to achieve so much and make my family proud. But I feel like these thoughts are stopping me from doing anything. So I spend my days feeling guilty, ashamed, anxious, tired, depressed and like I’m going to cry any minute. I’m scared I won’t be able to have children in the future and say my siblings have children I might unwanted thoughts about them. What if I can’t have a healthy relationship with someone I like if I meet them?

I can forget about it for 5 min and then my mind would be like “oh wow you haven’t thought it for 5 min” and then of course I will start thinking about it. I try my hardest to not have these thought about people esp. my family but it just has the opposite effect.

I’m I going to have these forever? Is there hope for me to have a normal life? I’m I a disgusting bad person?

[MizzD]

I think intrusive thoughts are very common in panic sufferers, i have them terribly but mine are about horrible diseases and losing people close to me, i think that you would benefit from seeing your doctor and maybe being referred to someone you can talk these horrible feelings through with. The fact that you are posting this on here is a positive step, try not to worry but get help, there's lots out there...good luck x

[KK77]

Shame and guilt are the culprits here. An anxious mind will try to fight off taboo thoughts, which only serves to suppress them, hence strengthening and reinforcing them. And if you convince yourself that you're a bad and evil person for thinking them then you will also believe that perhaps you could even carry out such deeds. Of course this ISN'T the case: you're not bad for thinking them. It's simply a dysfunctional mind and acceptance of this is NOT acceptance of the deed. It does not mean you are a paedophile or that you condone rape for example.

I think you do need to talk about this with your GP who may refer you to a psychiatrist who can offer you talking therapy - perhaps counselling - as it's obvious that this is really interfering with everyday life - eg sleep, studies, relationships etc.

It's easy to say they're just harmless thoughts but the reality is that they ARE. You're not compelled to act on them and this is not a life-long sentence or an incurable aberration in you.

[kj238889]

Hi,

I know just what your going through I had the same thing with my brother, and with children, and with murder the thing with me is that the child thoughts stick around the longest cause for me personally harming a child in any way is worse than murder. The more we hate the idea of something, the more we get scared of it hence the more we will think about it cause all we will do is sit and ask questions like why? and how? At the moment I am in the middle of trying to get CBT maybe you should try it to, but also sometimes you can sit and confront your own mind and put yourself in that awful situation mentally (I know it sounds scary) and sometimes your mind will try to fight back and play tricks on you but it can help x

[StupidBrain]

Hey,

I've had the same thing about my dad too. It is literally horrifying isn't it? I sort of grew out of it though. Because it's something revolting to you, your brain has latched on to it and now it replays in your head over and over. There's no basis for it and the fact that it upsets and grosses you out so much, you are the least likely person to have true thought about your dad! The same goes for children as well.

When I find myself really worrying about something now, I try and assess how much worrying I'm doing! If I'm thinking about it every 5 minutes, its probably the OCD and then I know it's irrational. I don't seem to worry about the important stuff nearly as much as the OCD-induced stuff!

Your brain is playing up, you're not attracted to your dad or children really!

[london]

more people have that than your ever think of
its just your mind playing games
your not bad at all
you wont ever act on that thinking and it will go
god bless

[Firehead]

I wonder if these things are a little Tourette based?

[OCD_help]

Hey, I wondered exactly the same thing like you´ve mentioned.
Does anybody know if OCD the intrusive thoughts,impulses etc. are in a way connected to or similar to the Tourette Syndrom?
I´ve read in a book about OCD and Tourette, that both disoreders are close to each other and that Tourette sufferers often have obsessive or compusive problems too.

[StupidBrain]

I really feel like there could be a link between the two. I often walk around with a word related to my 'anxiety of the month' replaying over and over in my head. I'll be washing my hands (it's one of my things) and this damned anxiety-related word will pop up just as I'm drying my hands off, good to go and my anxiety goes up and I have to wash my hands again.