Intrusive thoughts are taking over my life.

[Ktmx]

Hi everyone, I suffer from anxiety and have the odd spell of intrusive thoughts.

In the past these have ranged from worrying about being a paedophile after watching a doc on a female nursery nurse who abused children ( I would NEVER harm a child) but none the less it drove me insane for days and I struggled to cope with my child for a bit, having a stroke, having a brain tumour and the list goes on. Usually these have just passed by (eventually) but my latest bout won't go and this is the worst I've ever been.

I moved away from my hometown about a year ago to temp accommodation due to our landlord losing our house. It was fine, and last Nov we were rehomed in the same place but a council flat. I didn't especially want to live there, but we had no choice but to take it or lose our housing points.

Things were actually ok there until Feb, when some kids started hanging around our flat entrance and rining the buzzer til late at night. When I was younger my family suffered quite bad harrassment. The kids hanging around brought all these bad memories back and I used to have frequent panic attacks thinking they were victimising us and I wasn't safe. I used to obssessively check out the window making sure that they weren't near us and used to dread going home at night. I'd keep all the blinds closed and freak if I seen ANY kids out in the street.

This has went on for a while, up until last month my best friends Uncle offered us his flat back home. It was bigger, with a garden and near my family. I was so excited to be getting home and to feel relaxed again.

We were scheduled tomove Sunday past (yday) but my bf found out he had to work so we had to move last Mon, which gave us two daysto pack and go.

We moved last Mon, and the first night was so cold in the house to me, although my bf didn't think so. The next day I was confused to why this was. And ever since I've become obsessed that the house is cold. Our last flat was only 10 years old and was so warm. We were upstairs and it was a smaller flat also. This one is a downstairs 50's stone built one.

Everytime I am in the house I think I am cold. It is 30 degrees sometimes and I still feel cold. I don't physically feel or show any signs of cold but I get a feeling I am. Especially in our bedroom. I ask everyone constantly if they are cold, which they aren't and this makes me feel panicky.

On top of this, a few of my friends have asked how the new house is, as you do. I have mentioned it being cold and they have said 'oh maybe it's haunted' off the cuff and jokingly Ihave since found out but I have now got it into my head the place is haunted and thats why the room is cold. But cause only I feel cold it's just me thats getting haunted. I know the old man who lived there before us never died there, but he lived with his mum and I'm convinced she did and our room is hers and thats why shes haunting me. Even writing this I am on the edge of a panic attack.

I have walked out of the house twice in the last two days leaving my bf there. e can't deal with me like this and I don't blame him.

I am now worried I am being possessed, and will I hurt my daughter, will I never be happy and live my normal life again? I am at my mums and I can't get it out of my head, ever. I only get peace when I sleep.

I haven't eaten for a week, I got sent home from work in tears as it was all I could focus on, I've lost a stone, I'm missing college.

Part of me knows I'm being ridiculous but I can't stop obsessing over it. it's ruining my life. All I'm doing is crying.I don't think I even believe in ghosts that much but my mind is in over drive.

What do I do??

[madhead]

Hi ktmx

Well my anxiety and ocd started with exactly the same thing seeing that nursery nurse on the news it was awful! Then people started talking about it at work and i could feel myself blushing i thought something was wrong with me as i was blushing?!?!?!?!! I went through turmoil wondering what was wrong with me then i looked on the internet and finanly found it was ocd it felt a relief that i knew what it was and i went to the docs and he prescribed cipralex which worked a treat intusive thoughts disappeared! The only problem i have now is my blushing wheneva any body talks about harming children or the P word i blush and go into panic but try to compose my self as normal!!its a nightmare!! Currently waiting for cbt but need it NOW!!!!!
The reason we feel soo bad is that we would never harm our children!!
Are you on meds??

Madhead

[Ktmx]

I got started on Sertaline yesterday but they seriously spaced me out. I felt like a zombie. Got drs on Thurs so going to ask for a review!

[Beckybooboo]

Hi KTMX,

I'm really sorry to hear of the issues you're going through at the moment. I, myself like many others on this forum deal with intrusive thoughts which are extremely common, but horrible when facing anxiety/depression/OCD/many other illnesses which sadly affect the brain primarily.

Please, do not think that you're any different from anyone else in the world because you suffer from these thoughts. Each and every individual faces intrusive thoughts everyday, but the difference with anxiety/panic disorder sufferers is that we find these thoughts scary and our brain reacts with a fight/flight response which then leads us to panic as the brain senses DANGER and panics irrationally. Other people can dismiss these thoughts, but due to a chemical imbalance in the brain we're unable to do so without the help that us, as sufferers, require.

These kind of disorders can stem from many things, your genes, DNA, past memories which are all rooted deep into the sub-conscious mind. I would suggest sticking it out with the Sertraline, I'm on 50mg and have been on them since Friday and you will have your ups-and-downs as medication is always a case of trial and error and finding the right product for you. A bit like looking for a lipstick in the isle of a shop!

I would suggest with your personal issues, regarding your family, EG your partner, sitting down and speaking to him about the issues you're facing. Show him maybe some of the threads on here about the issues you're going through so he doesn't feel as if this just primarily affects you. It may be good for him to understand, as then he'll be able to be there for you, support you and care for you on your journey to recovery.

Unfortunately, these disorders do not go over night, they appear overnight but the road to recovery can be filled with ups and downs, smiles and frowns, thus causing people to lose hope; but the worst thing you can do is give up on your old self and let this beat you.

You will get there, it's going to be a journey that you will need to be fully aware of, understanding of and not judgmental over yourself of, because you need to be confident and aware of these situations. Do your research online and see what information you can find about intrusive thoughts, I also have a blog: www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com which primarily targets the population who are affected by these issues.

Keep your chin up.

All the best,
Becky

[Cedars]

Hi, I too suffer from OCD thots. The reason they frighten you is because you find them so abhorrent. At the minute I'm obsessing about my medication which I was quite happy with until someone vaguely mentioned there's. I'm now thinking I will never get any better to I get loads of medication!!! If you accept these thots for what they are and try to continue with your daily routine but keeping them in the background they eventually loose their importance. Its not easy to do this but it works. You have to keep at it.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi, I too suffer from OCD thots. The reason they frighten you is because you find them so abhorrent. At the minute I'm obsessing about my medication which I was quite happy with until someone vaguely mentioned there's. I'm now thinking I will never get any better to I get loads of medication!!! If you accept these thots for what they are and try to continue with your daily routine but keeping them in the background they eventually loose their importance. Its not easy to do this but it works. You have to keep at it.

Hi,

I totally agree with what you've said - the sooner people disassociate themselves from these thoughts, the sooner they die out.

It's like a spot for example, it's a gross comparison but it works. You get a spot, you pick at the spot causing it to be red and sore, giving it attention and it gets worse - you leave the spot and eventually it goes on it's own.

The more you emphasize the fear on these thoughts, the bigger they will seem.

Thanks,
Becky

[Cedars]

I know this works because I was free from this for eight years. No matter what I felt or thot I continued on quietly with what I was doing. I accepted them for what they were. Scary thots thrown up by a tired mind. However because this one about medication is a new one it has thrown me back in to the old cycle of fear. I am trying to accept it and ignore the just says and what ifs. Just keep your chin up and keep at it. Nothing lasts forever and things change. Thots cannot harm you. They may make you miserable but they can't stop you living. X