Hello guys/ladies
its been a long time since i was on here as id been able to cope with my anxiety but its getting the better of me.
Just to explain where my anxiety stems from as ive identified it:
It started 9 years ago when i was gonig through a hard time - i am claustrophobic living in a flat with partner and our daughter, the relationship was over, i was in a job i hated, living in a flat i hated and couldnt breathe in it due to people living above/below and either side of me. To top it off i had REALLY noisey neighbours living above me. They would play music till 3am, always be shouting an fighting - up to this point i was ok and didnt have anxiety but eventually all the above things took their toll on me.
i had falling out with neighbors above me who were massive drunk/druggies the council wouldnt move again, they threatened to have my flat trashed and my partner beaten - i felt helpless because i went to housing and police an they said if 'i' did anything then 'i' would be evicted! So i felt totally helpless. Then one night they had the music booming through the flat and my partner said she couldnt be arsed with it an walked out leaving me there with my daughter. The neighbors were banging my front door and making all sorts of noise, its at this point i felt my anxiety properly for the first time well up inside me and had my first panic attack - i can only describe it as having a 'whitey'. I had terrible palpitations with it, couldnt sleep and went into a big depression. I was put on dothiapin (cant remember exactly how its spelt now) which didnt help, it wasnt until i left the flat that i felt ok, changing the living situation.
Now i find at night if i hear noises, talking/music/banging etc or anything i get instant anxiety :( palpitations and can turn into panic attacks :( ive lived with this since then for the past 9 years.
Id not been too bad until recently, due to circumstance and a break up im currently living in a house share, i moved in december and had anxiety then, my doctor put me on propanolol which helped till now and to be honest ive been 'ok' dealing with the anxiety until now. I get on really well with everyone here but even at night when im in bed i get jittery and jumping at the slightest sound, i use ear plugs some times and panic like mad if i still hear things with ear plugs in. I should be fine as im not threatened at all and the irony is im a really big muscley guy (i train 4 times a week 6ft2" 16 stone. I was a kickboxer and rugby player till recently when i broke my shoulder and have reoccuring disc problem that keeps slipping :(
I slipped the disc friday again and im in a lot of pain, docs keep messing me about with it.
I have a few stresses at the moment, i manage a large retail store and have pressures from that, i had stocktake thursday, i had a date which went badly wrong friday lol where my date got drunk and hysterical lol. The past 5 days ive had anxiety through the day but far far worst at night, even now as i write this im conscious of my heart, i can feel nerves starting in my feet and rushing over me like a wave up my legs and chest, ive got a tightness tension in center of my chest. Im anxious about getting into bed as hardly slept last few days, just lie there in bed tossing an turning worrying about people making noise :/
i need ot change my thinking and be bloody reasonable!! Im highly over sensitive, i used to be fine until that night 9 years ago. An id been ok the past 5 months until a few weeks ago a house mate was having a party but after waking me up twice i asked him to turn it down, he was very apologetic then a week later two house mates were making noise late a sat night, my anxiety started to get bad so i went down to ask them to be quieter and they were playing a home game of the cube lol - i ended up joining in getting drunk with them till 4am.
But now when i hear noises i panic instantly, i need help with this :( i dont know what to do. Its the only thing i have anxiety about, scared of bed time being kept awake, scared people will make noise, scared i wont sleep and get in a viscious cycle. Please helpxxx
P.S. what makes this harder and 'feeds' the anxiety is ive looked at moving out closer to work but i cant afford to rent a house on my own (ideally a detatched house!), even though im a manager i dont earn enough to rent own place on my own. This makes me panic more thinking i cant escape where im living. I dont know what to do
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