I think I've found the core of my problem?

[Anxious_gal]

For me watching movies or tv shows seems to help when I get that worthless depressed feeling.
I go to bed early n pop on a few DVDs, it helps me relax n escape reality I guess.

Going for a walk helps too if I have the energy.

[Firehead]

I often ... well, let's face it, USUALLY seek to escape. Is that good?

[monika]

Well at least you may have found the core! that's the key to getting better isn't it ?

For me, I always wondered why I was so anxious. I could never place it and I would just say to people I have no idea why it's this way. It wasn't until I realized it was ocd that was making me feel this way have my anxiety levels dropped immensely. It was like all the sudden I realized I'm anxious because of pure-o thoughts...It was liberating to know what was causing the anxiety.

I hope you get to the bottom of this. Good luck xx

[NoPoet]

Wow, thanks for all the replies ladies and gents! Looks like these threads are tapping a vein for people.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I notice that Ingenious and I seem to be on the same level about most things; very interesting that two different people with similar issues reach the same conclusions seperately. As a forum, we seem to touch on things that even therapists aren't aware of. Monkia, some people apparently do recovery when they realise what is wrong, because knowledge is power. We are mostly scared of what we don't know.

As for this part of my mind, I call it the "Black Storm" because I visualise it as a roiling black cloud with purple lightning and also, for some reason, purple tentacles (I won't be reading any more Lovecraft for a while!). To touch it and bring it into focus exercises mental muscles I rarely use, and it evokes such pangs of fear and depression that I need help from my therapist to beat it, but I have found the part of my brain where the depression lives - the part that sends out demoralising and negative thoughts and feelings - now I need to develop the tools to heal this part, and repair wounds that have grown over the past 33 years.

[monika]

As a forum, we seem to touch on things that even therapists aren't aware of. Monkia, some people apparently do recovery when they realise what is wrong, because knowledge is power. We are mostly scared of what we don't know.

As for this part of my mind, I call it the "Black Storm" because I visualise it as a roiling black cloud with purple lightning and also, for some reason, purple tentacles (I won't be reading any more Lovecraft for a while!). To touch it and bring it into focus exercises mental muscles I rarely use, and it evokes such pangs of fear and depression that I need help from my therapist to beat it, but I have found the part of my brain where the depression lives - the part that sends out demoralising and negative thoughts and feelings - now I need to develop the tools to heal this part, and repair wounds that have grown over the past 33 years.

I agree about the therapist thing. Sometimes I feel I know more about anxiety and ocd then they do, and then I remember they have not actually experienced it!
This is why I believe we need more ex-sufferers helping instead of a lot of these know it all's with PhD's. I'm not saying all therapists are useless, but a lot of the times they just really CANNOT relate! They know all the symptoms like reading out of a textbook but they don't get the nature of them.

And a visualization I use sometimes that I was recommneded to use was to invision putting all my negative thoughts into a waste bin in my mind and then setting it on fire or something lol. literally getting rid of them from my brain. I find it worked.
xx

[ems73]

:O get a new brain i would.

ooh I might get a brand new one too, where do you think they sell them?
I want a nice calm one please ....

[theharvestmouse]

I spend so much time thinking about the past, I think about happy times gone by.

[ewood79]

I agree with all of you.... When I find myself over tired or over sensitized boom there is my anxiety! It's good recognize the triggers but then try not to be scared of them is another thing!!!

[NoPoet]

My therapist is awesome. When I walked in today she just looked stunned, because the difference in me since we last spoke nearly a month ago is so great. We discussed how much work I've undertaken to rebuild my life, and she was very pleased I was able to describe the core of my problem as a "black storm". She said I've come some way towards shaking off the lingering traces of depression and we have agreed that I am no longer denying the role depression has played not just in my illness, but in my life.

There are a number of fits and starts in recovery, but this should prove how drastically you can fight back against anxiety and depression, and that you must never give up, no matter how many times you seem to blip or relapse.