Not sure what to do about my relationship...

[GirlAfraid23]

Hi Guys,

I'm having a few issues at the moment that are not helping my anxiety levels at all.
I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly 3 years now (will be 3 years in a week)
In that time my anxiety has gone from bad to worse.
I don't feel the same for him anymore I dont think & that has been coming on quite gradually. I look at him & I don't feel attraction or love, only friendship or maybe just affection & familiarity.
I feel as though I can't leave him because, number one I will break his heart & number two, he has been with me through everything and has stuck by me/helped me through anxiety which i'm sure other men wouldn't understand so easily.
I feel trapped and depressed by the entire thing...he keeps trying to be intimate with me & I just make excuses or push him away because I don't want to.
I am starting to find myself attracted to other guys & famous people etc which is obviously a sign that i'm not happy with what i've got.
I really need help & advice on what to do. I can't carry on as I'm being unfair to both myself & him and we could be happy with other people...i just don't know.

[BobbyDog]

I would not make a hasty decision, when we are anxious/depressed, speaking for myself aswell, we can want to push people away, because a relationship is too difficult to deal with, when we have our own issues.
I know when my anxiety is bad(most days), I do not want to talk to anybody, but, I also hate being alone, a contradiction - its the anxiety/panic.
Try speaking to somebody who knows you both well about how you feel.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi

I can totally relate to everything you're going through at the moment as I'm going through exactly the same.

It's scary isn't it? It's like you want to be with them but you're confused about what you want. I suffer from these thoughts too & feel as if I'm not worthy to be with him or worthy to be loved because of who I am.

I'm so frightened and even now I just don't feel as if I'm in my own body. My boyfriend has told me to make a decision, to stop doing this or be single. I just don't know what I can do because either way I'm going to be making a hasty one.

How long have you been suffering with this for?

[Zeeko1987]

Having been on both ends of this I feel like I can kind of relate. When I fell out of love with one of my ex's/stopped being attracted to her I went along with the relationship for a while and it was just familiarity that kept me in that relationship. I found myself close to cheating on her a couple of times when I had the opportunity but didn't since she was also a really close friend. I think in my opinion it's best not to string someone along as the longer you continue with it you are basically lulling them into thinking that you two are still working together and that you still feel something for him. Of course you are going to break his heart but from the point of view of being on the other end of it, which I have, I would have rather she told me previously instead of stringing me along for a longer amount of time. At the end of the day only you can make the desicion but I will say this, you could be missing out on finding someone that you are truly meant to be with if you stay in a relationship which is doomed for failure. I hope this helps in someway.

[GirlAfraid23]

Thanks to everyone for their advice.

I just wanted to say though, do most relationships reach this point after a number of years? The butterfly/heart racing feeling disappears and in its place remains stability & loyalty etc.
I crave the excitement & feeling of butterflies in my stomach though so it is upsetting for me. I am an old romantic at heart
I have a really good guy here & I don't know if I'll ever meet somebody like this again but I don't just want to "settle". In case there is someone else out there & life is too short right?
There is somebody else I have always been in love with but they don't want to know me & now have their own relationship.

I have no idea what to do, I don't want to make a rash decision & then be on my own for the rest of my life or never meet someone who understands my anxieties again...

[Anxious_gal]

The butterfly feeling is lust , your Brain produces happy hormones for the first few months of a relashionship . It's pretty much a cocaine type high as the same parts of your brain is activated when you're in love or just high .

I would try doing some activities with him , walking , dancing , getting out.
You know you may simply just be bored in a sense .

Maybe spend some time doing your own things apart too ?

[Pinkcasi]

Dont stay with him just cos youre scared of being alone, that's not fair, if youre having these kind of thought'sthen he's probably not the one, i did the same thing with my ex, he was wonderful, my bestest friend we had so much in common, got on so well but when push came to shove there just wasn't the spark that's supposed to be there, but right up until the end we still spent all our time talking and having fun, I spent a lot of time thinking can i just carry on, we had a good life together and i was scared i wouldn't meet anyone else, but i had to do the right thing, it wasn't fair for ither of us, and i moved on and met somebody else who there is a spark with, and who knows, it might not last and if the spark goes out again then i'll move on again, and if i end up alone then that's the way it's to be.

Do what your heart tells you to do, and by honest with him and yourself. Best of luck.

[Al1975]

I know this only too well as I got dumped about 4 months ago, as my depression reared its ugly head, and behaved in a way im ashamed off. It's not easy being dumped, but, although its hard to take, it slowly gets better. If you decide that you need to be on your own then you have to do it. Yes, your bf will be heartbroken, but he WILL recover eventually. You need to decide if that absolutely what you want, because it it isnt, and you want him back afterwards, the trust will be gone. He wont want to feel like that again. Its not easy, I know, but, time does heal. One thing I would say, for your benefit, and perhaps for his to, is that if you do decide to end it, talk to him and explain that there shouldnt be any contact for a while. It sounds rotten, and it is, but its the only way to heal. I made the mistake (numerous times) of trying to contact the other person, and it doesnt help. It just causes upset and makes it harder to let go. I think if your feeling this way, then you need to take time yourself to understand YOU better. For me, I wouldnt want a relationship for a while, as I want to be happy with myself. And if you arent happy within yourself, how can you expect to be happy with someone else? I hope it goes ok. I wont be easy for either of you, but you will make it. I promise.

Take care

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

I've realised how much I really do care and love about my boyfriend and how much I really want to make this work. He made me realise earlier that me and him are meant to be together and he really is my best friend.

I don't know why our ugly issues rear their heads when it comes down to intimacy, trust, relationships, maybe it's because we don't love ourselves that we're unable to love anyone else...

I know for a fact that my boyfriend is the one for me as he still makes me smile everyday, even now, I'm smiling. Although it's hard, hopefully this disgusting fog will lift soon and I'll be able to be happy.

Hope you're all well x

[Pinkcasi]

Ohim do glad, good for you, xx