Hocd or Denial?

[sasukethemaven]

I'm 16 male. The thoughts of worrying about my sexuality, and it just won't stop bugging me. It started about 3 months back when I was in my bed. I had made a new friend, and him and I were spending a lot of time together, and I thought to myself "you must like him you must be gay" and I started to freak out. I kept reminding myself you've always liked girls you always have had crushes on girls. Which is true the first crush I remember was in 2nd grade, and ever since I've always loved girls. My life long dream has been to marry a woman and have kids with her. I've never had a true girl friend because I dont have much confidence and am afraid to be reject (I always get friendzone :( ), but I've flirted with girls a lot and use to get erections. My last real crush was 6 months back, and it end horribly the day I was going to ask her out someone else asked her out before me :(. Now I haven't really liked anyone theres been a couple of girls who have given me feelings, but these thoughts keep telling me I'm just forcing these feelings. Now I don't know what is wrong with me anytime I have a gay thought I just freak out, and know I could never do it, but they keep coming back. Now I can't get an erection for anything girl related (I have watched a lot of porn ), but I get an erection almost every single time I look/hear/read anything gay. I read hocd topics and get erections. I was reading a rage comic the other day and it had a stupid gay joke and it gave me an erection. I don't get aroused I just get an erection and its so embarrassing. Now every time I see my friend who caused this thoughts i worry that he might be gay and might be trying to convert me, and I try to stay away and I feel uncomfortable around him. Then my friend made everything worse when she asked me were my other half was (my best who i've know since 2nd grade, its a different friend) and made it sound like I liked him then I worried she thought I was gay. I can't function anymore I keep asking questions about it and all the gay people keep telling me I'm gay, but everyone else tells me I have hocd. Then I tell myself you can't have hocd so many little people have it "you must be gay", and I freak out. I can't sleep at night anymore I have to count numbers to fall asleep. This is just horrible please help.

[WillyB]

IF you haven't already, read this
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php
i STRONGLY advise, do not look at porn, do not keep reading into HOCD for reassurance, it will save you so much more pain.

As for gay people telling you you're gay, unfortunately people tend to be one sided. This was brought up by a lot of people when i was in the depths of hell with this stuff. There was a a gay guy that frequently went on the forum because he had unrelated OCD, he saw people like you and I and decided he would help out. This was great having a gay guy with OCD (so he knew what he was talking about) reassure us this was OCD, he also gave explanations as to why gay people like to jump to conclusions about people being gay. How many of them do you think know anything about OCD? not a lot i imagine.

Stay strong, get some CBT. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor about this, if you don't want to tell him what the subject is, tell him you have very distressing intrusive thoughts that are harming your life a lot. Hopefully you will get a refferal to CBT.